Need help getting hubby to understand was in auto accident

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by deepcanyon1, Feb 28, 2009.

  1. deepcanyon1

    deepcanyon1 New Member

    Not sure what to do to get him to understand....We were reended on friday I had my 17 yr old daughter and 12 yr old son with me. I was sitting still and the guy didn't evem put his brakes on enough to make brake marks. I think my car is totalled because of it will cost more to repair then the value:(.
    The kids were taken by ambulance to the er and my daughter has had her concussion reinjured as she hit her head on something not sure what as we were all wearing seatbelts...
    yesterday was horrible i have been in so much pain the er said that we all had numerous strains and sprains in neck, back and chest...and it seems he just doesn't get it...he came to the scene and was telling me to calm down but by then my anxiety disease and PTSD had kicked in....
    The pain was much worse yesterday and no better today..
    both legs are hurting and my head, arms, chest, ect. The er said we needed to follow up with docs monday.
    My attorney will be here tomorrow but my biggest thing is its like we are getting no compassion or understanding from my hubby asked me this morning if i wanted to go and walk the flea market, was upset with me all day yesterday cause i was in bed and now today wants me to help clean the house:(
    I am at a loss for words he has never been like this before and not sure why he doesn't understand would greatly apprectiate any help on what to do it is only making me worse from the stress.
  2. 3gs

    3gs New Member

    That had to have been so scary. Im glad you and the kids weren't hurt a ny worse than you were. Having said that tho, with Fibro that was major!

    You are going to be down for awhile. Do you see a chiro? Whiplash is a serious injury. People don't releaize your brain slides around in your head. How are the kids? Make sure all of you follow-up with docs. and relaxers if you have them. Be gentle with yourself.

    Maybe hubby is trying to take focus off of accident? Did hospital give you instrutions? No lifting,bending etc. Have him read it. Maybe suggest he go by self.
    Tell him to take a chill-pill. The trama also is alot to deal with. It hits days later.

    House isn't going anywhere. Maybe suggest a movie,pizza and a warm gentle hug.

    Hope everyone gets better.
  3. deepcanyon1

    deepcanyon1 New Member

    Yes it was very scary and my anxiety kicked in almost immediately. No I don't see a chiro and the attorney said he will help us find a good place tomorrow cause the er had referred us to a injury rehab...not sure what that is?
    Yes hospital said to take it easy and not do anything no lifting and wrote scripts for me and my daughter for vicodin and also flexeril an to take every 6 hrs. It hasn't helped either one of us:(. Well i don't think he would go for that he wants to clean so thats what hes doing right now running vacuum and such but everytime he walks into the room he just sighs and that is just really bringing me down so much i feel like i am letting him down and don't know what to do.
    Thanks so much for your input:)

  4. 3gs

    3gs New Member

    Sorry the meds aren't working may take awhile. Fibro seems to delay healing,thats why you need to take it easy.

    Injury rehab sounds good. Sounds like it is for accidents just make sure they understand fibro and don't try to push to hard or fast. It's only been aday.

    Hubby just say Thanks great job. Don't let it bring you down. You were just in a serious accident! Anyone would be down. Send him to the store or something,or make a paper airplane out of hospital report and fly it at his head!

    You are not letting him down. You need to take care of you and daughter.

    warm gentle hugs

  5. deepcanyon1

    deepcanyon1 New Member

    hanks Jen and jam,
    and he has never been controlling not sure what is wrong with him but he asked me to help fold clothes and i said yes he said he would bring them to the bed for will take awhile but i will get it done:)
    and Jen thanks for the smile i really needed it about making the airplane....i might just have to do that.
    My son seems to be doing the best out of all this and he was in the backsit...but who knows how he will feel tomorrow.
    I just want him to understand that my mind is racing from all this and i can't get it to slow down and the stress just makes me worse...hopefully he gets the message soon.

    Thanks for the hugs I needed them

  6. 3gs

    3gs New Member

    Thought-maybe he's scared and worried this is his way of dealing. You know men,act as if nothing happened.

    Have him gently give you a cuddle and maybe lay done with you for a sec. Tell him how scared you were(are) but you are releived he's there.

    Then throw the towels under the bed

  7. deepcanyon1

    deepcanyon1 New Member

    He laid down on the bed and hes so upset that he is having to do everything and the lawyer will be here at noon tomorrow and now he looks at me and says it has just hit him this is it this is as good as it gets i will never be any healthier or better after almost 13 yrs this is it with our marriage.....I think he wants out and well if he does hes a good man an deserves someone that has their health and i don't have any answers and he says i will never find a doc to even give me answers it just seems like today is a really bad day and not getting any better...thank goodness theres others out there that can understand and know what i am talking about....and i can vent and noone will judge me for it.

    I told him to do whatever he thinks he has to do cause i am not bed bond before this happened i do the shopping and make sure to get the kids to all the appts and homeschool them and yea i may be wore out and can't cook dinner every nite and fall asleep about 10 mins after i eat but thats just something i have to deal with...

    thanks for letting me vent

  8. 3gs

    3gs New Member

    Whoa! Just came back on board and Iam very puzzled about hubby. Didn't your marriage vows say for better or worse in SICKNESS and in health?

    I can't believe all that you do(possibly over due?) You did not ask for this dd. If hubby had it would you bail?
    Maybe if the house chores were let go the lawyer could have seen what you are dealing with. Make sure he understands about you being sick and what this accident is going to do your condition.
    Then hire a maid with insurance money and maybe you can stay awake after dinner.

    Feel free to vent anytime we all have those times. Hope tm is better. Let us know.
  9. deepcanyon1

    deepcanyon1 New Member

    Sorry I have not replied to this thread or been on here for awhile but things got really bad after I posted this...that Monday I had to take my daughter down to All Childrens and she was admitted with a really bad concussion her 3rd one in about a yr. She had just recovered from the one where she was kicked in the head by her horse. She woke up monday after the accident an couldn't tell me the day or the yr she was born. They admitted her an said they were going to give her massive doses of iv to hydrate the brain and wanted to keep her over nite for observation and she couldn't go home till she was more responsive. I stayed at the hospital with her and the lawyer came there to talk to me.
    And my hubby is back to his old self and I am so glad I think he gets really down because he can't help me an knows that after all these yrs its not because i am lazy..God I wish that was what was wrong with me
    So now me, my daughter and son are all going to injury rehab and don't know for how long an since we are in the state of florida were told when daughter goes over my pip insurance for injuries then it starts to come out of any settlement she would get...I just want her to get well and be her old self again.
    I am doing the best I can and trying to hang in but its hard with so many things wrong and now this,
    But you guys are the greatest to reply and be there whenever needed
    I thank God for letting me find this group
  10. Pansygirl

    Pansygirl New Member

    Special just for you. Hope your daughter is feeling better soon.

    Glad your hubby is back to his old self. I have a loving husband but men
    don't think like us women do which can definitely be a challenge for us .

    The housework can wait, family is important.

    That was a very scarey accident and I'm glad you all weren't more hurt.

    Gentle hugs and please keep us posted.
  11. hensue

    hensue New Member

    My son was in a couple of sitting accidents and got hit from behind, it did not start right away only months later he started having migraines.
    He is very macho and in the Army now big guy never gave in to pain.
    He found out later on MRI the tendons in his neck do not hold his head up right anymore. This was causing the headaches and neckaches.
    We did not sue either time one was a gas truck, this has been over a period of ten years. In time we have seen him come out of a lot of the headaches and neck pain. He went and got some physical therapy.
    Your symptons for all of yu especially wiplash can be long lasting. I am sure I did not use the right terms for my sons neck. He actually has to get the muscles stronger and walk and over the years it has gotten better. It has been a very painful struggle for him and his focus is not there like it use to be.
    So hang in there and men I have learned are confusing when they are depressed they get angry. When they do not want to accept something they just act like it is not there. I guess this is my husband coping skills not all men u understand. Just my husband, so I am sure he was scared and upset and you were too. I am just so glad it was not worse do get a lawyer you might need one if somethings come up later on down the road. I hope not and you have my prayers I am glad you and the children are safe.
    take care
  12. Jordane

    Jordane New Member

    What an awfull thing to go thru...TG you are all ok.
    But with the pain you are having you should rest as much as you son had a minor car accident and he has had a lot of pain in his neck and back, does Chiro just about every week. This was awhile back but the pain is ongoing. care of your body and soul..because the accidents hurt more than our bodies.

    Gentle hugs,