Need prayer... some of u know my story

Discussion in 'Spirituality/Worship' started by craziC, Aug 31, 2004.

  1. craziC

    craziC New Member

    Well, I got a card from my mom today. It was a beautiful card and then I saw she wrote a little note on a piece of paper.

    I read the note, and it wasn't so nice. My parents don't understand what they've done to me. They abandoned me on the most special day of my life. I don't understand how they can expect me to just "get over it". I didn't want contact with them for a reason. I need to heal. Then my mom sends me a card today, and everything just topples over.

    I need prayer for strength and courage. I'm trying to dig through all this stuff and it's awfully heavy! And I just wanna give up, but I can't.

    Much love,
  2. jill5050

    jill5050 New Member

    I will pray for you! Lord, I pray that Cheri will reach out to you in these tough times. Lord, hold her in your arms, impart healing upon your daughter. Lord, I ask that you give her comfort and the warm love that you give. Lord, let Cheri know that you are her Father in heaven, that you can help her with her family on Earth. You are a God of reconciliation, please guide you lambs together.

    Cheri, I don't know what is in God's will. I pray that He will reveal it to you. Open your heart to His words.

  3. craziC

    craziC New Member

    There's some things I don't understand and need some help with. I know that I'm supposed to forgive, but how? My mother has done so much and said so many hurtful things to me - I don't know how to forgive.

    My parents are both Christians and very active in their church (Mennonite). But I just don't understand how they can puposfully hurt their daughter. They didn't pay for our wedding because they didn't want me to marry him.

    So basically they decided that by not paying for anything then maybe we wouldn't get married. So either way I was bound to get destroyed. Why would they do that? My older sister go married and they gave her the most beautiful wedding. She even had an ice sculpture at her wedding.

    And they didn't even support me at all. Instead they attempt to take away the most important day of my life. Now they expect me to just "get over it". And act like nothing ever happened.

    I can't do that. Too much has happened already and I think this wedding thing is what broke me. Put yourself in my shoes. How would you feel if your parents did this to you? It is so painful to even think about it.

    Then since they didn't support us, no one else in my family did. How would you feel if NO ONE from your family came to support you on your wedding day? Would you be able to just move on and forget it?

    I've never been good enough for them, and I never will. I'm tired. I'm tired of trying to be what they want me to be. I want to be myself. But they make me feel that I'm not good enough. I feel like it's a competition in my family. Especially between my sister and I. It's always been one good daughter, one bad daughter. Of course, I've always been the bad one. The rebelious one.

    I have my own thoughts, my own dreams, my own beliefs. What I want for my life doesn't match what they want. So it's always been a struggle. I can't do it anymore. And if they can't accept me, accept my marriage, accept my life, then why should I even try? It's a waste of my time.

    I just want them to admit when they're wrong. To apologize to my face. To say to me that "hey, we've screwed up here". But I'll never hear that. I never have heard it. I'm always expected to ask for forgiveness even if I feel I haven't done anything wrong.

    When my mother and I used to go to counseling together, the counselor suspected that my mom had Borderline Personality Disorder. That's not easy to live with.

    Sorry this became so long but I'm at the end of my rope here. I was doing so well, then she send me that card and everything is cracking.

    [This Message was Edited on 09/01/2004]
  4. grge

    grge New Member

    sibling rivalry and dsyfunctional families are not new to our Lord. In the old testament are many examples of family life. I'm sure you feel betrayed and sick to your soul. Think about Joseph, his brothers sold him into slavery, Cain and Able and on an on.

    Sometimes familiy can hurt you more than anyone else, when you continue to feel anger and have bitterness in your heart it is not only your health that suffers but your heart also.

    I ask that you earnestly pray for your family. I ask that you pray until you feel Gods special touch, pray until you put yourself in a place to feel Gods' touch.

    Forgiving means you are truly able to get on with your life
    and it does'nt mean putting yourself back in the same situation.

    Lord, God I pray thatCherbear will allow You to heal the heaviness in her heart, that you will lift her above this situation and allow her to feel your power.

    God I pray you will touch each family members heart cosole those who are hurt and heavy in spirit. Shower this family with Your blessings.

    [This Message was Edited on 09/01/2004]
  5. craziC

    craziC New Member

    I have to forgive, but not necessarily feel it in my heart? I guess I just don't understand how you can forgive someone but not FEEL it. Isn't it just empty? And if I "forgive" them, does that mean I just ignore those feelings that creep up inside me? Or do I deal with those feelings?

    I know satan can play some tricky games and I know he's happy to see my family torn apart. I'm fully aware of all that. But once I'm able to forgive does that mean I have to move on, have a relationship with them and allow them to continue to hurt me?

    Is it Christian to break off relationships from others who continue to tear apart your soul? I want to be able to have a family but I can't continue to go through this with them. It's always something. There's always a crisis going on. Nothing can ever be peaceful. My mom seems to thrive on crisis.

    It's usually mom, dad and my sister against me for one reason or another. It used to be switched between my sister and I. My mom would play my sister and I against each other. Like I said in another post, there was always 1 good daughter and 1 bad. I just want them to understand what they did to me and my DH. I want them to realize the damage they've caused. But why won't they?

    And since all this stuff has happened, my parents are all of a sudden getting more involved in church, my mom even went to India for mission work. This is how it was when my mom cheated on my dad. It's like, well maybe if we become so involved in other things (mainly church stuff) then we don't have to face what's really going on. Then gradually everthing is swept under the rug and it's NEVER discussed again.

    I had at one time, tried to discuss these things with my father and he said, "you're mother is forgiven we're not going to talk about it anymore". But how can you move on if you don't DEAL with problems? How can you say, forgive and it's gone? What about all the junk that is left? What do you do with it all? Forgive and forget right? I'm not able to do that I guess.

    So basically I'm a horrible person, daughter, sister, and wife. I haven't learned how to let go of things and I guess that means I'm pretty much doomed. I'm not going to discuss this anymore after this post. It's pointless. I can't do what I'm supposed to do so once again I'm the "bad" one. That's fine, I can at least deal with that. I'm used to it.

  6. craziC

    craziC New Member

    I'm a little overwhelmed. I feel so confused most of the time! LOL I have to confess that I find it hard to even pray anymore. It's like the words won't form, they're just not there.

    I don't know where to begin when I pray. And often feel unheard. I know that's not true but it's hard. That's why I'm glad I have all you! LOL At least someone is praying about this situation even if I don't know how.

    Thank you for such support, kindness and honesty. Obedience is not an easy thing! I just want to scream at my family and let them know exactly how I feel, but I know that's not possible. It's not the right thing to do.

    My whole life all I've wanted is for them to realize what they do to me. I want them to stop. But I have to accept that it's not in my hands to stop them. I can only hang on and hope that someday things will be alright. That's all I want... I want peace in my family. I just hope it doesn't take too long! LOL

    Patience isn't an easy thing either by the way! I want this fixed NOW. LOL I always find it easier to put my feelings on paper so I'm thinking of starting my journaling again. That might be a good way to talk with the Lord and get my feelings out.

    I wish I could grab ya'll and squeeze tight. Everyone here has accepted me and supported me 100% and that is unusual to find - for me anyway! I'm going to read over your replies again and again until I understand it all. I've realized that I don't want to forgive my parents. That's what is holding me back. But I know that it's hurting me, and I don't want that.

    So, hopefully I can find some answers and I'll be able to work through this. Geesh life can be rough sometimes! Thanks again!

    I love you all!!