Need help finding info r/t child predatorsplease help this mom

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by painterZ, Mar 27, 2007.

  1. painterZ

    painterZ New Member

    Hi...I usually post on the depression board but didn't think my questions made much sense to post there, so hopefully some of you have some ideas. Long story short, my ex-husband was arrested for child solicitation and porno via the internet. Together we have a young daughter who is being primarily cared for by his mother (my ex-MIL). We're waiting for our court date for custody and supervision hearings. My issue is this, I have been surfing the net for info regarding predators, their behavior, signs and symptoms of abuse, and other things like how easy is it to obtain child porn? how easy is it to hide it? how long is it before a predator gets up the nerve to contact kids over the net? how long before he attempts a meeting? My list of questions goes on and on. Suprisingly, I have not been able to find out a whole lot of info out there. I keep coming to three main groups, but my requests for info have gone unnoticed as of yet. If anyone could direct me in any way, I'd greatly appreciate it.

    Thanks so much.

  2. therealmadscientist

    therealmadscientist New Member

    I tried a search with Google for "behavior sexual predator profile" and "behavior sexual predator legal" and found some info that seemed useful. Good luck. mr Bill
  3. Fmandy

    Fmandy New Member

    It is totally impossible to answer a couple of your questions I would think. Who can predict the future behavior of anyone? Who can predict the future period?

    I understand that you are searching for "behavioral trends", but they will not do you any good in court. It would be "hypothetical" accusations.

    What you can do is make sure that the police have his computer hard drive in custody. This is important to know-You can delete porn, murder plans or anything from a hard drive and all of it can be recovered. You can even reformat a hard drive and the info can be recovered. It is called computer forensics and the applications are indeed complex, but companies do this as a sole business function.

    The police will probably give you a hard time with getting information. I would call the DA's office and just ask if the evidence has been preserved (specifically the computer hard drive). Things get lost. Remember the psycho that said he killed The little Ramsey girl? California lost his hard drive so they had to let him go.

    If your ex is convicted of this charge, it could be that he could only see his child under court supervision.

    I hate to mention it, but have you had a chance to talk very gently to your little girl about even the appearance of abuse from her father? This may best be done by a child psychiatrist.

    Best of luck to you Mam.

  4. painterZ

    painterZ New Member

    Thanks everyone for your help. I've been sorting through some of your suggestions and found some really good info.


    just wanted to let you know that the police retrieved his computer and are still looking through the hard drive. Unfortunately, they've admitted to me that they jumped to quickly on my ex and looked in the wrong home for material, and don't have a good case base. I have the transcripts from his encounters on-line. I know exactly what that idiot said and admitted to. I guess in finding some answers, I just want to know if his behavior with me while married (violent)and other behaviors, could have predicted this. I knew something was very deviant about him. I'm terrified about my daughter. I've tried to ask her very general questions, but she doesn't talk about things much, dispite my efforts for open, honest communication, basically from birth. I've asked my ex-MIL to allow my daughter to go to a child therapist just for a simple evaluation. She refuses. I talked with her pediatrician who advised an immediate eval for my daughter. My ex-MIL refused. She would not even allow a medical exam, but any physical signs are long gone. I will never get an admission from him, even with evidance pointed in his face. I will forever be on high watch with my daughter and any children he has been with or will be around. I don't know what I'm looking for. Something concrete. Something for some kind of closure. I'm just looking until I can find something to fill this crater in my soul.

    Thanks again everyone.

  5. Fmandy

    Fmandy New Member

    I am so sorry and now I do understand more than before. I really wish that there was something I could do to help you. If I were to think of anything, I will post it here.

    I believe in karma and that it balances in this life. What goes around comes around. You reap what you sow and on and on...

    I would just love to be around when your MIL gets hers. Your ex may not have hurt his little girl, but your MIL has already.

    I hope that you can find some peace :}

  6. JessB

    JessB New Member

    This may sound extreme but have you tried human services/family and child services. If there is much evidence at all maybe they can at least get an order for physical and mental exams. It's never much fun involving the government in things, but I think most of us would do whatever we have to to protect our children.

    Good Luck and stay strong, you keep fighting for your little girl, at least she will know someone loves her and one day she will thank you for being such a caring mother.

    Keep Hope.
  7. Mini4Me

    Mini4Me New Member

    I'm so sorry you are going through this nightmare! I hope your child can get proper counseling soon.

    Your questions are interesting.

    We live in a small community where everyone knows everyone else, and long story short, last year one of our very well known doctors was arrested for soliciting for child porn.

    The community was shocked!!! Apparently, he'd been involved with this for years! The woman he was dating (a very wealthy, intelligent person) was shocked! He fooled everyone all of these years into thinking he was an upstanding member of our community.

    So, it appears that sexual predators come in all sizes and financial backgrounds.

    Best of luck. My heart goes out to you.
  8. joyfully

    joyfully New Member

    Please be careful how you do this search. i don't want HIS lawyer confiscating YOUR computer to prove that you are into child porn too. (Or that YOU are the one that was doing the child porn stuff). You know how stuff can get twisted around.

    I don't have answers. I have read about your situation on the depression board. you are in a tough spot with your MIL having custody.
  9. therealmadscientist

    therealmadscientist New Member

    Very good advice from Joyful.
    I was once in a small town where, with slight exageration, almost everyone was "Dumb as a stump and proud of it".

    One person wanted to get out of repaying a debt so she tried to spread rumours that I was a molester. Unfortunately, just having intelligent knowledge about something is enough to make one an object of suspicion in that type of culture.

    Anyway, worked out OK, but I decided to leave anyway because the only bookstore had closed the year before and only one out of town newspaper could be bought. Oh, and the only person that I knew and thought was "informed" left town also. Besides, I speak some French and respect the French culture and opinions!

    BTW, it is kind of sad that, as a single male, I would rather be alone with a Vampire that with a kid. Sigh.

    Probably one "sign" to look for is how the person looks at a kid when the person doesn't know being observed. Seems like the more "normal" a person seems the more likely that they are hypocrites.

    Sorry about the "bitter" venting in my post.
    [This Message was Edited on 03/29/2007]
    [This Message was Edited on 03/29/2007]
    [This Message was Edited on 03/29/2007]
    [This Message was Edited on 04/02/2007]
  10. painterZ

    painterZ New Member

    to everyone, for their encouragement and ideas. Yesterday I got notice that my lawyer is being switched. They weren't clear as to why, but personally I like her better. I just hope she does as good of a job as the lawyer I didn't like. This diasaster is going to take more time than originally thought, so I need to extend my energy a bit. I'll keep you posted though.

    Thanks again.

  11. Shirl

    Shirl New Member

    If the police have his computer, then they will have what they need if he is going to those sites.

    You need to get a court order to have your daughter evaluated by a professional, that way your MIL could not stop it. She would have to abide by the court order, or go to jail.

    I would work on that by all means. Do it as soon as possible.

    God bless hon, that is a horrible situation.

    Shalom, Shirl

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