Need advice or I just need to complain...

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by colorfulcolorado, Sep 23, 2008.

  1. colorfulcolorado

    colorfulcolorado New Member

    I'm not sure I if I should post this on the FM board or the chit chat, but it does have something to do with FM at the end.
    So here goes...All weekend I've been hurting under my right rib and it was really worrying me its been on and off for 2 months,my husband said all weekend if you need to
    go I'll take you.
    So, Monday comes, I'm still hurting. I make an appointment with a doctor who could see me right away. She thinks I have gallstones and wants me to go the hospital, so I do, my husband drives me.
    We get there and have to wait 2 hours just to get a ER room. That starts pissing my husband off. I get in and the nurse came in and gives me pain meds etc and does blood work. Then they send me down for and ultrasound. That comes back fine. My husband in the mean time is doing everything he can to make me more upset.
    I ask the nurse for another shot, she says do you want it before or after the CT scan. I said after.
    They send me down right away. I get back to my room, husband has changed the channel to something he wants to watch instead of the Monday night football game. I change it and he pouts! Then the billing lady came in and asked if we could pay the copay, I looked at my husband and he pays it. Then he proceeds to tell me that his social security is his social security and its not for me. Mind you I've been paying all the bills up until this month and never said anything to him about making me broke! I thought after 20 years "whats yours is mine and whats mine is yours".
    Then he goes even further and says he has taken care of me all these years and now its my turn, HELLO I have FM among other things and have a hard time sometimes even getting out of bed!
    Then he starts bitching me out (sorry don't know any other word for it) right there in the hospital, not yelling but the words he said were very hurtful and the lady came in a gave another shot! Finally.
    The Ct scan showed nothing and the doctor came in a told me "since you have fibromyalgia its probably that" hello I can tell the difference, just like I can tell the difference between a toothache, by bursitis and arthritis etc. This is not FM. Everytime I eat something greasy or alittle too spicy I have this pain! So, she sent me home.
    On the way home my husband says "see this is when you need to take off work, when you are really hurting not because the little pain you have with FM!"
    I just couldn't believe what come out of his mouth! I of course just fell apart. After having the doctor blame everything on FM and all the crap he gave me in the hospital and then to say that.
    I don't know what to do now... I am diffently re thinkng my marriage but I have know where to go. Plus I own everything in this apt (which is alot) except for a few things. I'm at my wits end and very upset and when I get stressed my FM flares its ugly head.
    Any suggestions or helpful comments would be greatly appreciated. Sorry this is so long! I really needed to vent with people I don't even know but who have the same illness.
  2. pam112361

    pam112361 New Member

    My husband must be leading a second life that I'm unaware of.

    Sorry, I realize your problem isn't a laughing matter, but unfortunately, my life mirrors yours. I wish there was some type of advice I could give. If I ever figure out for myself, I'll let you know.

    In the meantime,

    Gentle Hugs,
  3. vannafeelbettr

    vannafeelbettr New Member

    And I'm hoping yours has more ups than downs. Every time my husband and I bicker hatredly at one another, my husband reminds me that time will pass and things will be on an "up" again. I hope that happens for you soon. Unfortunately, being chronically ill puts SO much additional stress on a relationship.... for both people involved.

    Good luck!!!
  4. zombieTony

    zombieTony New Member

    I have fm too, but when I get stressed or eat some greasy stuff I get a lot of pain were my Ghalbladder used to be, I have found that it is the mussel that controls the bile in the bile duct from my liver that is the culprit, when I get stressed it locks up, and the bile backs up in my liver, after having no luck at the doctors office, I accidentily found that if I just sat down and pictured this area in my head and concentrated on relaxing, that it would go away, this may or may not help you but it is worth a try, as for your husband, sorry he is just a sefish ass, my wife was the same way, when my fibro got so bad I wasnt able to hardly work she up and left me, so now I am taking care of my 2 kids and working, and alone, some people are just real selfish,
  5. bre_ann

    bre_ann New Member

    putting my two cents in but I think you need to have a heart to heart with him. I think they don't even know they're being asses until you tell them. See if that was his intention. Lay it on the line with him so you'll know what he truly means. He could be stressed about it and not handling it the right way. My hubby can be very insensitive as well but I don't beat around the bush with him. I come right out and ask him how he feels, if he intended to be that way or not, or I just tell him he's being an ass. Yep, I guess I can be bitchy as well but if I sit around stewing about it, I am usually wrong in my assumptions. It doesn't mean he isn't insensitive because most of the time he's just not intentional.
    Good luck with him and I hope you get some answers from him and from some dr.s soon!
  6. justjanelle

    justjanelle New Member

    There's a gallbladder function test that you should have done. It is possible for the gallbladder to malfunction (or even stop functioning!) without the presence of gallstones. Obviously the scan showed no stones, but it doesn't necessarily mean the gallbladder is working as it should. Push for getting this test.

    Your symptoms do sound like gallbladder trouble to me.

    I had it myself and ignored it as long as possible after the jerk doctor I saw about having the gas and stomach pain after eating dairy or greasy foods told me that the only problem was that I was fat and to stop eating so much and so fast. (I knew that wasn't the problem, but hadn't yet evolved into an assertive patient at that time.)

    Result? I ended up in the emergency room 2 years later with gallstones completely blocking the digestive system. Was also dehydrated, in pain, and suffering pancreatitis. Had to have emergency surgery.

    Don't let that happen to you.

    I'm so sorry that your husband has treated you this way. I do hope when he's calmer the two of you can discuss some of it rationally, possibly with the help of a counselor if he's willing to go.

    If worst comes to worst, and you separated, since you own everything in the apartment then maybe you should be the one to stay there and he should be the one to leave!

    I hope it doesn't come to that.

    Best wishes,
  7. celeste1226

    celeste1226 New Member

    I am sorry you are suffering with the pain under your ribs and the pain in your home.

    As for the pain under your ribs it does sound like your gallbladder. Unless a stone is seen on the ultrasound the doctors wont look any further. You need to pursue it or go to another doctor.

    As for the pain in your home. You need to talk to him. And let him know how he is making you feel. let him know that you dont need the extra stress. Find out what is really bothering him. Also let him know that the money comment bothered you. How unfair he is treating you. If he dosent want to change or help you thru this hard time then its time to cut your losses. Just like your gallbladder if its not working for you then you need to have it removed. And since most everything is yours put him out on his own see how long he will survive with you. Just my 2 cents.

    Hope it all works out for you. And I am so glad my husband understands and really really trys to make me comfortable and is very supportive. he dosent complain and is so very good to me. Sometimes its sickening on how good he is to me.. LOL.. but i would not trade him in for the world.

    Good luck
  8. rosemarie

    rosemarie Member

    Your pain sounds like it could be your gallbladder. I was getting pains like yours when I ate greasy foods as well, one afternoon I ate low fat cottage cheese adn peaches and I ended up in the ER in with the worst pain I have had in a long time. I got the nasty stuff the staff gives you in the ER here it is a combo of malox and lidocaine.

    YEs it is nasty but it numbs your throat and stomache, if that is where the pain had been it would have helped me but it only made me nausous{SP} I ended up having x-rays, ultrasound done that night and was told that I had a bad gall bladder.

    I waited 14 days before I had it out as my daughter was getting married in 7 days. That was the hardest wedding reception I have been too, I could not eat any thing but the rolls as they had BBQ beef , BBQ pork and the thought of BBQ any thing didn't sound good to me. So I had water to drink and plain rolls to eat.

    My surgery went fine , I did tell the doctor that I was on strong pain meds and had him tell the staff that I was in control of my pain meds. Meaning that they could give it to me sooner than every 6 hours. I spent 5 days in the hospital. My gall bladder was not full of stones but well I won't go into that discription as it is gross.
    Are you sure that you didn't get my husband mixed up with yours? Mine acts just like that only he is serious when he tells me to pay it my self. Ever since I got my disabilty I have been paying my own doctors co-pays , ER visits, scripts, and possiably any surgery I may have. I will be on a medicare plan next month.

    It still upsets me as we have been married for 28 yrs now and he has always had issues about paying medical bills for me and the girls. But it has not done me any good to tell him how much it hurts that he will not help me out with the expences. He pays for every for every thing else.
    Try to talk to your hubby and let him know how you feel about what happened.
  9. colorfulcolorado

    colorfulcolorado New Member

    for listening and giving me something to think about, as far as my husband is concerned. He did today say he was sorry for acting like an ass and saying a few things that he shouldn't have. But I still wonder what he's sorry for and does he really and truly think like that about me. You know what I mean?
    I've been just trying to stay clear of him and not say much. We've been married for 20 years this coming Oct. and I see alot of things that weren't right on both sides and I wonder if this will last.
    He has his own health problems and his are always first priority. Because he says he rarely gets sick. And when he does its always something major(which is true) but doesn't my illnesses and what I'm going through count for anything?
    I sure have alot to think about.
    I just don't know if I can get over this one. I guess you would have had to been there, he was just awful.
    Thanks again! And I am going to ask for the gallbladder function test.

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