Need some encourging words Mom has really hurt me..

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Shelle16, Dec 25, 2002.

  1. Shelle16

    Shelle16 New Member

    Hey everyone I need help on how to handle my hurt feelings and to go on.Last night when arriving home from my grandmothers I logged on to this great message board that we have here.I find myself wanting to come here alot.Well anyway my mother says what are you already doing on the computer?When I told her I was on the Fibro message boards she made a big joke out of it and said"What does everybody do just get on there and see who hurts the most"I tried not to act hurt but the more I tried to explain these boards to her the more negitive she would talk laughing and smiling about it the whole time. So I just told her to forget it. it tells me she doesn't have a clue about what is going on with me. Don't get me wrong I do have a great mother(I'm living in her house}I do work full-time and try to do all the grocery shopping,cooking,laundry,etc..Because I have Two daughters living here also.I don't want to burden her more than I have to.I've always just ignored it the past but after last night I can't shake it.SHe has already gotten mad at me for falling asleep this morning about a hour berfore lunch that she wanted to fix I could have took it or left it the way I feel.Sorry so long.Just really needed to get all of this out.I hope someone can give me some help.

    Shelle
  2. selma

    selma New Member

    Please show her your post. It's hard for family to realize what you can and can't do. I waited a long time before I took care of me. My family, most of them didn't believe it at first, because I did soo much in pain and exhaustion which I didn't tell or express to anyone. I really punished my body, and mind. Please Please Please be honest with your whole family about how you feel. I committed the sin of Omission. You sound like it's time for you to take charge. Your Mom sounds very intelligent and providing her with material, or leaving it around the house, or accompanying you to a knowledgeable Dr. will help her to try and understand(which many Drs. don't) these DDs.
    Love and prayers Selma
  3. LisaMay

    LisaMay New Member

    Words certainly can hurt us. Not knowing much about a particular situation makes people nervous and they lash out in strange and unlike themselves way. I would keep trying to educate your mother on your illness. Maybe having her participate in a doctor appointment will help some. Don't give up because you really need her support in order for you continue helping yourself. Sometimes our emotional side is on the high fence during stressful times (like now during the holidays). Think about it over the next week and come up with a plan of attack.

    You can do it! Lisa
  4. Shirl

    Shirl New Member

    It it sad, but normal people just don't understand this illness. Does not matter if you are related to them or just people you know.

    I believe what makes matters worst, is that we don't look sick. It is so hard for some to simply take our word for what is hurting, or that something serious is wrong with us.

    I gave my grown children books on Fibro to read, I read an entire book to my husband, every morning for breakfast, he got a few chapters. That seem to get their attention completely.

    I get so sick of people telling me; 'Well, you don't LOOK sick', that I stared replying to them; 'Well, I don't have a problem with my LOOKS, its my body that is hurting'!

    Do try and get your Mom to read some material on Fibro, I found that the best way to solve the problem. Or, like someone else said, have her go to your doctor with you, and let him explain just what you live with.

    After my husband and daugher read about Fibro, they both wanted me to get a computer (the support boards were mentioned in the book), they felt that I could learn more on my illness, and the research is so plentyful too.

    This computer was my Christmas present two years ago, for the sole reason for me to be more informed with Fibro.

    This is the first board I got on, I get the URL from Pro Health's catalog, as I also got the name of Pro Health from a book too! So I was familiar with their products, and was taking them before I came on this board.

    Your Mom sounds like a lovely lady, she is just not compassionate because of lack of information concerning this illness.

    Maybe if she would read some of the posts here, it would give her a better understanding of how you really feel. After all, all these people can't be imagining they are this ill.

    It was very hard for my family/friends to understand, as I was a dynamite person, I did everything for everyone I knew.
    I also keep going and was in pain, just like you stated. But after I got older, I just couldn't keep it up anymore.
    I never got a nights sleep, I didn't eat properly, I was always on the go, and just didn't stop till I finally crashed two years ago I was fighting a losing battle, actually I had Fibro for twenty years, and fought it untill two years ago!

    I hope you get this understood by your Mom, I know how hard it is for you.

    Take care, and make that effort to educate her and your children. We are not complainers, we are really ill!

    Shalom, Shirl







  5. ssMarilyn

    ssMarilyn New Member

    Oh boy, this is a tough one. As long as you're living under her roof, you have to pretty much put up with whatever she says. My mother has a rather sarcastic attitude about my FM too, and gets her verbal digs in when she can, but I just ignore it and consider the source. It used to hurt me, but doesn't anymore, in fact, I couldn't really care less about what she thinks. Thank God I live in my own home! If I were you I'd be outta there so fast it'd make my head spin!

    Marilyn :)
  6. jlouise

    jlouise New Member

    Shelle,
    It took my mother almost 8 years to finally understand my illness, and at times she is still a bit confused by my symptoms. She is 75 years of age and has more energy than I do at 45. A woman at the senior center she goes to told her, a few months ago, how debilitating her fibromyalgia could be, and it was like Eureka! That is what my daughter has been telling me! Recently my brother was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis and it further concreted her awareness of immune system disorders. The issue is currently, why her children have the illnesses that we do. My sister died 30 years ago with an immune system disorder. My family is still trying to understand these disorders(I also have Psoriasis, Asthma, and Endometriosis). Several days ago I posted a message, "My son doesn't understand"... You may want to read that message and the replies. I am still dealing with this, I hope one day everyone will understand. Feel free to share this message with your mother, good luck.......
  7. fibolady

    fibolady New Member

    critized me logging on to this board as a problem for him. why do people who do not understand "us" feel so threatened when we find a place we can come to find information, companionship (yes through a computer board!), something we can do that will not physically make us feel worse (if we don't stay too long)plus, i have gained valuable information that no doctor ever helped me with. so there!@

    it seems most of us with fibromyalgia have a common thread, we are more sensitive to other people's feelings and would never do the same. we did a thread about 6 months ago about sensitivity, it was interesting.

    needless to say he is an ex right now!@

    warm regards, fibolady
  8. Shelle16

    Shelle16 New Member

    Thanks for all your replies I am taking all of them in cosideration. I'm going to think everything out very carefully before trying to explain anything or let her read anything I know ignoring the problem is probably not the right thing to do but it does seem the easiest intil it happens againn. Thank you all so much! Happy Holidays!It really good to know that someone understands!

    HUGS
    Shelle
  9. LauraLea

    LauraLea New Member

    I didn't read all of the replies you received so sorry if this is repeating, but I think a lot of people who don't understand make jokes about things that make them uncomfortable.

    She doesn't know how to deal with it and having you under HER roof probably doesn't help things for you either.

    I would tell her that yes it may seem funny too you, but it's my cheap therapy, oh wait therapy implies that it's mental to most people. Just let her know you are logging on the say hi to a few friends. It's not her business even if you do live with her.

    I don't know your story, but I hope you can move out soon.

    Just remember people deal with things in different ways. I was once your mom I must admit I didn't know how to deal with people who were sick. Now I am in the care giving industry who knew this would happen. Even though it's hurtful remember she is the one with the problem not know how to accept your DD.