Need a miracle (long)

Discussion in 'Spirituality/Worship' started by getridof, Jan 2, 2008.

  1. getridof

    getridof New Member

    I've been struggling to write this message. Perhaps it's sinful to ask for a miracle from God.

    I don't even know how to start writing this message. I'm so confused. Please forgive me if the story is confused as well.

    After years and years of praying, nothing really helped. I still keep avoiding people. Someone I know invited me to attend her wedding banquet, I told her a lie that I got an urgent job so I couldn't join her party. Every time I visited my friend when he's in his office, I always check if there is anyone else (strange! Eh?). I definitely in need of a job but I can just apply for those freelanced basis take-away job or those delivery jobs so I don't have to face people. My friend and my family members always think I'm irresponsible. They think I'm lazy or I like being so "free" in life. This is the most hurtful point. I love to work hard. I'm dying to have work fully occupied my day. Sometimes I received jobs that had to be finished in 3 days, I would do it overnight to get it done in 1 day, and the client was appreciated.

    The only thing is I can't be surrounded by people, that makes me scared. So I can't apply for an office job. You may ask what I'm scared of, the answer is "I don't know, difficult to tell." That's also the reason why I can't go to church.

    I know what I need. I need medication, I need counselling, I need CBT....But due to my problem, I'm non-productive and get extremely low income. I can't afford those stuffs which can help me. That's why I always have to stop the medication before it takes effect. (Everytime I pay the medical bill, it really shocked me and causes another anxiety). Recently I hurt my arm, and then I lose some more jobs.....

    I always feel helpless and lonely. I'm in need of friends. I got no one to talk and share (people I know won't understand my situation). Even if I'm facing the doctor, I can't express myself, I'm ashamed. I used to think I can handle this situation alone, but recently I know it's really out of my hand as I'm getting to this age. I'll be 39 this year. I'm quite convinced that I'll stay in this repeating nightmare forever. No chance. No way out.....

    This message was supposed to post on the Depression Board. After I think twice, I decided to put it here. Because I'm in need of a miracle although I know I'm stupid and nonsense to ask for that.
    [This Message was Edited on 01/02/2008]
  2. getridof

    getridof New Member

    Thanks for your reply.

    What?? You said,"I know there is a place where people donate their help for physical and mental problems and give free meds." Trust me, there is no such thing in Hong Kong. I regret to say everything here is about money money and money....

    The reason I said I'm stupid to ask for a miracle is:
    Miracles seem only happen in the Bible story, not the real world.....
    It's true. Keep observing and comparing, you'll find that it's true, I'm sorry to say that.

    Anyway, thanks so much that I can read from you. You're a kind-hearted person.
  3. Sweetpotatoe

    Sweetpotatoe New Member

    I am so sorry for what you are going through.

    I am not an expert it any way, I only have my own experiences to draw on and my heartfelt desire to help you.

    You have amazing clarity in how you feel and recognize the areas that are a struggle, that is truly the first step. I agree you need medication, just to give your mind and body a break from the constant torment.

    You absolutely are worthy of a miracle. Some miracles can be a journey, rebuilding, restoration and healing can be a process.

    If you keep doing the same thing, you will keep getting the same results. You need to look at the areas you can do something different. When my prayers don't get answered and God must be saying no, I say to myself 'if its going to be its up to me' God has never delivered me or blessed me with a miracle... and I have been desperate. I figure Jesus will help me if he won't deliver me from the situation.

    Sometimes there is no way to get past the mountain, when you can't go over it, under it, or around it, then the only way out is through it!!!!, sorry to sound preachy. It can be painful and uncomfortable and bring you to your knees, but sometimes there is no other way.

    I know a time in my life I was cornered, I had no choice but to face the thing I believed I could not face. I prayed and prayed and believed I what I was asking God for was only fair, I wanted God to ease the discomfort and not making me do what I was facing. Well God never answered. I through a fit, man I was angry, hurt and as mad as a wet hen, what was I going to do???. I had to face it.Not once but time and time again. I would say to myself 'if God be for me who can be against me', and 'I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me'. I said to myself, What is the worse thing that is going to happen if I have to do it??, It wasn't going to kill me, just make me physically sick, uncomfortable, panicky and down right hard.....but I made myself do it, I conquered it and have built me life gradually back from the pit of hell.

    This advice is in relation to facing some of your fears about people, places, work, church. Together with medication and a willing spirit and walking in faith and not by sight, relying on Jesus and asking yourself "what is the worst thing that could happen to me if I go to church or wherever", you may pass out so what, someone loving will help you. Baby steps and being kind to yourself, persistantly taking a leap of faith and face the fear.

    If God doesn't answer and you keep doing the same thing, you will not ever have change, and I REALLY REALLY want you to soar.

    You can overcome this getridof, You are a beautiful Human being, you are worthy, and you are loved by God. Maybe God is saying He will match you step by step, take the steps you need, you deserve it. Growth is uncomfortable but so sweet when you overcome and achieve things you thought you truly couldn't do.

    SEEK,and SEEK some more... medical help, knock on every door, pray to God for the favour of another Human Being, if you ask enough people someone will favour you and bless you with help for free, check out every avenue for meds and therapy.

    A friend used to say to me "put your pride in your pocket".

    Tell medical people, I NEED HELP< PLEASE HELP ME< DO YOU KNOW ANYBODY THAT COULD HELP ME?, I AM DESPERATE, a squeeky wheel always gets oiled first, My friend you are so worth it, one day you will be able to bless someone who needs help, someone that you can hear their pain and their plight.

    You have nothing to lose, and everything to gain.

    Father God,
    I pray with all my heart and soul for Getridof, Lord you know everything, you have a plan for us all, I pray for devine help Lord, your healing Hand to touch Getridof and lead him out of despair, Please bring peace to His mind Lord, Please lead Him to people that can help him. Lord you are the great Physician, you are our Father, Friend and provider, Your word says You are way the Truth and the life, Your word says, we can do all things through you as you strenghthen us, Lord I bring forward any spirits and strongholds that are not from you that are hijacking Getridofs life, I pray against the enemy, I pray you cover Getridof with your Blood, your Holy Blood dear Jesus, that you bind the spirits, in your name Jesus make them nil and void, taking them to the pit of hell, I pray those spirits will hurt nobody on the way. I pray for the spirit of healing to be ushered into Getridofs life, Lord Jesus I pray for the Miracle of renewal for Getridof, Please Father God Bless this man with a new story a supernatural healing Lord Jesus, in Your name, All Glory to you God, Amen.

    I will keep praying Getridof, I stand with Jinlee in prayer for you, we will hold you up in prayer.

    Sweetpotatoe.
  4. Sweetpotatoe

    Sweetpotatoe New Member

    Getridof, just trying to understand,
    Are you Asian?, Have you always lived in Hong Kong?, Do you have cultural issues?

  5. Sweetpotatoe

    Sweetpotatoe New Member

    Hi,

    I don't know if I am helping you Getridof, I don't want to do you any harm. I don't know whether I have given you appropriate advice. Let me know if I am being out of line.

    Sweetpotatoe.
  6. getridof

    getridof New Member

    Sorry for replying late, because my arm suddenly gets sored and painful badly these hours.

    First of all, I'm deeply grateful to read your messages. Thank you Jinlee and Sweetpotatoe. You didn't do me ant harm, only my inner demon and myself keeps hurting me I guess.

    Basically I fully understand all your advices and suggestions. The point is I don't know how to start it on my own. I'm asking for a miracle to make the ignition only. I'm not praying for the solution.

    I don't want to be a deserter (although I obviously act like one). I think I need someone/something to guide/push me to break the curse. This curse just blocks me to the starting point, to seek help. (See? I can't express my problem in a normal way.) Everything seems so involuntary......

    Anyway, I have to keep thinking and trying. Can't think of any ideas for the moment......

    PS. Oh yes, I'm a Chinese. I was born and raised in Hong Kong.

  7. getridof

    getridof New Member

    Hi sweetpotatoe, I can give you a general idea of the medical system in Hong Kong. Patients have 2 options: the expensive way (private hospitals), the really cheap way (public clinics and hospitals run by the heath department). I usually visit the public one when I get minor disease like cold, flu. It costs onlyabout US$6 that includes doctor consultation fee and medicines (4-5 days prescription). If I choose the private hospital, it may cost around US$25-30 with 2 days prescription.

    Let's talk about my problem, I used to try the cheap way to help my mental thing. First of all, I had to visit the out-patient department at leas 2-3 times to take those almost "useless" medicine (something that lower my heart beat, something made me feel sleepy). After the doctor found the medicines that didn't take effect, he gave me a referral letter to visit the specialist. It doesn't mean I can visit the specialist immediately. It depends on how serious I am. Normally they will put me on the waiting list to wait about ONE YEAR to see the guy to have 5-10 MINUTES talk. And it costs around $US12. Perhaps if someone wants to kill themselves, they'll have the consultation immediately. Situation like mine is pretty minor to them I guess.

    That's why I always have to choose the expensive way. Although I cannot afford the counselling, I can get the right medicine like Xanax, Zoloft and Ambien. That always costs me US$100-120 for 2 months medication. I've also checked the price for counselling, about US$70-90 for 1 lesson.

    That's the information I got.

  8. getridof

    getridof New Member

    Welcome to this board and thank you for your words and informations. Hope you may visit here more.

    Am I really so hard on myself? Hmmm... frankly I never realised about it because no one told me. (As you know I don't interact with people much). Perhaps I really need to think it deeply.

    Thank you again.


  9. Sweetpotatoe

    Sweetpotatoe New Member

    How are you going?
    Did your arm heal?

    I think of you often, I hope you are doing well.

    Love Sweetpotatoe.
  10. Nanie46

    Nanie46 Moderator

    Hi,

    I agree that you are way too hard on yourself, but I think that is a real part of what depression can do. I agree that you should explore the possibility of whether you have social anxiety disorder or maybe agoraphobia.

    Along with trying to get long term medication and counseling, please try daily positive self talk. It can't hurt.

    Every day when you wake up, say a prayer thanking God for the opportunity for a new day. Thank him for everything positive that you can think of. Do not concentrate on anything negative. Everyday, repeat..."I love you getridof!" (only use your real name)!

    Choose just one small goal that you will try to accomplish that day (or even that week). It could be something like just leaving your apartment for 5 minutes, or just leaving your apartment and making eye contact and smiling at just one person., or just going into your church when it is empty.

    It doesn't have to be a huge goal like getting a full time job...take small steps and reward yourself for every success.

    Can you talk to a pastor/priest?? Usually that counseling is free (at least in the USA) and they are usually trained in helping people with depression/anxiety.

    I know you said you cannot get the words out to your Dr.. try writing down a simple straightforward message...like "I am depressed, and anxious around people, please help me!" and handing it to your Dr and pastor/priest. It will open up the door for conversation.

    I am a nurse and I can assure you that you will not be telling your Dr or pastor/priest anything that he has not heard a thousand times from other people just like you.

    Keep repeating that you love yourself. Think only of your positive traits and things.

    God did not make junk....ever!!!! Remember that God loves us so much that He will even forgive those humans who have sinned greatly and will give us everlasting life in Heaven.

    I do not mean at all that you have sinned...just trying to say that there is no love greater than God's.

    Pray alot...and please do lots of positive self talk.

    We may be a world apart, but we are all human beings. God wants you to have a better life. He wants you to take every small step that you can to help yourself. I know it's hard right now.

    You sound very insightful, and that is a wonderful trait...not everyone is....so I know that you are capable of setting small goals and reaching them. Who knows...maybe your purpose in life is to help others who have similar problems....wouldn't that be ironic??

  11. getridof

    getridof New Member

    Hi Sweetpotatoe,
    Thanks for writing me. My arm doesn't really hurt these days, it just causes a lot of inconveniences. By the end of this month, the doctor will remove the plaster and I'll have another x-ray test to see how the recovery goes. I really hope I don't need to have that Herbert screw surgery.

    What about you? Stomach problem ok?

    Hi Nanie46,
    It's always so good to read message from new friend. Thank you for all your encouragements and ideas. By the way, are they your grandsons in your profile picture? They are lovely!!!!
  12. Nanie46

    Nanie46 Moderator

    Hi,

    Yes, that is my grandsons' picture in my profile....thanks. I just adore them!
  13. Jana1

    Jana1 New Member

    I wish I had good advice for you, but I don't. There is one thing I can do, and that is pray for you and your life.

    I have been to Hong Kong once. It was in movement all night! businesses open around the clock. I went to Victoria mountain on the ferry and then the tram that pulls you up the side. I saw a beautiful moon hanging low over the water and the city. It was all lit up and I will never forget the beauty of that moment.

    I have 2 granddaughters from China. They are the delight of all our lives. They came from a south western province.

    The miracle I have from God is that He loves me and had Jesus come to earth as a man to make a way for us to go to God at the end of our lives. I call that a real miracle!

    I will pray each time I read my Bible and you will be right there in the prayer. Keep telling us how you are doing, ok? We all are interested in you and your welfare.

    Jana1
  14. skikat

    skikat New Member


    i just had to comment on the posts. they are all great! i know tht it is hard though to try the things that people give you the tools to make a start with. does anyone know if we can give out our email address on the worship board? please let me know.

    getridof, i am a minister, ordained, also a bible college professor, many other thigs as well but i want to tell you this i am not bragging,(there is a reason for this. i also counsel online. i use instant messenger to do this. MSN. HAVE DONE IT FOR YEARS AFTER I GOT SICER TOO. BUT MY SPIRIT IS NOT SICK. I KNOW SOME THINGS ABOUT YOUR COUNTRY AND A LITTLE ABOUT YOUR CULTURE. I PICKED UP ON SOME THINGS THAT YOU SAID THAT MAYBE I CAN HELP YOU WITH. AT THE VERY LEAST, I CAN TRY.

    IF THAT IS WHAT YOU WOULD BE INTRESTED IN, PLEASE LET ME KNOW. ALSO, PLEASE , SOMEONE LET ME KNOW IF I CAN GIVE OUT MY EMAIL ADDRESS. BE BLESSED. god NEVER SLEEPS NOR DOES he SLUMBER. OFTEN WHEN YOU FEEL he IS THE FARTHEREST AWAY FROM YOU , IS WHEN he IS THE CLOSEST.

    I KNOW SOMETIMES WHAT HAPPENS IN YOUR COUNTRY, AND DONT GET ME WRONG, I AM NOT BASHING IT. JUST TELLING YOU THAT I UNDERSTAND. IF I CAN HELP YOU, I WOULD CONSIDER IT AN HONOR. BLESSINGS AND I WILL DEFINATELY BE PRAYING FOR YOU.

    IN christs LOVE, -SKI--
  15. skikat

    skikat New Member

    i just had to comment on the posts. they are all great! i know tht it is hard though to try the things that people give you the tools to make a start with. does anyone know if we can give out our email address on the worship board? please let me know.

    getridof, i am a minister, ordained, also a bible college professor, many other thigs as well but i want to tell you this i am not bragging,(there is a reason for this. i also counsel online. i use instant messenger to do this. MSN. HAVE DONE IT FOR YEARS AFTER I GOT SICKER TOO. BUT MY SPIRIT IS NOT SICK. I KNOW SOME THINGS ABOUT YOUR COUNTRY AND A LITTLE ABOUT YOUR CULTURE. I PICKED UP ON SOME THINGS THAT YOU SAID THAT MAYBE I CAN HELP YOU WITH. AT THE VERY LEAST, I CAN TRY.

    IF THAT IS WHAT YOU WOULD BE INTRESTED IN, PLEASE LET ME KNOW. ALSO, PLEASE , SOMEONE LET ME KNOW IF I CAN GIVE OUT MY EMAIL ADDRESS. BE BLESSED. god NEVER SLEEPS NOR DOES he SLUMBER. OFTEN WHEN YOU FEEL he IS THE FARTHEREST AWAY FROM YOU , IS WHEN he IS THE CLOSEST.

    I KNOW SOMETIMES WHAT HAPPENS IN YOUR COUNTRY, AND DONT GET ME WRONG, I AM NOT BASHING IT. JUST TELLING YOU THAT I UNDERSTAND. IF I CAN HELP YOU, I WOULD CONSIDER IT AN HONOR. BLESSINGS AND I WILL DEFINATELY BE PRAYING FOR YOU.

    IN christs LOVE, -SKI--
    PLEASE EXCUSE THE CAPS. I DIDNT REALIZE THAT THEY WERE STILL ON.[This Message was Edited on 03/28/2008]