Need Encouragement

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by linpop, Nov 28, 2006.

  1. linpop

    linpop New Member

    I am facing the second Christmas alone and I don’t know how to make it through. I had responded to some other post who said they were lonely for Thanksgiving but, they had a sister who they didn’t necessarily get along with but at least it was someone. I feel that the isolation is worse than all the pain I have to go through.

    I make friends then lose them because of my continual canceling at the last minute. Then it gets to the point where I don’t want to waste the energy finding a new one just to have it ruined the same way. I wish we could have a campus or something where we could all live together and take care of one another because let’s face it this DD has more strange side effects than others. We are asking a lot to expect other people to understand our long list of symptoms some of them think we need a psychiatrist because well, we look ‘normal’ to them.

    Christmas music and commercials are killing me I used to have such wonderful Christmas’s I know it is my DD that is causing me to be alone. After all my husband left me just over a year ago and I can’t work, he is letting another woman take care of him financially and she has MS which he thinks is so much worse than what I have. However, she can work, this illness has robbed me of my life at 55 I am a hermit, according to my ex, and he is right. I used to make an effort when I had my good days now I treat them the same as the bad ones because anything I start on a good day never meets completion anyway. I have no health insurance and I am facing homelessness yet I can’t muster any strength to see the authorities about any of it before it is too late. Am I the only one that seems to not want to do anything or, go anywhere without someone going with me? I have no support system and that is very hard since I am going through one trauma after the other but, I am better at helping other’s than myself.

    Sorry, to be a wet blanket at this time of year, but people say they are alone when they don’t realize that being alone is having no one to be with. So, I need encouragement to get through the lonely holidays I wish they would have an option button on the TV so I didn’t have to see the commercials.

    Anyone else going to be totally ALONE for Christmas? I am in So. CA

  2. musikmaker

    musikmaker New Member

    Hi Linda, I will not be alone for Christmas but understand so much of what you are expressing. I still have my partner of 20 years but worry I am going to go the same way you have. I understand not having the strength to make an effort to help yourself. Most days I don't have it either. If my partner wasn't taking care of daily life, it would all fall to the wayside.

    How about a local support group? If you could find one you would be with people who understand your issues. They most likely will be doing some group things for the holidays. They may also be able to assist you in getting to the agencies you need to talk with so you won't loose your home.

    My heart is with you. Lynda
  3. PVLady

    PVLady New Member

    I am also in S. CA - I suggest you apply for disability through your doctor. If you have worked you will have credits to apply. If you doctor fills out the paperwork you can get it for quite some time.

    Then you will have time to apply for permanent disability. My brother recently went through that and all went well.

    He had something like 13 months on temp. disability they after applying for perm. dis. got it in 2 months. Now for some reason, he gets both checks for several months.

    Don't be afraid, please apply and you will feel better. I completely understand how you feel about being a hermit. I feel bad every day except I cannot stay home. It make me even sicker.

    I also realize everything seems so overwhelming when you are sick every day. Just take one thing at a time and the first and only thing right now is to apply for the temp. disability.

    If you can get disability with medical coverage I know a excellent pain specialist in Redondo Beach. I have seen him for years.

    Please get all the advice possible here - we have alot of very knowledgable people.

    Lastly, even if you cancel - I can try and meet you for lunch someday.

    Take care...
  4. Cinlou

    Cinlou New Member


    Gosh, you have so much on your plate.......Holiday music and commercials get to me too...I really beleive this time of year can be very depressing for many of us....

    We are very close in age, I will be 53 in March..I really do not have many friends....only one that lives just up the street. I feel I have been ignored by her lately...her daughter is getting a divorce and has moved in with her so she has been running around with her...also my friend has a "boyfriend", so I have been lonely.

    I am going through a divorce after 18 I am scared...I can't really say I am alone, I do have my children (21 and 17) still at home.....I have my 82 year old mother that has brain cancer....I have a job......but I am lonely...I really have no one to talk to about things....

    What can I do for you? May I be a friend? I live in So. the High Desert....are we close?? I'll send you warm thoughts....prayers to help you find strength to call authorities.....please do see about disability.....oh...I am so worried about you....keep us all posted and updated....and here is a warm (((HUG))))
    Your Friend,

    P.S. I really like your idea about a campus for all of us...sounds so nice.....
    [This Message was Edited on 11/28/2006]
  5. linpop

    linpop New Member

    What nice replies, I usually am the person trying to help others and never ask for help and it is a pleasant surprise to know that other virtual strangers want to offer their friendship and help. I guess I am at a point where I am so overwhelmed and I know we all have difficulties in life, however, the recent years have been so terrible for me one thing after another that I feel like I have lost the will to live. Please don’t misconstrue that with wanting to hurt myself! I watched Montel Williams today and the woman on his show said that we really can will ourselves to die, I don’t believe that because I would be long gone if it were true.

    Life stops when we have one traumatic event after another and when pain is a daily companion along with insomnia, brain fog and all our other idiosyncrasies that only people with our DD can truly understand.

    ‘ Musikmaker’ My husband, before he left me just over a year ago, helped with shopping and other things around the house but wasn’t there for me emotionally, in fact, he was very abusive. My housing situation is that we already lost our home in 1999 since then we were renting homes and then last October he just gave up wanting to be with me and got a job as a security guard on a construction site which provided him with a trailer to live in. I was just left and had to find a room mate to live with for the first time in my life, we had owned a gorgeous home in Palm Springs and our own business but it is all gone because of his alcoholic behavior. The room mate situation didn’t work out it was a nightmare and now I live in a friend’s mobile home which when it sells I will have no where to go.

    ‘PV Lady’ I am two credits short for disability. My husband was sending me $1,000 a month as we haven’t filed for divorce yet. Now after 15 years of marriage he is moving in with another woman who has enough money to take care of him and he has no job. So now I am facing being homeless and penniless what is worse this woman thinks I have been paid enough. He stayed until we lost everything and sucked up money I had, and borrowed from my family and now I am a big ZERO to him. He threatened suicide if I ever left him so I never did and look where that got me! Sorry, I am do distraught at my situation, his answer is for me to find a rich man to take care of me, even though he knows I am a Christian and would never do anything remotely like that, how dare he tell me to do it. I am grateful for your suggestion to meet with me, I am scared very scared because ‘normal’ friends just say to get tough and fight for yourself. They don’t understand what not having the strength means.

    ‘Cinlou’ Sorry to hear about your divorce. Yes, you can be my friend please, I am so lonely and to tired to go through friendships with someone who thinks I should be up and running because I look great. I tell them pain is invisible and they get it for a few weeks then they forget again. I have my chronic fatigue back since my husband called last week and gave me the news about giving up his job and moving in with another woman. I wonder if like me you were the giver in your marriage and then when you can’t give anymore they move to greener grass!

    Thanks to all of you, I would be in a better mood if I hadn’t have gotten a call from my husband (I can’t even call him my ex, he says he has no money to file for a divorce, maybe that will change now that he has a new woman). I am shell shocked from what he has done to me, just basically left me to die after all those years
  6. linpop

    linpop New Member

    I forgot to ask if anyone has found any good meds for insomnia that don't cause morning drowsiness. I was doing okay on Trazadone but now that I have my Chronic Fatigue back it is causing me to sleep most of the day.

  7. lptopcat

    lptopcat New Member

    So sorry you are feeling so down in the dumps. Holiday seasons are the worst. Sounds like you are extemely depressed too. Are you taking an anti-depressant? I think it might help you cope.

    Also, this "ex" husband thing...maybe you should file for divorce. Most states/counties have free legal aid societies for low income people. Maybe you need closure on that issue.

    I'm not a therapist, but just believe we are all here for you. If I could, I'd reach thru this computer and give you a nice (((hug))).

    I sure hope you feel better soon. Take care of yourself. Maybe you should get out of the house for a bit, just a short walk, and breathe.

    Prayers and hugs to you,

  8. linpop

    linpop New Member

    Thank you I really appreciate the sentiment. I was on Effexor didn't help much, I changed over 6 weeks ago to Zoloft at 100mg a day, I am just not getting much sleep. Does the lack of sleep make your pain go through the roof?

    Hugs to all

  9. linpop

    linpop New Member

    My pain in through the roof today, a so, so friend dropped off a vacuum cleaner for me and he said you don't look good (my eyes were red from crying) I, as usual, said I'm okay and off he went. He used to be my employer and we stayed friends he knows what I go through but this is what I mean about not being able to have friends unless they are suffering this DD. They don't want to know!

    Which brings me to I really appreciate both of you offering to be my friend, however, I just read the post regarding posting on 'CHIT CHAT' for 'Off Topic' messages. I want to honor that so how do I keep in touch with you?

    I am going to make a post on the 'CHIT CHAT' Message Board and maybe you can reply to me there. The weather change and not sleeping plus stress has my pain level very high and that is when I get more depressed.

    I would love to have a 'normal' life and work instead of all this bordem.

    Thank you,

  10. padre

    padre New Member

    I hear what you are saying. My guess is that even those of us who have spouses and jobs can feel your kind of loneliness. When people do not understand us, or when we do not have the energy to be out and about, or even when rightfully we feel sorry for ourselves, we are alone. We grieve over the loss of self. There are ways to get that back. Rediscover a passion, get angry at your disease or ex-spouse, find a support group where you can be accepted.

    As for sleep, I am sold on the oldest remedy of Elavil, The non-theraputic dose of 20 mg at bedtime works better for me than all of the others. I have tried most all every new doctor has a new idea and none are better.

    Suggestion -- drag yourself to a homeless shelter or the Salvation Army on Christmas and VOLUNTEER. Go and cheer someone else up. No matter how tired you feel after it all, I'll bet you will also feel better.
  11. linpop

    linpop New Member

    I was on Elavil years ago and I found it made me drowsy in the am and also I couldn't stand the dry mouth it gave me.

    This last week has just been so bad I can fall asleep most nights but I keep waking up. Then last night I took Xanax at 9 pm hoping to get to sleep by 11 pm and I was still awake at 3 am. So my problem keeps changing one extreme to the other and my day time sleepiness has increased so that I sometimes just can't stay awake, no matter how hard I try. I have even fallen asleep sitting on the 'throne' I hope to heck I'm not the only one that has ever done that or I will be thinking I'm crazy.


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