Need Help, Completely Overrun

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by risinforce, Aug 25, 2006.

  1. risinforce

    risinforce New Member

    Hi there,

    I'm exhausted! I need help and just to explain and get this off my chest. I have FM and am never allowed to not feel well. Like everyone in my life says "oh yeah, you have that pain thing" I'm sure I'm not alone on this.

    I'm a single mom of a 7 year old boy who is now playing pop warner football. That means practice 3 nights a week until 8 pm and that's after a full days work. Plus he has a game every Friday or Saturday. My house is falling apart, laundry is stacked everywhere in my room needing to be put away. It's like I cannot get ahead or take time for myself.

    Sundays is when he goes to his dad's for three days and I usually sleep all afternoon so I can make it to work feeling ok on Monday morning. My son's dad is not any help because he doesn't even think the pain is real. That's why I'm not married to him anymore.

    I just feel like the world is caving in on me and I'm going to fall down and die. I guess I need to vent. this morning it was tears all the way to work. That's not a good sign as I did that right before I had to quit working for 4 months 4 years ago because I ended up not being able to cross a room. That is when the FM got really bad. Stress did it.

    I am petrified this will happen again. I'm so afraid of feeling like poop all the time. Living in constant fear is not good either.

    what do I do? Where can I draw the line? I have to work fulltime because of economics, I can't make my son not be involved in anything because of my health. I sometimes feel like there is no where to turn.

    Any advice or someone in a similar situation? Either way, thanks for letting me vent.

  2. Marta608

    Marta608 Member

    Awwww, Shawn, I feel bad for you. You've really got your hands full, don't you? Working full time AND managing three nights a week with your son plus games??? Amazing.

    I'm sure some others will be along with more help in this regard, but have you filed for disability? It takes awhile so an early start is a good idea.

    For the interim, why can't your ex take his son to practice and or the games? It's such a guy thing to do anyway. If he can't or wont, how about contacting another mom and asking if she could take your son to practices. If someone does, you rest! Lie down with a good book or do whatever relaxes you best, while he's gone. Don't worry about the laundry for now. If it's at least clean, it's good! It's OK to lower your standards for that stuff.

    You can't keep up your current pace. You know that. Step back, take a breath and figure out Plan B.

    What does your doctor say? Any help there?

  3. lovethesun

    lovethesun New Member

    you would also get a second check for your son's needs.It would continue until he is 18.Linda
  4. littleleafhopper

    littleleafhopper New Member

    I just wanted you to know that we're listening. Being a single Mom in your situation must be one of the toughest jobs in the world.

    Perhaps contacting other Moms to form a carpool to practices might give you some time for yourself. I don't know if that's possible but it might help.

    I'm not in your situation, but have so much respect for all you parents that keep it going!

    Yours, Lil
  5. kaymac

    kaymac New Member

    ....maybe another parent of a football player could help out taking your son to practice or is it possible the father can help?

    Do you have a close friend or neighbor or co worker that can help out maybe once a week also?

    Hang in there girl, I admire single parents and those with small children especially with our DD how in the world they can manage! My youngest is 14 and I can't imagine dealing with younger children!

    I have my son help drag the laundry to the wash room, load it, and load dryer, and then put clothes on couch where I can sit and fold them...maybe your son can help with that much as well.

    God Bless you!

  6. hugs4evry1

    hugs4evry1 New Member

    I am so sorry you're not feeling well right now...I know it can seem overwhelming sometimes.

    Others have had some great ideas. Otherwise, it's not too early/late to have your son learn to help you with the laundry, especially putting away his own.

    Kids love to help when they're young in any way they can.

    Are you taking any good vitamins and supplements like they sell here at Pro Health? I've found them to be very helpful in gettting up and around lately. Some days it's all that keeps me upright so I can do what I need to do.

    You do sound like you might be on the edge of a flare. It's good that you recognize this so you can adjust what you're doing.

    Right now it's important to do whatever your body needs you to do to get the rest that's so important to your health. If you feel like you're overdoing it, cut back.

    Your son is only 7, it's not like college depends on this season....(sorry don't mean to offend, but you are sick). It wouldn't be the end of the world if he didn't get to play right now.

    Maybe some of the other Moms would be willing to help out. I always had a parent of one of the kids' friends who would drive them where they needed to church, girlscouts, school dances etc. They knew I was sick and my kids probably wouldn't get to go anywhere without their help.

    I hope you find some help in some of the responses. Sometimes all it takes is getting to vent a bit to make us feel better.


    Nancy B.
  7. rosemarie

    rosemarie Member

    I can feel the struggle you having with this dd. We all go through out our lives with times that have become over whelming for us. My dear that you what you are going through.

    Having had fibro and several other chronic pain issuse's I really understand how you feel. Lost, alone, no onw that believes's just how bad you really are feeling. I may have the husband who is a hard worker but is not the best bill payer I know. He just thinks that while my pain is real I really don't need to be on the narctoic pain meds. AS I am addicted to them. I fall alseep every afternoon or evening and have no control over it.

    I am learning that while this disease is so draining on us that we tend to keep in the feelings that we really need to share. We don't try to make people understand what we have to live with on a daily basis. It is hard to explain and have people understand how we hurt when there are no out ward signs of pain. NO sores, NO burns, Nothing that shows why we are in so much pain.And then add the fatique. How can you always be so tired you really have not done that much.

    All mothers can take care of the kids, keep the house clean ,dishes done and the laundry done up and have a spotless house and stll have time to take the kids to a movie and all the after school activities. Why should we be tired just because we have also worked a 9 hour day and had to drive home in a rush durning traffic at it worst.

    When in all reality we first don't have the energy that "Normals have" We are starting with a deficit amount of enregy. So when we add all the things that mothers are supposed to be doing and still working we are so tired and fatiqued that some times we don't even know who we are.

    I wish I had that answer for you as to how to get people to undersand that you are really sick and that you can't do 80% of the things that you did before fibro.

    I am sorry that this illness has you worried that you will become sick again and not beable to work. All I can say is to take a day at a time. For me the worlds wrost house keeper , I have had to pick a room and clean it and then maintain it for several weeks before I can start on another room of my house.

    I do laundry as needed. EVERY DAY a load of towels , whites, darks what ever needs done I will put a batch in and go and load my dishwasher and then just sit down and rest for a while . But that is what works for me.

    It may not work for you ,but try and find a balance so that you can get the basics done and then don't sweat the rest of it. As long as you have clean clothes for you and you son and dishes and food to eat then your doing good.
    When you have a good day put in some laundry and only do 1-2 loads so that you are not overdoing it.

    I have had to learn that there is only so much enrgy in my body and the more I stress over life's proelbems the worse I feel and the less I have energy to do things with. I pick when I can go to town and get groceries.

    And for me that is a huge deal and I will get it done and come home , put the groceries away and go and lay down for a hour or so.But I don't have to work any more so I can lay down when I need to.

    Try to find that balance in your life where you can get some things done and rest as much as you can. Try not to stress over the maybe's , for right this minute your working and doing OK . So try to look at the postive.

    Figure out what is best for you , what you can do in a short amount of time. And then do it. YOUr not alone in this and I know how hard it is to feel like you have the energy of a noodle .

    Take your time , enjoy the time you get to spend with your son. Do the basic's and find some ting for you to do to help you to relax and unwind and that does help. The more you are relaxed the easier it is to get the sleep you need.

    So please take care of yourself and your son. KNow that you not alone.
  8. mrdad

    mrdad New Member

    I'm sorry you're having such a rough time physically and
    emotionally. Read your Bio. and have a fairly good
    general understanding of your situation.

    I think Brooks has given you some good advice in regards
    to your limitations. Agree with her that your Son really
    doesn't need to be involved in an activity that is detri-
    mental to your health and possibly over-demanding on a
    seven year old! Your obligation is to your Son by trying
    to maintain a healthful situation for self.

    I lived close to you for about 10 years in Plumas Co. CA.
    and use to get into Reno on "business" once a week! My
    former wife was born in Fallon and we are still good
    friends. Anyway, I hope things get better for you and
    please don't over do things. Your Son might be better
    to have a sleep-over friend at your house than an NFL
    career! "Talk" later, OK??

    Stay in there.

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