Need suggestions: low self esteem/stressed because of finances

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by gerrijohnson315, Jul 12, 2006.

  1. gerrijohnson315

    gerrijohnson315 New Member

    I am having such a verry bad emotionally day and I thought that I would write on the board because since I have been on the site so many of you have so much wisdom. I need to use some of it.

    I haven't been able to work at all since February and haven't been able to work full time for over two years. I had been able to stay somewhat above water while working part time because I receive ss surviving benefit as a result of my ex passing away (we had two boys together).
    Well, now I only have enough money to pay the bills, like the mortgage, ins, car and there is nothing left. No money for groceries or gasoline. I make too much for food stamps but we do get state insurance. My fiance has been helping support me & my boys but since he started paying for everything--he is falling into a financially hole. My p/t work paid for the food (together we have five kids)and anything my two boys needed. I am feeling so guilty, so worthless, so tired and frustrated. I really don't know how to get over this. My condition continues to worsen. I am awaiting for an appeal hearing with SS.

    I am always a happy go lucky person, people rarely know how much pain I am in, but it is getting harder and harder to hide it. I find myself wanting to stay home more often. But my biggest thing is feeling so guilty about finances. Previous to my relationship with Greg, I have always been the financial backbone in my family (previous relationsips & marriage). I geuss this is working on my pride too.

    Please give me suggestions. I have heard it can take about 2 years with SS. I am at 18 months. I need help, please!!

  2. spacee

    spacee Member

    The only thing that I can think of to generate some quick money is a garage sale. And selling some of the kids unwanted computer games in the newspaper. We have a section that you can see things that value under $100 and it is cheap to place an ad.

    I can easily see that you are desparate to make it the next 6 months. Can the kids get baby sitting jobs or something to help out? Tutoring? Sports lessions?

    I have been through this. The feeling is horrendous. For me the only thing that helped was making the journey through it and getting it behind. It effected everything and I just could not be around people if I could help it. They were in such a different place.

    Maybe you have contacted your mortgage company and explained the situation? Sometimes they have ways to help. Refinancing an auto to get some cash or smaller payments?

    I have lived in this small town long enough to see many people go up and down financially. It is a grim time, I know. One friend was a lawyer, they had to trade their home for a smaller one, he drove an unairconditioned car in Florida for two years. It is so humiliating. But you just have to get through it.

    I care! Linda

  3. CFSpro

    CFSpro New Member

    HI Gerri, It sounds like there are two or three components to your situation. If the man you are with is your fiance then I assume that you will be married soon and will have to share expenses and responsibilities for everything so you need to start seeing yourselves as a team, rather than thinking of it as "his" money and "your" money. It is not up to you to always be the better bread winner. There is a give and take that happens in marriage and the roles change depending on things like a person's health status. If you can't work due to health problems you can't control, that is not your fault. I have no idea what your expenses are or what kind of lifestyle you are living but sometimes families have to temporarily change their standard of living in order to get through a lean time. If there is free financial counselling available to you take advantage of it. Take a look at your expenses and see where you can cut back, you may have to get creative. Some expenditures can be postponed. I don't think I have to tell you though that supporting five children is a big thing to take on. Is the mother of your fiance's children contributing to their financial care? If not, why? Do her kids live with you or her? You may have to consider a change in the living arrangements, for example, moving to a cheaper place. Try to look at the situation objectively and just make the choices that you need to make. If you bring emotions into it it will just make your situation look worse and make it harder on you. Lastly, don't live in fear. I am on a low income as well but every day I make myself feel blessed by thinking about what I do have rather than what I don't have. Greatfulness is a great way to dispell worry, stress, and fear. The others on this board have given you some great advice and suggestions. Life is constantly changing, remind yourself that "this too shall pass".
  4. gerrijohnson315

    gerrijohnson315 New Member

    All of the suggestions you guys gave me are excellent ones. I guess what I really need to do is focus on the good stuff instead of trying to figure out the bad and just get through it. I do want to explain, that getting used to being taking care of by a man is extrememly hard for me as I have never had it. That's one of my major blessings. He started dating me while I was sick and I was very upfront with him. He proposed to me while I declining. I guess it comes down to releasing control. I have no control of many avenues in my life now. I am used to being in control. My fiance is wonderful to me and my boys. Please don't think that he is a bad guy because he thinks of our money separately. There are just a couple more "mental" issues he has to overcome from his divorce, and that is one of them. We both have come a long way since we started dating (meaning in wanting to get married again-cuz neither of us wanted to ever get married again).

    I have had this disease for way to long and I used to be able to "control" what people saw, to "control" my body so I could work and function. Now, it's the opposite, my body tells me what's going to happen.

    I am just having a very bad week. I know "this to shall pass". Thanks for the support, I knew that if I wrote you guys would shake my head up for me.


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