need advise...regarding "draining friend"

Discussion in 'Spirituality/Worship' started by Scoobsmom, Apr 27, 2004.

  1. Scoobsmom

    Scoobsmom New Member

    Ok you all, I am facing MANY trials right now, and have found out that my journey with more surgeries is far from over...but...what I need most..other than prayer is...

    I have a "friend" who is a very prying, voices her opionion too much to me and I have found myself extremely aggitated, and exhausted just from thinking about it. I realize the boundaries issue, and I want so desprately to have the Holy Spirit press on my heart how to handle this in a Christian way...without the entire church finding out. Speaking of which, the looks and comments that are made to us from "sisters and brothers" at are church. I see it as the opportunity to see the true hearts of some of the people, but I jsut do not have it in me anymore.

    My husband who at this time is holding this little family up financially and holding me up spiritually, physically, and does so much for me...does not have any comforting words or encourageing words from other men within the church. Please pray for us, I have a special needs child who takes alot out of me in the evenings, and that is really my focus right now, how do I share this gently with this "friend".. I am sorry I really needed to vent...

    Hugs..to all, and please know though I do not always respond..I appreciate your prayers, and I pray for others needs on this wonderful website.
  2. monkeykat

    monkeykat Member

    Hi scoobsmom,

    Because relationships are all so unique, I can't tell you exactly what to do but I can tell you what I had to do.

    First things first, you need to take care of yourself as much as possible. Especially considering that you have a special needs child to take care of. I have a friend similar to yours who has made some very harsh, judgmental statements to me and I've had to stop talking to her. I cannot confront the issue right now b/c it would require too much energy. I have had to unplug from her b/c my health isn't good enough to set limits with her. Some day maybe I can speak to her about it but right now I need to take care of "me". Speaking to her just upsets me too much and I don't have the energy to deal with her 'toxicity'. I don't hate her but I don't want her in my life right now.

    I read a great book which was written by Christian psychologists called, "Boundaries...when to say 'yes' and when to say 'no' to take control of your life" by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. You could order it from a local library and I think they even have it on cassette tapes. My husband told me that they have written separate books on 'boundaries and friends', 'boundaries and work', etc.

    Another book that has helped me even though I don't agree with everything she says is "Toxic People" by Dr. Lillian Glass. She gets a little black and white with people types. However, she gives some great techniques for dealing with various types of people which was so helpful for me. I'm trying to learn to use the humor technique more and also mirroring people. These are less stressful ways for me to deal with people when stress exacerbates my fatigue.

    Hope these suggestions help:)
    Kathy
  3. Montysmum

    Montysmum New Member

    Just to let you know you are in my prayers as I sit here. I think Kathy's letter before mine offers great suggestions, I don't have any advice, but wanted you to know you are in my prayers.
    Linda.
  4. dash

    dash New Member

    I'm praying for God's intervention in the situation with "your friend", I think that Debbie's advice is excellent.

    Remember that despite any looks or attitudes you receive from other Christians, God sees all. He sees you and your situation, knows your pain, and your limits. His opinion of you is the one of real value. Christians, after all, are still sinners, redeemed but still being sanctified.

    I will be lifting your husband up to God for strength and blessing along with mine. Encouragement at the local church level is not what it should be.

    God bless,
    Della