my son and i had to go pick out bday and f cards for his dad

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by 69mach1, Jun 16, 2006.

  1. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    i nearly started crying in the store...i saw myself in him...

    he could not pick a card out for his father because his dad has not been there for him....

    his dad's b-day is well now 6/17 and his 40th...and sunday is father's day...

    cody, who is 16 yrs, finally said i can not get him a card because what i am going to say thanks for being there for me all those times i needed you...

    he only got his f-day card...i got very irritable in the store..and snapped at him... and said ok fine don't get him a b-day card...it saves me money anyways...

    he said mom way are you acting like that...i said cody i already told you today i got bad news from the doctor...and i hurt and in pain...

    and i understand how it is to try and pick a card out for your father and none of them mean anything to you....

    cody and i can't pick those cards out for the world's best dad...or thanks for being there for me...kind of things


    so we went to costco and i bought him a cd for his b-day and some really nice leather flip flop sandals...if they had them in women's i would've boought some for myself.

    i bought some steaks for sunday and told cody if he wanted to come here and bbq them here for his dad that is fine or if he wanted to just take them to his dad's that was fine...

    so dad p.u cody tonight... i asked if he had plans for father's day...he said no, he was probably make cody a slave for the day...

    so i said if you want to come up here and bbc and use the pool you may and cody can cook them for you...

    he said he might jsut do that...

    we'll see....

    i try to instill some family values into cody...

    his dad has the idea we were put on this earth to have fun...

    i told him we were put on here for family and we have responsiblities to take care of along the line then some fun..

    anyone else felt this way about picking out cards for a parent....

    i used to try to always get something that i thought my dad would approve of...even thought he didnt' deserve it...

    jodie
  2. alaska3355

    alaska3355 New Member

    I can hear your hurt in your post. I think you are a person who is always thinking of others, which is a great quality. You keep being who you are...and I hope you have a great weekend! Gentle hugs, Terri
  3. Empower

    Empower New Member

    I can understand your son's point of view

    I have that problem picking out Mother's Day Cards, because I had an abusive mom, and it is really hard to forget.

    Sorry to hear that you and your son are hurting
  4. mrdad

    mrdad New Member


    I don't know how I missed your Post yesterday. Must have been that "brane frog" thing!! I'm sorry you have not had a good couple of days. Take some deep breaths and try an relieve the stress. It sounds as though you hve a great son who is caring and sensitive.

    I have to go to the hospital tomorrow for a phlebotemy 'cause of my hemochromatosis. Sounds like a good place to hideout for Father's Day. Don't want some kid I've never seen before showing up at my doorstep with a card and flowers!!

    Seriously thouugh, you have to feel better soon. Bethm is moving up today from So.CAL to San Mateo Co. Being that you are in Sonoma Co. and I'm in S.F. the parties are all going to end up at my house!! I guess I'm going to need your help picking out a vacuum. So rest up, o.k.??

    "Talk" with ya latter,
    MRDAD
  5. Jeanne-in-Canada

    Jeanne-in-Canada New Member


    there is nothing mushy or sentimental to say to her really, it would be phoney and we'd both know it.

    What you could do is get a generic card and write whatever you want. They always seem to have a selection of those w/ various nice pictures and they are blank inside.

    Maybe deadbeat Dad will have an epiphane one day and get the message: you're a void, a barren wasteland.

    You could wish!


    Jeanne
  6. julieisfree05

    julieisfree05 New Member

    I SO understand what you're saying!

    I have to go pick out a f/d gift for my future-ex today - and my baby is not even with me! I'll have to remember that I'm a lady when picking out a card.. :)

    The worst (best?) part is that we have both protected our child so much that he doesn't know what his dad has done. I won't tell him because I don't want him to resent his dad, but knowing that he thinks his dad is a saint really irritates the daylights out of me.

    Someday, he will know what his dad has done, but I WILL NOT be the one to tell him.

    My f/x bought a CD for for our son to give me for Mother's Day. Knowing that I love Toby Keith, he got me the new CD, "White Trash with Money" - a jab? You make the call..

    I don't think he realized that the first single was called,

    "It's a little too little, It's a little too late"

    If it was a jab, it backfired!

    LOL!!

    I'm so sorry for your situation. I know how hard it is to try to keep things civil, and I'm just getting started in this disaster..

    - julie (is free!)

    I really wanna care
    I wanna feel something
    let me dig a little deeper
    Nope, nothin'... - Jo Dee Messina
  7. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    Abusive, toxic parents. I sent cards that said "Have a nice day."

    I was at a 12 step program one time. Someone said he got his father a card that said "Keep breathing". That was about as warm and loving as he could bring himself to be.

    On Mothers' Day/ Fathers' Day and much of the rest of the year the internet is filled w/ stuff about how wonderful parents are. It's a goal; an ideal; a concept. It's not a reality for many people.
  8. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    the dead beat dad of the year card would be a sell out all across the country and many others i am sure....

    i just try and grin and bear...i keep my clothes on.lol

    i have been doing most of the holidays at my house so that cody can have some sort of family values...we just include his father....

    but this t-day and smas may be a little different...i just may tell him either he cooks it at his house or takes us out to dinner...

    not to mention xmas day is my real b-day...i will be a strong 42 year old women whom has lived a lifetime of some joys and some sorrows...

    i can't wait to see my son finish h.s. then off to college to make a wonder career for himself....i know i will weep when he buys his first home...i know he will do it..even if it is in california...he has some good plans for himself and seems very focused to doing them...

    still no drugs, alcohol or sex in his life....he is in that small percentage of high schooler that do not participate...he likes having fun playing video games...he used to go to magaic card night on fridays..don't ask me how to play it....too confusing for me....

    then he has his football and track...

    and yes the same old gf...he did get asked to a senior prom from a girl who's date backed out on her...i was hopeing he would go...then maybe he would see that is his current gf is not so nice to him...i did not say it, but wanted too.

    mr.dad in san francisco.....

    i live in marin county right across from the golden gate....
    the last city before sonoma county...near the old sears point raceway...that sounds fun right now...

    my ex and i used to go show off our 69 mach 1 and our 67 mustang...they were beauties..i had to sell the mach 1 for cash...i was out of money and no more sdi and fighting for my ssdi....it was all original and sold it for way too cheap...

    eddie murhpy the actor owned....they filmed that car at mare island....for the movie....brain fog...."metro"...

    well a good vacuumm is the eureka boss...w/hepa filter....and uses the bags...i have one already....

    i did like my mother in laws dyka(sp)...it was lite and was easy on my shoulders...



    i still need to go hang out at my pool...for a little relaxing time in the sun...

    i just wished had my before anti-depressant body...even though i went to dr's yesterday and i had lost some more wweight....

    w/o truly trying...to...

    well talk to you later dadman...and sometime when we set up a time to go on the chat board we can exchange email's legally that way w/o any of us getting punished...


    jodie
  9. libra55

    libra55 New Member

    We have that issue with the greeting cards here as well. Not much more to say on that. I know it hurts.

    Michelle
  10. Jeanne-in-Canada

    Jeanne-in-Canada New Member


    And thank goodness your kids have one good parent.

    It is a huge testiment of your personal integrity and love for your children, putting them first over your own needs, to go and get cards w/ them for their deadbeat dads.

    It must be hard to hold your tongues about what their Dad's are really like, but its so important for your kids mental health and for their very self esteem.

    My Mom used to bash my paternal father so bad, it didn't matter how much I asked her not to for my sake. He'd listen, he was the bigger person, but she's always been totally selfish. When you love someone, whehter you see them as good or not, it hurts to have someone put down your parents, the very people who shape you and make you who you are, even if its another parent doing it.

    Parents that put down loved ones to thier kids are so selfish and destructive. It must be very hard to resist the urge, esp. if the kid has a false view of their parent as the good guy. It will all come out in the wash in the end, and your child will admire you for being the bigger person.


    Jeanne
  11. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    that is my one advice that i try to work hard at...

    and when they other parent truly has issues like mental or otherwise...you just let the kids figure it out for themselves...they will.....julie and others...

    we do not need to call them s.o.b's....but i had to make my son aware of certain signs and symptoms of bipolar and the self medication of his dad's choice, alcohol....

    the courts said i did not have enough on him to keep my son away from his dad until he got further treatment...the dui, and other incidents that were documented by legal unbias sources were not enough.....

    i even had the documents of father stabbing a knife into a rack(bed) attached with a note that said "your next"....

    he did get reprimanded...fined by the captain of the ship...but the commander wanted to bring him up on attempted murder charges...he didn't like the ex for whatever reason...napolean syndrome more likely...the commander ended up getting booted out of the coast guard...

    the ex did it as a joke before he went on his last 2 months of leave and was doing it as a joke to one of his shipmates...he forgot to take it out and talk to the person before he went home...

    anyways that was more proof of not normal behavior of someone in their right state of mind...

    oh well...

    jodie
  12. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    i see we are not the only ones...

    i just wished my son didn't have to feel those pains that we have all our lives as well...

    i hope i get a heartfelt card from my son....he does tell me h e loves me all the time...he has told me he feels secure w/me and also has told me i care too much and the other one doesn't care at all...

    well i see in my son's future when he is about 25 yrs. he will then tell his father of his painful childhood aand the lack of a father in his life...

    jodie
  13. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    thank you for understanding...

    hugs to you both as well

    need to take out my garbage..

    jodie
  14. julieisfree05

    julieisfree05 New Member

    I know that someday my son will figure his dad out, so there is no need for me to bash him. He has a pretty good BS detector, and he'll catch on when he's older.

    You are exactly right about how it hurts to hear one parent bash the other. Kids love their parents through almost anything, and bashing your ex only hurts the child.

    I just got a card for his dad and the DVD that my son wanted to give him, but I'm going to let MY dad take it over there! The less we see of each other, the better we seem to get along....go figure! LOL!

    Thanks to everyone for the support and kind words. One of the reasons that I tried so hard to save my marriage was to keep my son from having to go through this mess. I'm just trying to use what I learned when I went through it as a child to protect him the best I can.

    - julie (is free!)

    Did God overlook it
    what ought have been written?
    The Eleventh Commandment
    "Honor Thy Children".. - Collin Raye