My turn to vent

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by lavender_butterfly, Oct 22, 2002.

  1. lavender_butterfly

    lavender_butterfly New Member

    I am normally so optimistic...I guess its just my turn to vent. I am so damn idealistic and I think that is my big problem. I expect so much out of the world. I am not usually too disappointed, but sometimes, something happens, and I come crashing back down to reality. When that happens, especially when it happens twice in such a short period of time, I get rather depressed.

    The first incident was with my husband, while he was at work. We had some serious car problems last week, which were not covered by the warranty. That ended up costing us an arm and a leg and my husband was unable to go to work for four days. He works 50 minutes away from where we live, and there is just no public transportation that will get him there, especially if he works third shift. The buses stop running at 5 pm and well, he wouldn't be done until 10 pm. Our roommate goes to work at 9 pm, so she wouldn't be able to pick him up. He would be stuck, unless he took a cab, which would be ridiculously expensive.

    There is another branch of his store nearby and he has been trying to get transferred there for some time. In fact, the store manager there (I will call her Nancy) has been actively trying to convince his current store manager (I will call her Jill) to move him. It would only take him five minutes to get to work, instead of 50 minutes, and he would be able to take a bus there if the car happened to break down. He has told Jill about my DD and has explained that it would help him to take better care of me if he were closer to home. Jill told him that it would be a bad move for him. Jill has been promising for a really long time to train him for a manager position. He is currently a team lead. Jill said that the store that is closer doesn't do as much business as the store he is currently at, so he would be looked over for a manager promotion. Jill said that in fact, he would probably never even receive manager training.

    Well, another manager (I will call him Jim) was transferred to my husband's store due to manager shortage. Before Jim was transferred he was working at the location that is closest to us. Jim and my husband spoke at some length when he returned to work after the car was fixed. Jim asked my husband why he kept turning down Nancy's offer, since it would help him to be so much closer to home. My husband was confused...what offer? Jim said that Nancy would be losing one of her managers next year, due to a new store opening. Nancy is very interested in having my husband work at her store so she can train him as a manager, so he can take over when the old manager transfers to the new store. My husband told Jim what Jill had said, and Jim said that was nonsense. He said that whoever gets management training is up to the current store manager and their recommendation, regardless of the location or the amount of business they do.

    Keep in mind that my husband works his butt off...he easily does the work of four people, especially in his department. He really cares, takes his time, pays close attention to detail, and gets it done right the first time. He never stops moving while he is there and he takes pride in what he does. In fact, Jill constantly brags to every other manager she can find about how wonderful he is. I may be wrong, my husband may be wrong...but what it looks like to us, is that she never intended on training him as a manager. If she did, she would probably lose him to another location. And then, she would have to try to replace him and that would be rather difficult for her to accomplish. So basically, she has been lying to him for selfish reasons. The part that hurts the most is that she has been pretending to have his best interests at heart. She knows how damn sick I am and she knows how much it would help us out for my husband to work closer. Not only that, but it would help us out SO much if he got that promotion. We would have more money to pay for my medications, doctor visits, etc. I might even be able to take some time off from work for awhile. But no. All she cares about is keeping him around so she doesn't have to replace him. I mean, yeah...it says something about his level of commitment that she values him so much. But it says something about her scruples that she would lie to him like that, at the expense of him and our family. It really hurt my feelings so much. I thought she cared about both of us. I guess I was wrong.

    The second incident happened on Monday. Due to the fact that the car broke down and I had to pay $600 out of pocket, I couldn't afford to make a car payment this month. And probably not next month, either. I spoke with our lien holder and he suggested that we come in to refinance. He said they would forgive us a month of payment and lower our payments. Sounded good to me, so I made an appointment. He insisted, quite forcefully, that we come in at 4:30, which was a little hard on me. I had to leave work early because of it. So I asked if we could make the appointment for 5:00, but he insisted on 4:30. I asked him if we would get in and out right away and he assured me that it would take no time at all. I made it VERY clear to him that it would have to happen fast so I could get home and rest. If I can't rest at night, its almost impossible, if not impossible for me to make it to work the next day. If I don't make it to work, then I don't get paid, and neither does the car payment. (Not altogether true...I still have PTO left. But not much and I like to save it for emergencies, especially this close to the end of the year) So he sweet talked me and told me that everything would be just fine.

    We went in on Monday and sat around for an hour and a half before his dumb butt finally came in to see us. But that time, I was slumped over on the desk, resting my head and stretching my back out. I was in agony from sitting in that horrible, uncomfortable chair. My husband was furious. He told the guy that he really needed to hurry so he could get me home and put me in bed. The guy just laughed it off. So my husband asked him what was so funny? Did he not see how sick I was and how much I needed to get home and sleep? The guy apologized and processed our loan application as fast as he could. Although, by that point, it didn't feel fast enough. He came back in to have us sign the papers and he had added on a protection plan and a maintenance plan!! We already have a stinking warranty...why the hell do we need a second warranty? I agreed with the loan protection plan. That would help us out in case of emergencies. And it was only an extra $2 a month. Fine. But the stupid second warranty would have cost us $55 a month!!! And he was just going to tack that one without saying anything to us. I lost it and started yelling. I was fed up. That would have raised our car payment, not decreased it, like he promised. Well, my husband had to pull me back into my chair and calm me down, because I was ready to strangle the guy. He apologized, took off the second warranty, and came back in with new paperwork for us to sign. I looked it over, signed it, and threw it down, saying, "Can we go now?" I was SO angry. Not to mention the fact that I am still exhausted from not being able to rest and from being that stressed out.

    What is it with people not taking me seriously and trying to take advantage of my husband and I? Do they not realize how serious my DD is...or how much worse it could get if I don't take care of myself? How much more clear do I have to be with people to get them to realize that when I say I need to rest or need my husband to work closer, I AM SERIOUS? Is it really that damn hard to understand? SHEESH!!

    Sorry, I am just pissed off and disillusioned right now. Sorry this was so long. Thanks for listening to me vent.

  2. lavender_butterfly

    lavender_butterfly New Member

    I am normally so optimistic...I guess its just my turn to vent. I am so damn idealistic and I think that is my big problem. I expect so much out of the world. I am not usually too disappointed, but sometimes, something happens, and I come crashing back down to reality. When that happens, especially when it happens twice in such a short period of time, I get rather depressed.

    The first incident was with my husband, while he was at work. We had some serious car problems last week, which were not covered by the warranty. That ended up costing us an arm and a leg and my husband was unable to go to work for four days. He works 50 minutes away from where we live, and there is just no public transportation that will get him there, especially if he works third shift. The buses stop running at 5 pm and well, he wouldn't be done until 10 pm. Our roommate goes to work at 9 pm, so she wouldn't be able to pick him up. He would be stuck, unless he took a cab, which would be ridiculously expensive.

    There is another branch of his store nearby and he has been trying to get transferred there for some time. In fact, the store manager there (I will call her Nancy) has been actively trying to convince his current store manager (I will call her Jill) to move him. It would only take him five minutes to get to work, instead of 50 minutes, and he would be able to take a bus there if the car happened to break down. He has told Jill about my DD and has explained that it would help him to take better care of me if he were closer to home. Jill told him that it would be a bad move for him. Jill has been promising for a really long time to train him for a manager position. He is currently a team lead. Jill said that the store that is closer doesn't do as much business as the store he is currently at, so he would be looked over for a manager promotion. Jill said that in fact, he would probably never even receive manager training.

    Well, another manager (I will call him Jim) was transferred to my husband's store due to manager shortage. Before Jim was transferred he was working at the location that is closest to us. Jim and my husband spoke at some length when he returned to work after the car was fixed. Jim asked my husband why he kept turning down Nancy's offer, since it would help him to be so much closer to home. My husband was confused...what offer? Jim said that Nancy would be losing one of her managers next year, due to a new store opening. Nancy is very interested in having my husband work at her store so she can train him as a manager, so he can take over when the old manager transfers to the new store. My husband told Jim what Jill had said, and Jim said that was nonsense. He said that whoever gets management training is up to the current store manager and their recommendation, regardless of the location or the amount of business they do.

    Keep in mind that my husband works his butt off...he easily does the work of four people, especially in his department. He really cares, takes his time, pays close attention to detail, and gets it done right the first time. He never stops moving while he is there and he takes pride in what he does. In fact, Jill constantly brags to every other manager she can find about how wonderful he is. I may be wrong, my husband may be wrong...but what it looks like to us, is that she never intended on training him as a manager. If she did, she would probably lose him to another location. And then, she would have to try to replace him and that would be rather difficult for her to accomplish. So basically, she has been lying to him for selfish reasons. The part that hurts the most is that she has been pretending to have his best interests at heart. She knows how damn sick I am and she knows how much it would help us out for my husband to work closer. Not only that, but it would help us out SO much if he got that promotion. We would have more money to pay for my medications, doctor visits, etc. I might even be able to take some time off from work for awhile. But no. All she cares about is keeping him around so she doesn't have to replace him. I mean, yeah...it says something about his level of commitment that she values him so much. But it says something about her scruples that she would lie to him like that, at the expense of him and our family. It really hurt my feelings so much. I thought she cared about both of us. I guess I was wrong.

    The second incident happened on Monday. Due to the fact that the car broke down and I had to pay $600 out of pocket, I couldn't afford to make a car payment this month. And probably not next month, either. I spoke with our lien holder and he suggested that we come in to refinance. He said they would forgive us a month of payment and lower our payments. Sounded good to me, so I made an appointment. He insisted, quite forcefully, that we come in at 4:30, which was a little hard on me. I had to leave work early because of it. So I asked if we could make the appointment for 5:00, but he insisted on 4:30. I asked him if we would get in and out right away and he assured me that it would take no time at all. I made it VERY clear to him that it would have to happen fast so I could get home and rest. If I can't rest at night, its almost impossible, if not impossible for me to make it to work the next day. If I don't make it to work, then I don't get paid, and neither does the car payment. (Not altogether true...I still have PTO left. But not much and I like to save it for emergencies, especially this close to the end of the year) So he sweet talked me and told me that everything would be just fine.

    We went in on Monday and sat around for an hour and a half before his dumb butt finally came in to see us. But that time, I was slumped over on the desk, resting my head and stretching my back out. I was in agony from sitting in that horrible, uncomfortable chair. My husband was furious. He told the guy that he really needed to hurry so he could get me home and put me in bed. The guy just laughed it off. So my husband asked him what was so funny? Did he not see how sick I was and how much I needed to get home and sleep? The guy apologized and processed our loan application as fast as he could. Although, by that point, it didn't feel fast enough. He came back in to have us sign the papers and he had added on a protection plan and a maintenance plan!! We already have a stinking warranty...why the hell do we need a second warranty? I agreed with the loan protection plan. That would help us out in case of emergencies. And it was only an extra $2 a month. Fine. But the stupid second warranty would have cost us $55 a month!!! And he was just going to tack that one without saying anything to us. I lost it and started yelling. I was fed up. That would have raised our car payment, not decreased it, like he promised. Well, my husband had to pull me back into my chair and calm me down, because I was ready to strangle the guy. He apologized, took off the second warranty, and came back in with new paperwork for us to sign. I looked it over, signed it, and threw it down, saying, "Can we go now?" I was SO angry. Not to mention the fact that I am still exhausted from not being able to rest and from being that stressed out.

    What is it with people not taking me seriously and trying to take advantage of my husband and I? Do they not realize how serious my DD is...or how much worse it could get if I don't take care of myself? How much more clear do I have to be with people to get them to realize that when I say I need to rest or need my husband to work closer, I AM SERIOUS? Is it really that damn hard to understand? SHEESH!!

    Sorry, I am just pissed off and disillusioned right now. Sorry this was so long. Thanks for listening to me vent.

  3. Fairyeyes

    Fairyeyes New Member

    You are not alone. Nowadays, everyone is looking out for #1. Don't let them treat you like #2, if ya get my drift...
  4. stillafreemind

    stillafreemind New Member

    when it rains it pours! It sounds like you are being flooded by people who cannot/do not put themselves in other peoples shoes. I am so sorry that you are going through all of this and sure hope things turn around for you.

    Wishing you a day of peace..
  5. lavender_butterfly

    lavender_butterfly New Member

    I just get so frustrated with people who are SO selfish!!

    I know that I do need to look out for number one more often. I really do. But its so hard for me. I have always been one of those people who looked out for other people and now, I have to do it more for myself. Rationally, I know this. But when I do it, I feel so damn selfish and mean. Makes it so difficult for me to understand how other people could take advantage of others and then live with themselves afterwards. But you are right fairyeyes, I should be looking out for #1 and her family more often!

    Thank you for the support and listening to me rant on about my woes! It does help to know that other people are listening. Stillafreemind, thank you so much for the comforting wish for peace...I do need it!! You are so right on when you wrote that people need to walk in the shoes of others. I think if everyone tried to do that at least once, they would understand more about the world they live in.

    Thanks again!
  6. pamela

    pamela New Member

    The world sucks today. There are so many stupid, selfish people out there I am as mad as you are alot of the time. I have to just shrug it off and think they will get theirs. I have had very similar happenings happen to me as you have just described. It sucks!!! Just hang in there and do the best you can. It makes you wonder how some people can keep their jobs. Since that guy was really rude to you and DID NOT LISTEN, you might think about writing a letter to his supervisor. Some people might say what would that accomplish? But it might put the stupid dude in his place. After all what ever happened to customer service and public realations? What are you and your husband going to do about his selfish lying boss? I know you need the job so it is a difficult situaion. Sometimes you have to play the game until there is some break where you can outsmart them. That's what I had to learn working for outfits like that. Your post really got me, thanks for venting because I don't feel all alone either...putting up w/ people like you just described. Hang in there, HUGS!!!!! Pamela
  7. PrincessofYoga

    PrincessofYoga New Member

    Hi,

    Read your post and you know, what I got most from it is how dedicated you are to your husband, how you adore him and look up to his work ethic...like you would stand by him (and seems him by you) through anything. He is lucky to have you and you him. Focus on that...and let the rest of it blur... Stewing about what others do gets you nothing but a headache and upset stomach (and so much more with this dd)

    About the boss...I personally would go one above her and discuss it with a regional manager of sorts (if that is what abover her). If you discuss your desire (especially with his work record and performance being as good as it is) to move within the company to accomodate your family, most companies would be more than happy to do that for you, to keep a good worker I mean.

    I was afraid of the same thing with my job. I worked full time im a high stress position, where I initially got sick (from that and various personal stressors). I realized that going part time, away from the environment I was in was the best move for me. So I applied for another position within the company, knowing it would hurt the department I was in. The HR person who ended up setting up interviews and offering me the position I am in said to me, "you cant worry about the position it will leave them in,...its not your concern". He was the one who would have to struggle to find my replacement but he didnt care. He knew what a hard worker I was and didnt want to loose me to another company. I am now in a beautiful office (top dogs as a matter of fact) and a tenth of the stress. Thank God I looked outside the box instead of staying there, getting sicker and sicker.

    Put your concerns/your life first. Dont absorb the pain from everyone else because they dont see your life the way you do, or value it as much. How sad is the life of someone who cant have compassion and love for others? Not a life I would care to lead or live. I am thankful God gave me the vision to see my life for what it is (most of the time)...beautiful...like yours (my guy is like yours)

    I wish hope, love, and happiness will come your way very soon.

    Namaste
    Lisa
    [This Message was Edited on 10/24/2002]
  8. dd

    dd New Member

    You go right ahead a vent, vent, vent. You deserve to after what you have gone thru. We are here to give hugs from afar and support when you need it.

    I really felt your pain and frustration thru your post. I know what you mean about always trying to be optimistic and the caregiver to everyone around you. I do the same thing. I always look at the world thru rose colored glasses because it is hard for me to believe that people can actually be so cruel in this world. I always try to find the good in people but sometimes "those people" make it so damn difficult.

    Keep your optimistic attitude and rest assured that what goes around comes around for those that treat you the way that you were treated.

    As for your husband's job promotion, like someone else said, maybe go to the district manager. Chances are the district manager doesn't even know about your husband's desire to move up in the company because of that nit wit manager he works with now.

    Sending HUGS your way!!

    Debbie
  9. contessa

    contessa New Member

    I'll bet she's just making noises to look productive and intentially keeping your husband out of the picture. Sounds like he would make her look really bad if he went to work for her. Been there, and it always hurts to find out that someone else has been fudging the systems for years and getting paid more for it. Office politics pays big for the creeps that know how the game is played. For those who practice honesty, integrity and fair-play, well as a friend told me, "the view only changes for the lead sled dog".

    Hope you're feeling better now. Glad your hubby stood up for you! That in itself is worth gold. Sympathies on your car problems. We had both of ours blow engines within 2 days of each other. It wiped out our savings to get them fixed. Had no choice, the downside of country living. for you.