I had an appointment with my Rheumy on Monday. I had been feeling pretty bad all weekend—my pain level had been really high. My back had been going into these spasms so often that I could not sleep at night. Without much sleep combined with a high pain level leaves me completely undone! I waited for over 2 hours in my doc’s waiting room in an uncomfortable chair which got my back to hurting worse. I had to keep my head turned at an angle to watch the TV, which got my neck and head to hurting. After getting back into the exam room, had another hour wait. The Rheumy tells me that my Lupus is active, my Fibro is no better, tells me to exercise and lose weight (as always! Ugh!). But, he did 2 good things! One was to give me a shot of some type of cortisone or something in my knee—oh what a relief! The shot hurt because he hit a bone spur and said he had to work around it, but that was OK. My knee feels like new now!!! It had been hurting so badly that I was limping in order to favor it, which made my other leg hurt more. The arthritis in my left knee is really bad, but this made it feel like new!! It had been about 6 months since I had last had a shot in it. The other positive thing was that he started me on a different arthritis drug—every one that I have tried has done nothing for my arthritis. He said different ones work differently for everyone—which I know is true. This time I am trying “Voltaren”, 75 mg, 2 x day (generic is Diclofenac). This one works!!!!!! Hip, Hip, Hoorah! I have finally found some relief for my arthritis pain! Lortabs, or any other pain pills have never touched the arthritis pain and inflammation—this new NSAID does! But, it doesn’t do anything for the fibro pain, which I expected and the doc said it wouldn’t. So, there is my bad and good part of my week, because I am feeling better now (except for my back pain and spasms, of course – I don’t think I will ever get rid of them!). Now for the embarrassing! I felt so badly by the time I left the doc’s office (back spasms, high pain level, weak and shaky), that I could hardly walk to my car. When I got to the car, I just sat and cried, with my arms trembling. I called my older daughter to tell her I didn’t know if I could physically drive home and of course, just cried on her. She couldn’t come to get me, but just encouraged me to sit there and rest. I did—I sat in my car about 30 minutes or so. I just hate it when I do this!! I can’t stand it—it makes me so upset at myself because I feel like such a weakling and I used to be such a strong person. But my lack of sleep for days and my high pain level for days gets me like this. After I got my self together again. I drove to the local Office Max which was just a few block from the doc’s office. I had to get me a 2006 Planner. I really use this planner to write down my daily sugar readings (for my Endo) and note all of my doc appointments, etc. I was not about to have to drive all the way back to town to get it—which is about 40 minutes away from my house. I made it back to the back of the store and picked out my planner. On the way to the cash register, I realized that I could not physically walk that far. There was 2 store employees standing close by just talking and one looked at me and quickly came to my aid. He said “you look really pale—are you OK?” and I said “no, I can’t stand in that long line to buy this—can you take my Visa and it and go buy it for me while I sit in one of these display office chairs?” He said he rather not take my Visa, but he would open up a new register for me so I could check out quicker, and helped me to the checkout. While in signing my receipt, a girl who married a distant cousin of my husband came up behind me and starting chatting. She asked me if I knew who she was. I could have cared less, really! I told her that I was sorry, but I was in so much pain that I could not even think – and I just start crying AGAIN! Right in the store. I felt soooooo stupid, but I could not help it. I had absolutely no control over my emotions at that time. Here I am, nearly 55 years old, standing there crying in Office Max! She said she could tell by looking at me that I was not well and offered to help—but what could she do? Nothing. Well, I was in so much pain, that I could not walk out of the store. I did, but by shuffling one foot in front of the other, like taking baby steps. I had my cane but I actually thought I was going to pass out. I had illegally parked my car right by the door entrance because I knew that I could not walk even from a handicapped parking place. When I got outside the store, I just stood there crying. Oh, how embarrassing. I just wanted to die. My “relative” came out and took my purse and sack and helped me the few feet to my car. I had to sit in my car AGAIN there for about 30 minutes so I could pull myself together so I could drive home. I thought that I made a stupid move trying to get that planner, but I knew that I would never get anyone else to go to town and get one for me. I know I could have ordered one off of the internet but would have to pay $5 shipping to get a $20 planner, and I hate to pay those S&H charges!! But this time, I think it would have been worth it! Well, I finally made it home. I took a Lortab on the way home. I hate to take pain pills when driving—I don’t want to cloud my judgment any more than the fibro fog that I already have! My husband fixed us supper and I stayed in my recliner the rest of the evening watching TV. I have slept until 1:00 pm every day this week, except for today (Friday) trying to recuperate! I am finally feeling better. I feel a little stronger, my knee feels great, and the new arthritis is helping my overall arthritis pain. I’ve had a headache all week but it is gone today. All that is left is a foggy head with this loud buzzing sound. Looks like things are looking up for this weekend! At least it’s better, so far, than last weekend!!