need advice about hubby

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by willruthie1965, Nov 19, 2006.

  1. Really need to vent.I have told hubby I would think about moving near his mom in the country,Well we had plans to go the drive is like 2 hours and feels grueling to me.
    We get down there and the first thing they talk about, is going another hour in the morning to go to a casino.
    I felt mislead, I thought we were going to look at houses or apartments.I hated traveling even before I got sick,but even worse now.He has fybro too but, When I stay all night the room is on a sunporch and very cold.The bed is not mine and is smaller than our bed.

    He tells me why cant i just come with him once a year to visit his mom.I love his mom She comes here all the time.She is like my best friend! I just feel sick having to be in the car and sleeping in an uncoftorable bed and room.

    I told him we see her all the time because all her kids live here and she comes to the casino here.I think if he had to work and spend his time cleaning and working he woudn't want to travel like me.I can hardly feel better for work tommorow.
    I think he should go by himself.And I can see her when she is here.I wont even stay at hotels because I feel like someone beat me up the next day. Just wondering if anyone has opinons> Ruthie
  2. Cinlou

    Cinlou New Member


    I can relate to the discomfort of travel, sleeping in a strange bed....etc....I think hubby should go by himself since he seems to not be bothered by any do not feel guilty about staying home, you can just "vegg" out and relax while he is gone.....I am sure his mom would understand...
    Take care, and (((hugs)))
  3. Thanks any more replys?
  4. petesdragon

    petesdragon New Member

    If I spend over three hours in a car traveling it takes a week to get over it.My nerves are so shattered and body so hurt that I just crawl in the backseat and try to sleep the rest of the way. I am somewhat better than I was but then hubby announces he can't count on me to do anything or go anywhere. It hurts. Meanwhile he has got to go to Milwaukee, Arizona, Milwaukee again and deep-sea fishing off Houstan, Texas. And I am glad he can go. But he says on one trip 12 years ago I missed dinner the last two nights and it ruined the trip for him.

    My son called and was angry that I didn't go to grandson's birthday party 3 hours each way. In 24 hours I was to ride 3 hours, go to a party where no one cares if I am there, spend the evening with very tired people (they just got back from a week at Disneyland) and leave early the next morning because son was going to work. Then another 3 hour trip home! I said no way. I asked hubby if he had told son I wasn't coming. He said he thought he had. Guess he didn't.

    Why didn't you bring up looking for a house when you heard their plans? I know it is easy to look at someone elses problems and see what they "should do" but did you talk about looking at houses after you got there? Did you ask to rest while they went to the casino? Men, I hear, need to be told exactly what you need to do in order to take care of yourself and not hint around about it. If hubby and grandma don't "get it" do you want to live that close and have two people on your back? My hubby and I lead seprate lives because we don't enjoy traveling together, don't like the same people, we don't like the same entertainment. We love each other but it works out better this way.
  5. Catseye

    Catseye Member

    It took me awhile to figure out that in the beginning, I couldn't take the car ride because I was sitting up. When I lay down in the back seat, I can go anywhere.

    It sounds like neither one of them is really thinking about your discomfort;
    not that they don't care, they just aren't imagining how bad it is. Since you have to work, you'll have to put your foot down and say you can go visit or you can go to work, that both is just too much for you. Offering to move closer is a big "to do" in your favor and that should make up for him wanting you to come. He just doesn't want to be alone in the car and away from you for too long, sounds like. At least your mother-in-law is likable and not a freaky-psycho-nut weirdo like mine. My husband knows she's a nut and if I don't want to go see her I don't have to. good luck with everything, karen
  6. wildworld

    wildworld New Member

    Just to reframe the issue a little, it might help to acknowledge that he really wants you with him. A lot of marriages seem to suffer from a partner being ill - it must be even moreso when you both are. But it seems that your presence makes him feel good, and he's frustrated because he wants you to be able to join him. I know that doesn't make travelling any easier on you, but perhaps it's a good thing in some ways that he wants you with him. I think a lot of spouses just shut an ill partner out of their lives. You must be quite important to him. Whether you go or not, try to remember that, from what you said, it's the disease that is the problem, not your spouse.
  7. Thanks I really enjoy hearing all the different thoughts on this. I do like the thought he likes me with him.I explained to him that he hasn't had to work for 7 years and maybe he can catch up better than I can.

    The night before we left I got the whole house in order. My job is as a server/manager I can't work more than 30 hours a week.

    His reasoning is I can quit my job because the cost of living is so much cheaper there.I do have issues with the fact that he always ask me stuff in front of his mom so he has a united front with her,I do really enjoy being with her.This does make me think It could be real bad if we live down the road.

    This also happens everytime she comes to town.I work and they are both ready to go to the casino.Sometimes i tell them to go without me.

    The question about him having fybro is a good one also.Because it seems like if you are that sick, it would be hard to make these trips.BEfore I got sick I loved to to too much,It's like a blessing in disguise because I use to go way too much, than got sick a year ago and never want to go anymore.

    I felt tricked into going,it seemed we were going just to go to the boat and we didn't one time mention going before the trip was planned. RL
  8. Catseye

    Catseye Member

    A husband trick a wife?