Need advice quick please!!!!!!!!!!!!

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Lifesux, Sep 4, 2002.

  1. Lifesux

    Lifesux New Member

    I need someone who has dealt with this before to help me. I will make this very short and sweet. I am newly married, 9 months pregnant and about to give birth any day now. My hormones are a wreck and I cry about everything. Here is the problem: My husband and I don't "connect". We don't talk, touch, make love, do anything together. He is in his own little world with his own problems, thoughts, etc. I feel ignored, and neglected. I need alot of attention and affection and I don't get ANY. I have argued, cried, and talked to him until I don't know what else to do..please tell me some way to make him understand what I need and to get some results. I love him and want to make our marriage last....it is harder every day for me to go on...he comes home late and this is the time I need him the most...please help.
  2. Lifesux

    Lifesux New Member

    I need someone who has dealt with this before to help me. I will make this very short and sweet. I am newly married, 9 months pregnant and about to give birth any day now. My hormones are a wreck and I cry about everything. Here is the problem: My husband and I don't "connect". We don't talk, touch, make love, do anything together. He is in his own little world with his own problems, thoughts, etc. I feel ignored, and neglected. I need alot of attention and affection and I don't get ANY. I have argued, cried, and talked to him until I don't know what else to do..please tell me some way to make him understand what I need and to get some results. I love him and want to make our marriage last....it is harder every day for me to go on...he comes home late and this is the time I need him the most...please help.
  3. Deana

    Deana Guest

    Hello,
    Im no expert on this. How long have you known him?Is this your first child?

    Sometimes when your just married it is all new to you and then to be having a baby too it could just be a little much for him and he isnt sure how to be.Has he always been like this or just recently?
    Dont really know what to say without some info about situation.
    Keep trying and maybe you can get him to talk about htings.
    Deana
  4. TeresaBnGA

    TeresaBnGA New Member

    I am sorry that all this is happening to you right now. There are several websites with information and letters to help you in making others understand what you are going through.
    www.fibrohugs.com has a letter to normals
    www.asappain.com has some great information and letters too
    Hope this helps! Sending you a cyber {{{{{{{hug}}}}}}}.

    Soft hugs!
    Teresa :)
  5. Lifesux

    Lifesux New Member

    I will check out the websites, thanks..hopefully I can get somewhere.
  6. Lifesux

    Lifesux New Member

    Yes, it's our first child. We have been together one year, and he used to be affectionate to me when he was drinking, which I have made him stop doing around me cuz I can't while I'm pregnant. It's a long complicated story but that's the jist of it.

  7. Deana

    Deana Guest

    Sometimes handle things different and maybe he just doesnt know what to do.
    Keep talking and hope everything gets better for you.
    Im sorry but I dont think I remember what do you have other then a baby coming?
    I have FMS and other things I cant imagine being pregnant too. Hope your not having other health problems too.

    Deana
  8. Shirl

    Shirl New Member

    I think you are on the wrong site, but try the sites you were given by one of the other members.

    As for advice, I would stop trying so hard, stressing yourself at this time is not a healthy idea.

    Do you attend a church? If so, ask for counseling by your spiritual leader, even your doctor maybe be able to help.

    It sounds like this young man may just be completely overwhelmed by the drastic change in both your lives.

    Wishing you the best,

    Shalom, Shirl
  9. kadywill

    kadywill New Member

    My husband is a recovering alcoholic who hasn't had a drink in 11 years. I would not marry him until he'd been sober a year. I have seen him go through so much during this time. I'm not saying your husband is an actual alcoholic, but mine was a different person when he drank. Some things were actually easier when he drank. I don't drink because my abusive mother was an alcoholic and I won't take that chance. The first year is added stress, too, as is a husband's sense of responsibility when a new child is coming. Some men also find a pregnant woman unattractive or they may feel like they'll hurt the baby if they have sex. I've known men who, when abstaining for any reason, are just downright cold to their spouse. When I'm having a bad flare, as I am now, my husband feels helpless and unable to fix my problem, but instead of verbalizing this, he backs off and acts as if he doesn't care. Your husband may think your entire sexual life will be over when the baby is born. (This may be true for a while)
    Talk to someone....there are MANY sites. Know that you ARE hormonal and accept that you can take some responsibility. Are you suspicious of him? Did he feel like he HAD to marry you? Can you both see a counselor? Be well...your baby needs you!

    Love and Hugs,
    Kady
    [This Message was Edited on 09/04/2002]
  10. Lifesux

    Lifesux New Member

    Thanks for the advice. I need all I can get right now. Once the baby is here I can get back on my meds and that helps alot.