need some advice and need to vent.

Discussion in 'Caregivers' started by mom_2_1, Sep 1, 2004.

  1. mom_2_1

    mom_2_1 New Member

    I usually post on the depression board but just decided to check the other boards out. I'm the primary caregiver to my almost 71 year old mom. I have a brother who lives about an hour away but he is useless. All my sister in law likes to do is complain I'm not helping my mom out enough. I'm sorry but I do what I can. I'm married, a mom, work full time and need some time for myself. Why does everyone refuse to believe this? My mom has COPD, severe depression/anxiety, and I'm not sure what the technical term is but her legs are severly swollen and turning purple. I know my mom is lonely (all her brothers and sisters live about 3-4 hours away). She calls me constantly. Right now I'm 2nd shift so I'm home during the day. Yesterday between 8am and noon she called 7 times. If I'm not home she calls every ten minutes until she gets me (we have caller id)and then badgers me for going places when she can't get out of the house. I love her dearly but feel like I did when I was a teenager. I won't even give her my cell number. Sorry if that sounds cruel but... My husband wants me to go with him on Sunday to the local race track but I'm afraid. She calls so much. Last Sunday we went swimming about 2 pm. By 3:30 she was calling wondering where we were. I told her we were going. My step dad is no help, in fact he makes the problem worse. My mom wants to get a nurse to come in every morning, do her blood pressure, talk, etc. My step dad's answer is why do you need a nurse when Jeannie (me) will do it for free. Today I told her I'm bidding on a day shift job becuase I want to be home with my son at night now that he's in school and now she is mad at me because "who is she supposed to talk to during the day". Don't I have the right to do what's best for me and my family?? There are times I'm ready to check myself into a hospital for a vacation. Thanks for listening. I just need to vent but any help or advice would be appreciated
  2. Milo83

    Milo83 New Member


    I haven't been on this board in over a year or so - but just decided to pop in........

    YOUR MOTHER SOUNDS JUST LIKE MINE USED TO!!! Unfortuneatly, my Mom is now in a NH and very close to death...But yet when she has her "lucid moments" she still tries to put me on "guilt trips" - Yes, you are a grown woman now with a family of your own - and yet it makes you feel like a teenager living in her home...I can understand that completly.........

    You have to do what is right for you - You have to bid on that day shift job, you have to think of your son, she still has your step dad, and she will just have to find someone else to talk to during the day - SORRY, if I'm coming off cold, but I have been there, and learned the hard way........

    Wishing you the best.........Hugs.....Donna
  3. Lupian

    Lupian New Member

    to continue like this. You have a right to your own life, and to put your husband and son first. THis person neds professionals coming in to do whatever is necessary. Call any agency you know of, or call the Crisis Center - they will know where to refer you. There are agencies and independents who can help this woman and not be emoitinally damaged by the demands. Grant yourself permission to have a life!
    Hugs
  4. twig711

    twig711 New Member

    I think when a person starts to need so much from you that it is draining your ability to be a whole person with the ability to even give them the compassion they are looking for then you need to set some pretty strong limits. It sounds like you are really a wonderful person, wife, mother, daughter. Maybe you can pick a certain time to call her every day and just start screening her calls. Just tell her when you call her that you love her, but you need to take care of yourself too. Good luck with the process. I'm sure it won't be easy.