MY sons doctor realy offended me Todaywhat to do??

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by momwinterwhite, Sep 18, 2006.

  1. momwinterwhite

    momwinterwhite New Member

    Hello everyone ,I took my son to the doctor this
    morning. he is sixteen and he has seenthis doctor forever.
    he loves him dearly and so do I.However today my sons
    symptons are chest pain fatigue upset stomach IBS.
    and others he is usually very active but has been
    going to bed real early having headachs which he was seen
    for two weeks ago.

    Anyway I told his Doctor that I have fibromialgia and
    That I pray that my children dont get it .

    His response was "there are many worse things like cancer
    It is only pain" And I dont look for it anyway because
    there is nothing you can do for it."

    I have so much respect for this doctor and my son
    really has always had a good relationship with him.
    he did run every test possiable today inc
    ekg-x-ray lungs Lots of labs.

    I am so offended those words cut me like a knife honestly
    I would on most days rather be terminal that
    to have to live with the chronic pain and the frustations
    of not being able to have my normal life back both
    phisically emotionaly and cognitivly.should I let dr know
    how much his words hurt me or just let it go.
    lol momwinterehite
  2. OptimusUndead

    OptimusUndead Member

    Why is cancer worse, because you die!!! i'm not even sure i would agree with that. And man its so human nature for people to use the "Death" card, and commen to ignore pain untill it is life-thretening. ARgg the mentality of some people.

    I think you know what you should have done to be quite honest, and were probobly looking out for the interest of your son, and the relationship with this Dr. You should have spoken up, and told him that he had no idea what he was talking about. Or maybe went about it a little more constructively!! We only live once, we need to speak up about things, and this Dr. WAs totally out of line. Right there i would have wanted to blow up, and give him a piece of my mind. Shows me that he has no empathy.
  3. Marta608

    Marta608 Member

    I'm sorry your doctor couldn't have held his tongue. It was thoughtless and insensitive of him to say what he did. But, you know, maybe he'd been up all night with another, more ill patient or even someone in his own family. Or maybe he didn't feel well himself.

    While, because they're educated professionals, we tend to hold our doctors to a higher standard than we do others - and should medically - maybe you need to cut the guy some slack this time. If this isn't his usual demeanor, if your son likes and respects him and if he did all the tests necessary, take a deep breath and let it go.

    I understand and even share your concern in my own family but this is not about your illness; this is about finding help for your son.

  4. momwinterwhite

    momwinterwhite New Member

    It is so sad when someone so young gets sick.but you are a
    inspiration to me (I read your Bio) .I also mentioned to
    the doctor that more and more it is affecting younger people
    and a possiably link to genetics.I have two aunts that have this also.Do you have any family with this??
    Thanks for your words .I believe I will write his dr.
    I proably will do better at that.I was just so hurt I
    could not respond I was holding bact the tears.
    we see him in three weeks if not before.
    I will have a letter for him by then.
    stay strong. Momwinterwhite.
  5. lenasvn

    lenasvn New Member

    Give him an informative broshure about FM and CFS. He may have a teen come in who has it and fail to diagnose. Giving him a chance to stay informed might help someone else down the road.

  6. Empower

    Empower New Member

    Aren't all these docs going to be ashamed when years in the future they have a definitive test for FMS and CFS

    They should NOT be in their profession

    How rude!
  7. NyroFan

    NyroFan New Member


    I am sorry you had to be insulted, directly or indirectly, by this doctor.

    I hope your son is well soon and that you are doing OK.

  8. hermitlady

    hermitlady Member

    I think most of us have had insensitive comments made to us at one time or another. I had a rheum Dr tell me "well everyone gets aches and pains as they get older", I was only in my mid 30's and he thought I was just complaining too much. GRRRR!!!

    The comment that you made about rather having a terminal illness sometimes has crossed my mind soooo many times. I thought I was so awful to think that, but this illness just robs us of truly enjoying our lives. A different diagnosis is what I've wished for over and over.

    Sorry, didn't mean to ramble, you just really sound like me! I've had drs make me miserable w their poor bedside manner. I hope your son feels better soon.

  9. PepperGirl52

    PepperGirl52 New Member

    Having worked with doctors for years, this is what I would do. Not saying it's the right thing for you, but I can feel your hurt and frustration!!

    I would write the doctor a nice letter letting him know that you have trusted your son's health and very life to him for (however many) years, and you appreciate him more than he can realize. BUT, your last OV was very upsetting to you because of the remark he made about your condition, ie CF/FMS.

    Go on to explain to him the way your life has changed, the pain you endure, the meds you take, the things you have had to give up that were important to you because of these conditions. Then ask him-how can they be compared to ANY other diseases in the universe?? AND, would HE choose to live with this, and worry that his child would also have to deal with it, too??

    That is MY take on it. So many doctors say stupid things without even realizing it. He probably actually thought he was encouraging you, and trying to get you to look at your diseases in a different light. BUT, he needs to know that he KNOWS NOTHING about what you go through, and the millions of us who have lost our jobs, livelihoods, health, etc, to these diseases.

    Time for this doc to go to a nice seminar!! You might also direct him to his local library to pick up a few of Devin Starlyn's books. MY doc has read them, and so should HE! Good luck! PG

    PS-trust me, you'll be doing him a great favor!
  10. pw7575

    pw7575 New Member

    I am soo glad that you are going to write this doctor a letter. A doctor should NEVER say something like that to a person. They should be sensitive to every illness. What a horrible thing to say. I think it is good for you to write him so that he is not so ignorant as to say something like that in the future. Maybe if he learns more about the illness he will be able to benefit other patients who come in to see him. It is better for his patients if he recognizes this illness and will actually diagnose someone who has it. Information is power. We need to get the word out about this illness so people will take it more seriously and work towards finding a cause and a cure.

    Plus I agree with one of the other comments about not being sure Cancer is any worse than this. I mean I am not saying that cancer is a picnic or that I would want to have it but how is this illness any less awful than cancer. To me it is just as bad if not worse. People assume because something is life threatening that it is worse but to me that is not the case. At least with a life threatening illness there is end in sight. You are either cured or you die. Not that I want to die but to know there is an end to your horrible ordeal is a good thing. At least they don't have to live with an illness year after year after year. I am 30 years old and have had CFS for 5 years and it is HORRIBLE. I think if I live to be say 70 years old that means that I have to live with this every day for 40 more years. 40 YEARS!!! I can't even bring myself to think about that because if I do I will lose my mind literally. Being sick every day for 5 years has been horribly difficult so I can't even let myself think about 40 more years of is just too overwhelming. So this doctor needs to be educated. Because living with an illness for 5, 10, 20, 40 or 60 years is to me one of the worst things possible.

    I am sooo sorry that he said that to you. My mom called me yesterday and said she ran into a friend of mine from when I was about 8 years old. She asked how my sisters and I were and my mom told her that I have CFS and the girl says oh well that is managable. She just brushed it off. People just have no clue. Just keep in mind that WE understand what you are going through and how difficult it is. People like that are everywhere and that doctor is just one more ignorant person who has no clue what we go through. Just take comfort in knowing that we are here and we understand you.
  11. shar6710

    shar6710 New Member

    I agree with peppergirl. Doctors are human too and anyone can say something stupid. He didn't say he didn't believe in FM but that he didn't look for it because there's nothing he could do about it. And I think by making the cancer comment he was saying it wasn't life threatening.

    Since this is someone you respect and have a good relationship with try the letter. Don't be judgmental (after all don't we hate it when others judge us) but let him know you were disappointed in his response, educate him about legitimate treatment options. I think the AMA also has had a big push recently to get doctors to treat pain more aggressively too, maybe you could do some research on that. Remind him that improving the quality of life of his patients is part of his duty as a doctor.

    Good luck,
  12. julieisfree05

    julieisfree05 New Member

    I would have told him to "Go Dick Cheney Yourself"! LOL!

    But seriously, the "cancer" comparison always makes me angry. Of course cancer is a horrible disease, but that doesn't make other diseases any LESS horrible - especially "chronic" ones. Many people with cancer recover and go on to live full lives, and they don't have to put up with the "all in your head" BS that we do!

    "It's only pain"? That tells me two things:

    1. This guy has never experienced excruciating, 24/7, CHRONIC pain.

    2. He is unaware of the dozens of other life-altering symptoms that are hallmarks of FM.

    - julie (is free!)

    I believe in
    leather saddles
    old camaros
    and pickin' your battles.. - Radney Foster
  13. Slayadragon

    Slayadragon New Member

    Another key point is that except with a very few cancers, a high percentage of patients achieve a full remission/cure and go on to live perfectly normal lives.

    CFS has no such cure, and most experts agree that no sufferers ever really get over it (although they may go into extended periods where they feel normal or almost-normal).

    Hopefully that will change in the future, but it is an issue that merits consideration at present.
  14. ruby711

    ruby711 New Member

    Yes a letter is a great idea, otherwise your anger will increase.
    I would inform him that fm is an illness that can cause complete disability for many reasons in addition to pain, and that his lack of knowledge and insensitivity is perplexing and extremely hurtful. Why would he not be interested in the fact that his young patient could become disabled or suffer in any way? If he is not qualified to make a diagnosis he can make a referral. Would he want the same treatment and harsh words if he were in pain? WOW!
    Maybe he needs a sign on his door that says no fibro patients allowed. I am sure their is a list here.
  15. cjcookie

    cjcookie New Member

    wouldn't but I would have wanted to kick him in his privates and say "no big deal, it's only pain, right?!". I would say something to the doctor - maybe give him a printout about Fibro. He needs to know that he hurt your feelings. Sometimes MEN are so stupid. It also seems like the smarter they are, the worse their social skills are.

    I don't know about anyone else, but I know I've gone through spells when I wish the pain would end even if it meant death. I don't feel like this all the time, I've got Grandbabies to look forward to, right?
  16. FriendonthePath

    FriendonthePath New Member

    He says "there is nothing you can do for FMS" which is just plain wrong. My doctor treats the sleep disorder and the pain and has me on an exercise program. This has reduced my symptoms a great deal.

    It's alarming to me that he chooses not to "look for" a certain disease, are there other diseases he ignores? What if your son develops something that this guy has on his ignore list???

    I would take your son out of there. It sounds like this doctor is behind the times and is not aware of current medicine.

    Teach your son to choose a doctor based on his performance, not his likability.

    (Sorry about my tone, but your doctor has pissed me off, lol!)
  17. butterfly83

    butterfly83 New Member

    I'd be offended too. Honestly, in my experience, some doctors can be great for regular stuff, but they know absolutely NOTHING about the life altering pain that FMS people go through.

    If it was me, i would just let it go. I've encountered a lot of people who don't understand how serious FMS is for the people who have to live with it, but for those people I just smile because i know they have no clue what they are talking about. And they probably aren't going to change their minds because of an emotional outburst by me. I just have to let those things roll off me now, and stick with the people who truly understand. I doubt that if you told this doctor that cancer would be easier to deal with since people actually take your pain seriously, he would think it was an exageration. Some people can't understand what they haven't lived through.
  18. carebelle

    carebelle New Member

    This is another example that Doctors need to get educated about this DD. When you go back I would take him some of the letters written here about our pain.

    Also the research that is on a thread here. There is NO EXCUSE anymore in the medical profession to not accept how truly life changing things are for us with this DD.

    If this Doctor is a good Doc he will that you for the information and READ it after your appointment.

    I think I am going to print and take it to EVERY Doctor Appointment I have.For the Doctor and his Staff.
    Its up to us who have it ,to make them understand how Real this is to people who have it.
  19. momwinterwhite

    momwinterwhite New Member

    I am so sorry for your loss I lost my grandmother to
    cancer it was really bad like you said .I certianly
    in no way mean to trivialize the comparrison to fibro
    I think perhaps we all say things when we are
    hurt and frustated that only have a certian truth
    to it .I am glade I dont have cancer but I do have to
    bear this other disease and it has just been so bad
    latley that mabey I was overly sensitive to my sons
    doctors remark. Thank you all for being here my
    only sense of any relief at all is knowing there are
    so many of you who understand unlike anyone without
    this dd. what part of ourselves we have lost because
    of the constant pain and fatigue. anyway my son is
    feeling some better tonight and I will let you all
    know how things with him go. Please keep us in your prayers.

    I dont mean to take so long but I also have recently had
    to give up my job .I can no longer bear the pain and fatigue
    and like so many of you I have no income right now
    but for 85.00 per week child support.and you know
    the added stress is breaking my emotional bank.
    but I am trying to stay spiritualy strong.
    Thanks everyone Momwinterwhite
  20. hermitlady

    hermitlady Member

    Email the Dr a link to this message board and this thread. He could probably learn a lot here! LOL

    Hang in there winterwhite....good luck.

    xxxooo Hermit

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