Need a shoulder to cry on

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by kaiasmom, Dec 19, 2006.

  1. kaiasmom

    kaiasmom New Member

    Hello everyone,

    I know we are all probably feeling a little bit if not a lot of what I'm going through - tis the season for exhaustion. I have a very demanding full time job, that takes me an hour to drive each way, two children ages 8 & 9 & full blown fibro. I take anti-depressants, strong pain meds, muscle relaxers, etc. but it all just barely keeps me running.

    Well, we didn't get our Christmas shopping money until this last Friday (lucky we got as much as we did), so I spent about 12 hours on Saturday shopping & putting together gift baskets (after working a full week, of course). I then spent two entire days in bed & only came to work this afternoon because there are some pressing things that HAVE to get done TODAY.

    I am totally overwhealmed by the tasks I have to get done before I can leave work, I hurt like you know what, and I'm totally exhausted. It's all I can to to keep from crying as I sit here & try to work. I know my job is too demanding & high stress, but I can't afford to take one that is less so at the moment. We are short staffed, so I can only stay home so much - no one else here to cover for me.

    Well, thanks for listening. Any words of encouragement would be appreciated. Anyone else out there that knows of a better way to manage what little spare time is left after working a full week?

    Thanks & Happy Holidays,
    Leanne
  2. BobinGermany

    BobinGermany New Member

    Hi Leanne,

    I will be praying that God will give you strength to hang in there during this difficult time! You will make it. Sometimes it just doesn't seem like it :) I wish you and all of you family a wonderful Christmas!

    God Bless,
    Bob
  3. kaiasmom

    kaiasmom New Member

    I need all the strengh I can get! I'm not even sure how I'll make it home tonight - at least my drive is sitting in traffic, so it's not moving too fast so I won't be too dangerous!!

    Happy Holidays,
    Leanne
  4. taniar

    taniar New Member

    Hi Leanne, I really have been in your situation, and the harder it gets the sicker you get. then, the harder it gets.

    I know its going to sound too simple, too impossible, but when I've really had my back to the wall like you, I've had to say that I am not in control, and will please someone else (like God, or a higher self) step in and help.

    It has worked, try it and that means letting it just fall into place, believe it or not; it does.

    The best to you, Tania

    Best Tania
  5. Jana1

    Jana1 New Member

    I havent seen you post for a while, now I know why!

    Christmas is for enjoyment...but our expectations make it so hard...Those litle ones need you more than your boss does..too bad you dont get paid for motherhood! lol

    take a deep breath, and keep us posted, I bet you get it all done and will be fine..Hugs, Jana
  6. Kimba4318

    Kimba4318 New Member

    Hi Leanne... mY goodness I am hurting and exhausted from just thinking about what you do. I cannot keep up and I am lucky enough to work from home. I wish I had some advice for you. You really need some help.

    My body would NOT let me do what you are doing so I feel very deeply for you. Hang in there and lets remember what the holiday is all about. I get so wrapped up in doing for everybody and shopping and spending too much money and it seems like misery. It should not feel this way, espescially for those of us that have so little energy to keep up on a daily basis. I wish it really be different.

    Anyway - sending, sympathy, support and a shoulder to cry on your way. Take a Break somehow!

    Hugs
    Kim
  7. cjcookie

    cjcookie New Member

    on the internet takes a big load off. However, that money thing is a problem. I just try to pick up a couple things here and there during the year.

    Sorry I don't have any other great ideas. It does sound like you are doing a great job so far.
  8. kaiasmom

    kaiasmom New Member

    I sure need it. I know I must sound crazy with the life I try to lead with this DD, but unfortunately the life came first, and I haven't figured out a way to tone it down yet.

    It sure is nice to hear from someone other than myself though, how hard it is! Normal people just don't understand. My co-workers try to be compassionate, but they just can't possibly get it. Sometimes I wonder if I'm going to make it through this challenge, or that flare, but I always do, one way or another. This too, I'm sure will pass, I just wish it would hurry.

    I appreciate your kind words & encouragement - I sure needed them today.

    Leanne
  9. Callum

    Callum New Member

    You are doing so much. You should be so proud of what you are accomplishing while sick.

    I hope you get the assistance you obviously need. You can only do so much!

    And I also hope that, when you feel like you're going to cry, that you get the chance sometime during the day to do just that! When I reach the end of my emotional rope because of this DD, I put on Jane Olivor, close the door to the study, and just let all that toxic stuff out!

    I hope you and your family have the happiest of holidays, Leanne.

    Callum
  10. kirschbaum26

    kirschbaum26 New Member

    Dear Leanne:

    I completely understand your frustration and exhaustion. Not sure how you do it all, but hope that it gets much better for you after the Holidays. I have had FMS since childhood, and was dx with RA 12 years ago at age 32.

    I have a 7 year old daughter. I am not with her father, because he is too much of a child...and needs to have all the attention. I did not think I could have children. I actually got pregnant while on birth control, and continued to have my normally abnormal periods until I gave birth. No one believed that I was pregnant...as I really did not show until the last month. I also was taking a bunch of meds, as I thought I could not get pregnant and was on birth control. My miracle child was born healthy, with apgar scores of 9 and 9. She was also 21 inches long and 8 pounds 13 ounces. Fortunately, none of the meds I was on affected her.

    I continued to work more than full time until March of 2006. My RA had reared its ugly head in November of 2005. I started ENBREL in Dec 2005 and had a very good improvement. Unfortunately, it stopped working just as quickly in March. I have not been able to work since then. I tried Humira, but got too many respiratory infections, including 2 cases of pneumonia.

    In the mean time I was also dx with pre-cancer in my endometrium. Due to the biologics, and my age, my doctor and the gyn oncologist urged me to have a total hysterectomy, which I had on 11/17. I felt much better after the surgery, but found out that RA has affected my lungs, liver and heart. Now I am not sure that I will ever be able to go back to work, and while that is okay with me, it will be a financial issue. My company offered 70% disability insurance, which I snapped up...so I will get that much of my salary. I am also planning to move from LA to Illinois, about 2 hours north west of Chicago. I have relatives there who can help me with my daughter as well as provide me with a job if I need it, and am able to perform.

    What I am trying to tell you is that stress truly plays a large part in how we feel, and constant stress is only going to make your symptoms worse, and can even increase the number of flares you have. I know that you are much younger than I am, and are married and have 2 kids, but you really might want to think about doing something less stressful. You mentioned getting married in NC...is that someplace that you could consider relocating to? I know that housing in SF is even higher than it is in LA...and this is one of the reasons that I am relocating. Just curious.

    Well, I really just wanted to tell you that I understand what you are going through, and hope that it gets much better for you, and soon.

    Gentle hugs.

    Ingrid