Need advice on long term care for alcoholic

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by frosty77, May 21, 2008.

  1. frosty77

    frosty77 New Member

    My mother is 70 and an alcoholic. She refuses to quit drinking (she just spent 60 days in rehab, not the first time, and got drunk within 12 hours of getting out). Soon she will be kicked out of her condo (she tends to roam naked while drunk and is verbally abusive).

    So long term rehab is not the answer. I'm guessing a nursing home will not take an active mobile alcoholic. She can't live with either my brother or I (she's destructive and is also on oxygen and smokes). Any ideas?????
  2. morningsonshine

    morningsonshine New Member

    Just thought i would share about my last living Grandfather. Your situation maybe different tho.

    He has been a life long drinker, and always needed his scotch.
    But as he has become more and more dependant on my mom, and now she has to drive him everywhere, she just flat out refuses to take him to the liqour store. And no one else will by for him, or deliver it.
    So he's been sober for several years now, not by choice. LOL
    Not sure if that will work for your situation.

    Hope you find a good solution.

    Take Care,
  3. sisland

    sisland New Member

    Maybe you can call some long term care places in your area and ask them what their rules are for this,,,,i know that some have special wings and rooms for people that have special needs like your Mom,,,,,Goodluck!,,,,,,Sis
  4. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    thing that "cured" my father was arthritis. He couldn't get out to buy liquor.

    After drinking heavily for more than half a century he developed Korsakoff's syndrome. His mind gave out. Couldn't recognize family members. As you might expect, no one wanted to visit him anyway.

    I don't know what you can do for your mother. You are a nicer person than I. I gave up on my drunken, abusive father decades before the end.

  5. Greenbean7

    Greenbean7 New Member

    This would be an interesting one for the tv show "Intervention". I've never seen them do one on an elderly person.

    Maybe you should contact them.

  6. Cromwell

    Cromwell New Member

    did a show once on a woman who was about 65 and alcoholic falling down drunk type who sounded a lot like your mom. Maybe you can go on the site and see what he said.

    How sad for you.

    Love Annie
  7. Bluebottle

    Bluebottle New Member

    Just wanted to send you a hug as you sound such a nice person to be concerned about her.

    My mother was a violent alcoholic who made my childhood hell. These people have chosen alcohol over their loved ones.

    I don't know what's available in your country - will a psychiatric hospital take her?
  8. fibromickster

    fibromickster New Member

    I agree with Morningshine. How does she get out to the store to buy her alcolhol. I am not sure of the situation either but whoever takes should just stop taking her and maybe just do the grocery shopping for her instead.

    Good luck, I will be praying for you.
  9. frosty77

    frosty77 New Member

    Thanks for all the info! Unfortunately, she drives herself to the store. We're in the process of trying to take her license and car, but she'll just buy another car. Plus she can walk to the liquor stores - my brother took a copy of her license to the stores and told them not to sell to her, but they still do.

    Other than driving drunk, she smokes while on oxygen, passes out with lit cigarettes, destroys the condo, loses bowel control, and passes out with appliances (like the toaster oven) on.

    She's also highly intelligent and well spoken - so when sober, she snows everyone.
  10. therealmadscientist

    therealmadscientist New Member

    Perhaps another, less destructive drug?

    Sure things, like opium smoking, are not acceptable in our civilized society, so maybe an antidepressant med might helpful.

    Sigh, Your mr bill
  11. morningsonshine

    morningsonshine New Member

    That is just soo tough!! She has it really bad, not fun to see at all, specially a loved one.

    Keep brain storming, there's got to be some option. Have you taken her to a Dr. about it??

  12. PVLady

    PVLady New Member

    If your mom does not have any "assets" call Adult Protective Services. Tell them she is unable to care for herself and disabled from her illness. They do consider alcoholism a disease.

    They will find a nursing home to take her in. You can keep her in the nursing home until she can get straightened out. You may need to get a court order to be her legal guardian.

    A few years ago I had a older friend who needed help. I did exactly as I am telling you, called Adult Protective Services. Within a week they had a Medical bed for her near my home.

    You can actually email Adult Protective Services which is a department in the "county" where you live.

    If your mom does have money, you can look for a "assisted living" facility that specializes in drug and alcohol patients. Probalby a normal assisted living place would take her but these places are expensive and not ocvered by insurance or the State. The State only covers nursing homes.

    My mom was in Assisted Living for 3 years and it cost over $4,500 a month which she paid from the proceeds of selling her house. When she finally got to the point she could not walk, then she had to go to a nursing home and we were able to put her on state aid. Also, she had to be out of her own money before the state would put her on "aid".

    Be careful if you put your mom on any facility that you do not sign the entrance papers or they can come back and hold you responsible for expenses.

    Even if she is approved for state aid, don't sign the papers yourself, have your mom sign them. There are actually law firms that handle getting people on state aid. We used one with my mom.

    My mom passed away on April 4th this year and the state is trying to collect over $5,000 from me for expenses not covered on her insurance. I did sign the papers so I may have to pay.
    [This Message was Edited on 05/24/2008]
  13. springwater

    springwater Active Member

    I dont have any advice for you....wasnt good at managing alcoholism of my father, mom, brothers or dad in law. But i have very painful memories of trying to deal with them. So I just would like to offer my sympathy and tell you I know what hell it is living with someone who is under control of a substance and no control over themselves.

    We tried to 'control' my father in laws drinking by locking the house gates and hiding the key...of course we had to hide ourselves from him too...once we did that. But its not possible to control someone whos mobile and able to go out and get in the end, he got a heart attack and died of it.

    My elder brothers drinking is under control most probably because of his wife who he is a little scared of...

    My dads drinking reduced greatly when our living conditions improved and he didnt have to work...his drinking prob stemmed from the fact that he was ill equipped to be a grown up man and a father of four...when we grew up and started earning, he didnt have to and his drinking stopped somewhat...

    lately, Ive discovered my younger brother has taken to drinking in a rather big way, and he is taking care of his teenage kids while his wife is abroad working...he's badly in debt and maybe that is what started it. I dont know how to control it, my elder brother and i visited and scolded him...but frankly Im too sick and tired to bother much now...

    I hope you wil find the answers as to how to help your mother....inspite of her age she seems rather robust and fiesty...and I know that makes her and alcoholism combined rather a handful.

    God Bless

    [This Message was Edited on 05/25/2008]
  14. frosty77

    frosty77 New Member

    Thank you all very much for the information - I appreciate it!!!
  15. SweetT

    SweetT New Member

    Frosty77, I know your pain all too well. I've been there, done that (arrests, evictions, etc. of my mom).

    Unfortunately, if she has burned her bridges with her kids and doesn't want rehab, her choices are the streets or one of those shelters that takes anyone (but she cannot go if she's intoxicated).

    Hopefully, like they do on Intervention (yes, having an elderly person would be an interesting show), your mom will come in contact with a rebab program that makes staying clean desirable.

    Most of all, I feel sad for whatever pain from the past that the alcohol is masking. But don't jeopardize you or your family's (meaning your spouse and kids) well-being for anyone who is addicted, destructive, and doesn't want to get help for themselves.