Need Advice Helping Teenager Understand DD

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by lsmbrenz, Apr 30, 2006.

  1. lsmbrenz

    lsmbrenz New Member


    I am having difficulty getting my 14 yr old daughter to understand that i am ill, not lazy.

    I read the post about the spoon example and thought it would be an excellent way to help her understand, but she did not want to participate.

    She is angry at me much of the time and refuses to do any little chores i ask her to do, saying "you can do it yourself." I know part of this is being a teenager, but I need her support and understanding.

    Does anyone have any ideas?


    [This Message was Edited on 04/30/2006]
  2. mom4three

    mom4three New Member

    My 10 year old has had to help out a lot.

    She gets angry some times but then I have to be really to the point.

    I say you know what, I have taken care of you and your sisters and right now I am not well so I need your help.
    That is what family does they help out. You live here and we all have to help keep it clean. This is your house to and there is no reason why you can't help out.

    And if she does not then she does not get access to her room.. Because if she decides not to help out the family and act like she is not part of the family then she gets treated as such. Meaning no room privileges.

    Changes her mind quickly.

  3. Bambi

    Bambi New Member

    were mean or rude. I agree with you about raising children. Sometimes when they are small and come up with a come back it's almost funny and sometimes we tend to let it slip by and it grows.

    There should be no doubt about your requests being followed and in a cheerful manner..even if it means that old "fake it until you can make it". I would probably change my asking to a more impossible to misunderstand demand. You hate to have to get tough with kids but they sometimes need it. It makes them a stronger, more responsible and more compassionate person.

    I would also sit her down with a ton
    of information about your DD and a written test to follow. To make SURE she understands exactly what you are dealing with and that it is TRULY physical and not a mental or lazy cause of your inability to do some things.

    I would also demand an apology when such unloving words or behavior come out of her mouth. If you were 100% free of illness, it would STILL be her DUTY to obey your requests and if you believe in the bible you can find the scripture to support that. But if you didn't believe in anything, you have a RIGHT to expect respect, compassion and obedience from your child! Once they realize you will accept nothing less of them, they generally comply. It HAS to be a thing that you imbed into your family way of doing things, not ok one time and ok the next though.

    I've heard of people putting marbles in shoes and thick glasses and all sorts of things on people to demonstrate just the normal aging of
    someone very senior to someone. It might be that thinking up a similar
    way of demonstrating how YOU feel would drive the idea home.

    No matter WHAT though, the back talk,
    rudeness and disrespect would STOP in my house or ELSE. And the or else could be any number of things from favorite possessions being sent to the landfill to LOTS of hours alone in a stripped bedroom.

    Did you know that in the bible in the old testament kids who disobeyed were
    first spoken to by the parents, then the elders and if they still didn't obey they were stoned to death. It was taken as a very serious offense. Of course we wouldn't stone our kids but we owe it to them to learn to behave with us and others in a compassionate, considerate manner. It is my opinion and maybe not some others but I took that sort of thing
    to heart and very seriously.
  4. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    it is extra tough...i am a single father figure w/i 80 miles..

    all other family is over 2500 miles away...i mean all...

    so her the post about the michigan awareness day i posted may help...her understand...

    my son has tested positive in all of the upper back areas for fibro...the dr...checke him out he has been complaining of so neck/backpains...things i feel..

    anwyas...he has told me you are home all day you could do something...i say you have no idea what i do...

    plus if you get fibro i would be there to help you out in anyway...i pray you don't get it...but i will understand you...

    he has said some nasty things in inapproatiate times...meaning i do not want to work and he would not use it as an excuse...not to work...that would stop him ...he said that in front of my ex-il's i told him last summer...we have discussed before and i have not chosen this it has chosen me....i am doing the best thati can..

  5. lb124

    lb124 New Member

    It was my mom who posted the entry at the above here and i would just like to state that she does do all she can to raise me as well as possible. We are all having a very difficult time ajusting to many personal and emotional events that have arisen in the last year. My mother and I have talked about the situation that happened today and what I said was not ment at all. Though I may argue about getting things done, I do them. My mother has done a wonderful job raising me and was simply asking for support, not a critique on her parenting from others. I am sorry if this is poorly written but I am slightlty shaken up by some of the comments on the page and my mothers own words. I agree very much with one of the posts on here that talks about how one womans son feels about her illness. I feel I have lost a lot of my mother. Sometimes I tend to take the sadness out as anger
  6. NyroFan

    NyroFan New Member

    Teenagers can be so rebellious during these ages. They sometimes think they know it all.

    I would explain the situation to her in a sit-down discussion, tell her how serious the disease is, give her a book about it and tell her she will have to help out. As an incentive you could give her an allowance.

    If she is stubborn about the whole thing or does not respect you: ground her.

    She will see how serious you can be.

    Laurie, it is just something I would do. Kids all react differently and I do not know yours, so be careful. You do not want any backlash.

  7. mom4three

    mom4three New Member

    I understand that it is hard for you and you feel like you have lost your mother.
    But how do you think she feels?
    I for one am angry and hurt that I am not the mother or wife I once was. I feel alone and hurt. But I manage.
    Do you think your angry comments help your mom in her health? It is actually more difficult for her.

    I feel for you. I know this must be so hard on you. You are at an age where you are starting to become a young woman but still a child.
    Try to remember this is hard for both of you and keep open communication. Talk with her about your feelings. Don't keep them inside and then take it out on her later.
    She did not ask for this at all.

  8. lenasvn

    lenasvn New Member

    My mom developed (or had) FM when I was in my early teens.

    What I missed the most was being close to my mom, and that closeness was not as close as I needed wether she was sick or not.

    (She is my best friend today, but it took a while to get there).

    I think that was harder than her illness getting the best of her.

    I eventually found ways to get close to her (she did too), we spent time at the house, talking, gossipping (spelling?) about neighbors, and I slowly got to know a person who I found amazing, she started to tell me about her life and who she was.

    I adapted my relation to her with what she was able to do. It was easier to get (boring) things done once I felt this closeness to her.

    Now, this post was all about me, and it might not be of any help, but I still wanted to share it with you.

    Good for you that you stand up and defend your mom on this board, it tells me that you love her!! You go girl!


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