Need Some Encouragement

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Hippo, Feb 16, 2003.

  1. Hippo

    Hippo New Member

    Hi, I don't post much. I have had CFS/FM for 20 years, and my husband is divorcing me. I am slowly becoming accustomed to the idea that he is gone and that we have lost our home and are living in a much smaller place. However, the thing that bothers me most is the alarming downturn that my health has taken since he left. A lot of people told me that he was "toxic" and that I would feel better if he left. Well, the exact opposite has happened!! I feel the worsening of my health is due primarily to him attempting to claim that I can work full-time and trying to cut off financial support. Now that I am one full year into my divorce, it is looking more and more like he will not be able to get away with what he is trying to do, but the stress is terrible. To make matters worse, my 3 kids all have health problems. Every day is a struggle just to survive. I still can't believe the man I married turned into an insane creep.

    Hippo
  2. camelgirl

    camelgirl New Member

    Hi Hippo.... I'm so sorry to hear about what's going on with you. There isn't much that I can say that will change things, but I'm here for moral support and to let you know that things WILL get better. I'll be praying for you and your children. Try to keep the stress to a minimum if at all possible, OK?
    God Bless and soft hugs, Dena
  3. Aussiegirl

    Aussiegirl New Member

    I hear your pain Hippo.....I am so sorry that your husband is treating you that way.
    I will add you in my prayers today.
    In time you will probably see that it was the best thing him exiting your life but remember one thing .......What goes around comes around........one day he will be sick and the boot will be on the other foot then.
    So look for the sun and remember that everything in life is for a reason even if we dont see it at the time.

    God bless

  4. susabar

    susabar New Member

    You are going through a very rough period in the divorce process... I have been there. Things will get better I promise eventhough it seems like it will never end. You need this like you need a hole in the head right now. Take care of yourself first, kids second , and everything else last...
    Bless You
    Sue
  5. Hippo

    Hippo New Member

    I am very touched by everyone's kind words, I appreciate it so much.

    Hippo
  6. fibolady

    fibolady New Member

    dear hippo,
    the stress of a separation and impending divorce is horrible, no wonder it is affecting your symptoms, i am sorry you are not doing better during these difficult times. since i am in the same "boat" with creep number 2, i can relate to some of your difficulties. the only way i make it through each day is to try and focus on the day at hand and not get too far down the road, this relating to divorce and my health issues.

    try to find some material on ways to deal with handling "stress", meditation has really helped me. i have found a new friend that has really made this difficult time easier. cutting ties with some of the old stressors and replacing them with people or things to do that you enjoy may make your time now a little easier. try not to focus on the "creep", which i know is hard to do, as much, this helps a little.

    not real scientific advice, just some suggestions from the heart that you will have better days ahead.

    warm regards, fibolady
  7. Bambi

    Bambi New Member

    If you really want to know the man
    you are married to, divorce him! It's
    true too I think. My ex of many years
    ago was bad enough before the divorce
    but really showed his colors AFTER
    the divorce. It happens to many of us
    at least once. You have yourself and
    three kids to take care of and HE is
    irrelevent! ANY marriage breaking up
    has to be mourned, so give yourself
    that..but as soon as you can feel a
    little better, let the kids have a
    picture if they want one in their
    rooms, but put HIM away all over the
    house if you can. Find somewhere to
    meet new people if you don't have a
    close network or family nearby and
    it will ease with time. I only had one child when I got rid of "it" so
    I can only imagine your difficulty
    with three and all ill! Bless you! One baby step at a time and SHOW him
    He was the loser by being the very
    best for yourself and your kids you
    can be. I just hope your pain subsides some but considering the stress, DO rest all you can, be GOOD
    to yourself, anything you wish someone would do for you do for yourself! Best wishes! Hugs, Bambi
  8. Beth37

    Beth37 New Member

    Hi,Hippo,Yes,it's no wonder your symptoms are worse.I know that a divorce is very stressful.Stress sure makes me feel worse.Hang in there,if he's as bad as you say then he's not worth it.It takes awhile but things will get better.It may not seem like it now,but it will.Hang in there and keep posting.Take Care! ((((HUGS)))) Beth
  9. healing

    healing New Member

    I was divorced almost 20 years ago and it was the best thing I did. Although I went through a long stretch afterwards of financial stress and no dating, I did meet a wonderful man and now have a good life with him.

    That said, this is not about finding a wonderful man; it's about building your own life. This is genuinely the worst time you will go through, but as others have said, it will get better.

    Just remember that although he may have asked for this divorce, he's as stressed as you are. Neither of you is thinking clearly or reacting well. This will pass. Try to be true to yourself and not get caught up in acting like a creep back at him. You can come through this with your head high and no regrets.

    Take it one day at a time. You don't have to resolve all your problems today or even tomorrow. Trust that the world is good, and turn to your friends and community for support.

    We are all pulling for you!

  10. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    You won't feel better til the stess from this hideous situation is resolved. Please do everything you can to reduce this stress. Rest more and go to the doc to document what this is doing to your health. I hope you are using an attorney. If you cannot afford one, check with your local ABA to see who does pro-bono work in the community.

    There is life after divorce and it's a better life, but until you are completely rid of this man, the stress will continue. I will pray for you both, but honestly, I think he needs the prayers more than you do. He will have to answer for his shabby behavior. I also pray for your children as I know this can't be easy for them either. Bless you.

    Love, Mikie
  11. Hippo

    Hippo New Member

    I do so appreciate everyone's kind words. And to Mikie, yes, I have an attorney, and yes, my health situation is well documented. Unfortunately, we are going to have to have a divorce trial just on the one issue of spousal support. Very ironic that my Ex divorces me because he can't stand it that I am sick, and then turns around and claims that I am fine and can work full-time!!! Really appreciate the comment about if you want to find out what somebody is like, divorce them. SO TRUE. My Ex's behavior is just deplorable, and he has sunk way lower than I could have ever imagined. My 13-year-old may have CFS, and I have 9-year-old twin girls with ADHD/ODD/OCD. Thank you to everyone for the prayers.

    Hippo
  12. stillafreemind

    stillafreemind New Member

    I have missed reading your posts. I hope you are getting rest and taking care of yourself. You will feel better..but I think it will be after everything is said and done.

    I have been where you are..but no kids..thought it looked pretty darned bleak..when I was not looking and when I least expected it..the love of my life appeared. Soooo..be strong and follow all the wonderful advice that you have gotten here..AND when you need to vent...get back here!

    Saying a prayer for you and yours..
    ..Sherry
  13. bluebirder

    bluebirder New Member

    I am sorry you have to go through this. I may end up in the same boat. Hubby does not support anything I do or my health care costs. Emotionally it makes it so hard to cope with illness like this without the help of family. Those who have supportive husbands are truely blessed. Those of us having a hard time will have to decide what is best for us.

    I am getting ready myself to have our Church Elders step in and give us some guidance. Sort of feels like they are the last hope for our situation.

    When support at home is missing the support here on this message board and support groups takes on added value. But the most important support system for me is my relationship with God. All means of support we can muster are important. Don't forget to support yourself. I am trying real hard in this areana too.

    So we can take each other by the hand and help each other by listening! Simply never give up and you will find relief. THE ONLY FAILURE IS FOUND IN NOT TRYING!!