need some help

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by clairey, Nov 4, 2002.

  1. clairey

    clairey New Member

    i am a daughter of someone that suffers with chronic fatigue syndrome, and i would like to ask for your advice on how to help her.She is a very independant woman so she finds it hard to accept help or ask for help.She has good days and bad days,sometimes she only has to do a bit of gardening and she is completely shattered for the rest of the day.she is on anti depressents-she was on a small dose at first then the doctor put the dose up which improved her energy levels and made her feel better for a while but then she returned to the way she was before.she has just had the dose put up again and we are hoping it will have longer lasting effects.i know that she would like to come off them but does not have much of a idea what other treatments are availiable-can anyone give her any advice.Not just about tablets to take,but also how to make her day to day life easier.Also is there anything i can do?
    I would be so gratefull if you could help me to help her
    thanks xx
  2. clairey

    clairey New Member

    i am a daughter of someone that suffers with chronic fatigue syndrome, and i would like to ask for your advice on how to help her.She is a very independant woman so she finds it hard to accept help or ask for help.She has good days and bad days,sometimes she only has to do a bit of gardening and she is completely shattered for the rest of the day.she is on anti depressents-she was on a small dose at first then the doctor put the dose up which improved her energy levels and made her feel better for a while but then she returned to the way she was before.she has just had the dose put up again and we are hoping it will have longer lasting effects.i know that she would like to come off them but does not have much of a idea what other treatments are availiable-can anyone give her any advice.Not just about tablets to take,but also how to make her day to day life easier.Also is there anything i can do?
    I would be so gratefull if you could help me to help her
    thanks xx
  3. Pat UK

    Pat UK New Member

    I am a mum with cfs, I think the best advice I can give is to be aware of your mums condition and watch for the signs of her getting tired and do any little tasks that will help out, she may feel she does not want to ask for help and will struggle to do it herself. I dont know if she practices pacing but it is a great help to us,there is some information on this site in the library [if you press on library and put pacing in the search box it will come up] if she gets tired doing the garden then perhaps someone else could do the heavy work and mum just does the minumum amount.We tend to think we have pacing down to a fine art but we must still do less than what we think we can. When we have been so independant looking after the family it is very hard to stop this. I was the same as your mum and done everything for everyone else now I have had to give up my job.
    I wish you luck
    Pat.
  4. achy

    achy New Member

    The best advice I can offer is to read, read, read. You do not say what kind of Antidepress. mom is on...Why doesn't her Doc switch her to something else? What works for one may not work for somebody else, so we can't reccomend medications...but there are many out there.
    Go to "search" on this site and look for CF info, there is a bunch of it, and you can realy on the info here.
    As far as making her day easier? YOur support helps ehr a great deal!
    I read a story about how to deal with your energy. Think of your day as a bowl of marbles. Each task takes a marble. When they are gone, you are done. This concept has really helped me. I literally have a bowl of old marbles on a table lol
    I know for me if somebody would just pick up after themselves would help a great deal. There is a marble saved. Doing the dishes, or puting them away is very exhausting for me. It'sd the little things that add up to big things.
    I wish I had a daughter as caring as you. (I don't have kids) Your mom is truely blessed
    Warm Fuzzies
    Achy
  5. jpswife_4boys

    jpswife_4boys New Member

    I am a mom with fm possibly cfs also. I too am very independent and find it hard to ask for help. I have always been the one to take care of the kids and the house work. Sometimes my husband just takes over for me when I'm wore out. The more you do for your mom and the more understanding you are to her is very helpful. Sometimes the littlest thing you do is the greatest help. Your mother needs to pace herself. She shouldn't do any more on a good day then she would do one a bad day. Tell her to get some espom salt and take a warm bath with it. It really helps soothe sore muscles. Offer to help her as much as possible. Better yet just do for her without asking. Sometimes just getting my little one a glass of water is very tiring. My other children help out with him. I really love when my kids come and sit with me and tell me how much they love me. Alot of moms feel guilty when they aren't able to do for their children as they use to. Reassure your mom that she is still the most important person in your life and that you are there for her. If she is not able to do for you like she use to let her know it's ok and that you understand.

    Crissie
  6. pam_d

    pam_d New Member

    How lucky your Mom is to have you, you sound like a wonderful daughter. Just the fact that you believe & accept her diagnosis & are desiring to help in whatever ways you can is very special----you don't know how many people here have an uncaring relative who won't accept that this illness exists, or believes someone is "faking" for attention, etc. so your acceptance & support means a great deal. If your Mom's meds truly help, I believe she shouldn't feel guilty about taking them at all; I feel quality of life for sufferers of FM/CFS means everything, and if her energy & comfort are improved, then it's probably the right thing to do. Day to day life is hard, because for most of us, each day is different--- and it's really easy to overdo it. Be there for her when she does overdo it, don't scold her (we've all overdone it by mistake) & just be patient with her. She's lucky to be able to be independent---but have such a caring daughter to lean on. Good luck to you both!

    Pam
  7. karen2002

    karen2002 New Member

    What a great Daughter! Simply coming here, asking for advice, is doing what she needs. We who suffer, need to know that our loved ones care and are concerned. Most of us have good days and bad--on the bad days, just be there to offer encouragement. Alot of us are mothers and we are so accustomed to being the caregivers, that we don't ask for help when we need it. If you see a need, just pitch in, your mom will be most appreciative. What a wonderful daughter. Your mother must be a special person, too, as she has raised such a caring person.
    Regards,
    Karen
  8. Shirl

    Shirl New Member

    Do take Achy's advice, you need to educate yourself concerning CFS, and you will be in a better position to help your Mom.

    We have a great Library right here on this board for starters, you will get a good insight on this illness.

    I have Fibro, and I know how your Mom feels, we like to do for ourselves, and not be a burden! But there are times I just can't help but ask for help from my daughter, she does not mind helping me, but I 'mind' asking her.

    It is very difficult for those of us who were such independent people to contact these illnesses that truly steal some of our independance from us! We do resent it, not people, the illness.

    You are doing just fine for your Mom, when in doubt just ask those who have been there or are there what to do.

    You are welcome to come here at Pro Health anytime for some advice, confort or just to let off a little steam.

    Hopefully you can get your Mom to join us, it would be a great help to her to meet others who are dealing with the same problems.

    Shalom, Shirl

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