Need advice on pregnancy and fibromyalgia~

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by kriket, Sep 10, 2010.

  1. kriket

    kriket New Member

    Hey all~

    I am 33, and am in my prime... I really would love to have a child or 2 (maybe) but I am so afraid that I am gna fail as a mother, b/c there are many times I must lay down and just can't give them attention that they really need. I hear that during pregnancy, fibro. stmptoms get better, but after the baby is born the pain and fatigue return with a vengance....

    I am also worried about post pardom depression, as I have clinical depression as is...

    Please share any advice tht may help or any experiences you might could share....

    Thanks to anyone that knows where I am coming from and can share some advice !!

    Love, Kriket
  2. ilovepink4

    ilovepink4 Member

    I love, love, love my children. I had 3 of them while I wasn't sick and the 4th came along as I was starting to show symptoms. By the time he was four, I was in bed half of everyday. By the time he was in school full time, i was in bed all day, everyday.

    The 3rd and 4th were adopted so I can't help you there.

    If I knew what I know now, I would not have had childen. And my dream was to have a big family and be a stay at home mom....and i did that and I loved it so much! Until I had to do it while sick. And now I can't do it....and the kids suffer. Don' t let anyone tell you different. Just ask my 20 yr old daughter. She and I are very, very close but it makes me sad to see her sad for me. She grieves for me, too. She misses out STILL because I can't come and see her new apartment. She had to plan her entire graduation party by herself and put it all together. Yes, it made her more responsible. But it sucked. She had me before I was sick and she has me after. It makes a difference.

    I can't imagine having a baby and going through night feedings, teething, walking the floor carrying a 20 lb baby all night long, because they are sick with an ear infection.....bending over the tub to bath a squirming 2 yr old.....chasing that two year old in a parking lot because they got away from me....all the extra laundry....all the meals that have to be prepared because you have to make sure your kids are eating healthy....and having to shop for that food....and all the things they, dentist, eye doc, orthodontist appointments....

    If you have a super supportive husband that is willing to do EVERYTHING and not get sick of it and divorce you.....and then you have those children by yourself half of the time....with no help.....

    I hate to ruin your dreams....but, I want to warn you how hard it is. I also know that you have "baby fever" and when I had it, I could not be talked out of another baby!!! lol!! It is biological....i thought it would never go away. Other women said it never does but you have to accept that you can't have more children. For me, it did go away because surviving raising our fourth baby just about did me in. Remember, though, it wasn't only because I was sick....I also had a disabled child, another daughter, a toddler and this colicky baby....and i was getting weaker and weaker...and my pain was getting worse and worse...i had a hysterctomy when the 4th child was 12 months old.....i had a car accident when the 3rd was a baby.....i had mono when the 3rd child was 12 months old.....then our 4th child was a surprise adoption....our birthmom had a second baby and we didn't know she was pregnant....until he was born and the agency called to see if we could take him to keep the brothers we had a 4 day "pregnancy" and then picked him up.....and then, the last straw was my close friends' 3 yr old son was was very traumatic....and then I started getting really sick.....

    so, different circumstances but, I hate the mother that I am....I hate the wife that I am.....I am so frustrated doing a half ass job of it....

    if you had tons and tons of help, maybe one....but, kriket, I wouldn't do it if I were you....I am so sorry....
  3. AuntTammie

    AuntTammie New Member

    I can so relate to wanting children.....that has been my number one desire all my life; however, there is no way that I could possibly have them as sick as I am.....even if there were a miracle & I were able to get pregnant (which as messed up as my hormone levels are now is extremely unlikely), I could not possibly begin to take care of them.....currently I can barely take care of myself, though, bc I am very sick......still I would have felt that it was unfair to any child to have had one a few yrs back when I was not nearly this sick

    also, it is POSSIBLE that your symptoms could improve while pregnant, but there are no guarantees and I have read (though there are not many studies about this, so I don't know how reliable this is) that about one third feel better while pregnant, one third stay the same, and one third get worse......and every one that I have read about did get worse after giving birth, regardless of how she felt during the pregnancy (rt when she needed to feel better to take care of the newborn)

    adding the increased risk of post natal depression that comes with having already experienced depression and personally, if I were you, there is no way that I would have a child unless there is a big improvement in health

    sorry I know that is not what you want to hear, & like I said, I do really understand, but that's my honest assessment
  4. maiakapahi

    maiakapahi New Member

    I just wanted to share my experience. I have chronic pain all over my body but no fatigue. I was also 32 and wanted to have kids but was terrified that I wouldn't be able to care for my baby. I decided to do it anyway. Yes, the pregnancy, birth and caring for a young baby were very hard. I had to work less and after the baby was born was on painkillers all day just to function as my body recovered. I am however so happy I had my baby who is now 14 months. Having him has given me a greater will to feel better and personally has made me more positive in general because children are amazing and make you smile all day.

    If you are going to do it you must have a supportive partner, family or nanny who can take over when you can't take it anymore and need a break. You only know if you have it in you to handle all the extra effort and sleepless nights. If you think you might have it in you then do it because having a child is really a life altering and joyful experience thaT if possible you should have.
  5. u&iraok

    u&iraok New Member

    and she felt great during pregnancy with no symptoms but they did return with a vengeance after she had her baby. She was 38 when she had her and had had FM for about 5 years but not really bad, the flares were not constant, though she does have a high pain tolerance so it's hard to say. She's doing fine with her daughter who is now 2, an extremely cute blue-eyed curly-haired redhead with the sterotypical redhead personality. :)

    My other sister and I both have CFS and both her 1st pregnancy and mine contributed towards our getting CFS but we don't have fibromyalgia so it may be completely different with CFS compared to fibromyalgia
    [This Message was Edited on 09/24/2010]