Need advice

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by dream5866, Mar 8, 2006.

  1. dream5866

    dream5866 New Member

    Three years ago, I was feeling really good. My life was good. I was healthy. I was a stay at home mom, doing daycare in my home on and off but mostly caring for my 2 special needs kids, attending meetings at their schools, etc. Then we decided to sell our house so that we could move into a better school system for our children. The process took almost a whole year and was so extremely stressful that I started having tremendous body pain, fatigue, etc. By that time our home was already sold and we were in the process of buying a new one with the knowledge that in order for us to afford it I would need to be working (either doing home daycare again, or something outside the home). I didnt yet know that my body pain and fatigue, among other things, was not a temporary stress related thing. Several months after moving into our home the word "Fibromyalgia" was first mentioned. For the past two years I have been struggling, trying many different doctors and therapies and medications, all while attempting to run my daycare business (only 2 children right now besides my own 2) and I have just been getting worse. Last week I went to the doctor and he finally told me that I have the worst case of Fibro he has ever seen and that realistically I can expect maybe some temporary partial relief from medications and therapy, but probably not total and that this will be my life. Here is my problem. Before I was married I worked for maybe 10 years. Then we got married and when my first son was born I quit my job to stay home. I have been doing home daycare on and off for the past 11 years (nothing consistent for more than a few years at a time). Because of this I do not qualify for disability that I am aware of. I cant keep doing the daycare. It is just becoming too much for me. Does anyone know of any resources out there for disabled stay at home moms? Right now my husband and I are having problems and I dont even know what I will do if this leads to divorce. How will I survive and raise my 2 children?
    [This Message was Edited on 03/09/2006]
  2. Zzzsharn

    Zzzsharn New Member

    Wow, that's a loaded question.

    I do understand your struggle..

    Most of us were, at one time, able to do the whole juggling act of Superwoman~ homemaker, career woman, Mom... And then you get smacked in the face with a 2x4 sheet of reality called Fibro.

    Which takes it's toll on everything including your relationships..

    The only thing I can tell you is what I've learned from my experiences of winding up with fibro, no husband and a couple of kids- Somehow you just find a way to carry on.

    One day at a time, one foot in front of the other. There is a lot of help available for single mothers(if it would come to that)- you just have to search to find it- help with heating, help with electric, daycare assistance so you can work.. etc.

    The stress of an unhealty relationship certainly is going to take it's toll on your body.. it's a nasty vicious cycle.

    Taking care of your own children is demanding enough, add someones elses bundles of joy into the mix and the phsyical demands of child care, it's no wonder your breaking.

    You might want to conisder a desk job that is less physically demaning.. you might find that you are able to do more since you're not lifting and running after kids all day.

    I hope at least you know that you aren't alone.. I hope that you have family and friends that support you and a place where you can vent and get rid of some frustrations. That was what got me thru my divorce.

    I wish you well.
    Sharon
  3. ritatheresa

    ritatheresa New Member

    I'm so sorry your going through this, I am kind of in the same situation.

    I haven't worked in 6 months and basically have been living on a wing and a prayer.

    I would say do a search on the internet, single mom, fibro etc. whatever question you have. Sometimes I have a question and just type it in on my search engine. Sometimes I actually get some good info.

    Have you tried going down to your local social security
    office? If you don't qualify for (I think it's) SSI, you should be entitled to SSD. Definately start the process now.

    I know for myself my biggest worry has been the financial aspect, which really stinks. I kind of have a mantra I tell myself "God will not let me fall".

    Your in my prayers, hang on, Ritatheresa
  4. NyroFan

    NyroFan New Member

    dream5866:
    That is a tough one to answer. Have you dabbled in the stock market (trading on your PC). It is lucrative but you need to keep an eye all day on what is going on and it takes watching CNBC, reading the 'Wall Street Journal' and gaining a closeknit group of people who you work with on the net. You could easily make a good weeks pay. It would just be a matter of learning it. The only other problem is that you have children to take care of. You might be able to do this, though. I am sorry, but it is the only suggestion I have, as I am doing that and collecting alimony and SSD to keep this house of mine running and not get behind in bills without going bankrupt.
    Hugs,
    NyroFan
  5. Nellie2

    Nellie2 New Member

    I too quit working to stay home and raise our two kids. My daughter had special needs as well, but with OT she has been mainstreamed and is doing fairly well. She is now 9, but for 3 years I was her sole caretaker and it was really tough on me. My son is 7 and he is ?regular? or whatever it can be called.

    I did not have any support system and the problems with my daughter keep me from joining any Mom's groups. However, the school district did evaluate her through Child Find and the OT was covered under that program.

    Have you contacted the school district? How about any support groups online for the parents of special needs children?

    I don't have answers but I can empathize. Even though my children are both in school now I do not work outside the home. I too have struggled with the pain, fatigue and the constant battle to feel well.

    I'm willing to chat with you, sometimes just having someone in the same boat makes the waves calm down!

    Hang in there, our "Oars" will line up.
  6. pamj

    pamj New Member

    Please talk to someone at Social Security to find out what you are eligible for. Keep in mind that you need to tell them that the illness started 2 years ago. As long as you have doctors notes to show this, this may be helpful as far as the time span since your regular job. If you don't not qualify for SSDI, you may still be eligible for SSI since it is based on income.

    As far as other resources, I need to think about that. The only other thing I can think of for you to do is to talk to a counselor or social worker, especially if your health insurance covers this. The amount of stress in your life can certainly make the fibro worse, and they may be helpful to find ways to reduce that. They may also have some ideas on what is available for low income parents in your area.

    As far as the above suggestion on trading stocks... I don't want this to sound offensive, but day trading to "make a weeks pay" is like putting all your grocery money on lottery tickets.

    Even the professionals lose money all the time. I worked in investment banking before getting sick, and it is the most stressful environment you have ever seen. This is not an activity for a disabled person who is trying to pay the bills.

    We should only put money in the stock market that we can afford having some risk with, and this would be after having an emergency fund, being debt free, and maxing out retirement accounts. Besides, trading isn't cheap... many people don't realize that there are fees with each trade.

    I feel very protective about money when it comes to a person trying to make ends meet.

    I hope others have some more ideas on the types of resources you can check into. I know that my town has a huge food pantry that people can go to weekly to pick up groceries & toiletries that they need. Mine is run by the church, so you also might want to talk to your church for other ideas.

    Please let us know what you are able to find out, and if you have any other questions.

    take care,
    Pam
  7. Sheila1366

    Sheila1366 New Member

    You get that disabilty.You deserve it.Especially with taking care of your children.I home school my special needs daughter.I can't imagine having two children with special needs.

    My husband and I have had many ups and downs.That is part of marriage.Most things can be fixed but it takes work from both sides.I have found that dads have a really hard time when it comes to understanding the work that goes into taking care of special needs children.I have been very fortunate my husband has been active in my daughters care.

    You know we were told back when my daughter was born that it is very hard for couples to make it when they have a special needs child.Looks like you 2 have been togther for awhile and I bet that things can be worked out.I really hope so.

    Come here and talk about how you feel more.It has helped me many times.And I have had my share of husband bashing especially when I was first diagnosed with fm.

    You really pursue that disability.I hope the best for you,your children and your husband.

    Sheila

  8. dream5866

    dream5866 New Member

    I dont think that I would qualify for SSI because my husband makes too much. As far as SSD I havent worked out of my home for over 11 yrs so dont think I qualify there either.