Need support in explaining anxiety

Discussion in 'General Health & Wellness' started by bunnyfluff, Oct 14, 2013.

  1. bunnyfluff

    bunnyfluff Member

    Hi- I am looking for support and any articles that will help explain to my husband why any and all stress sends me into an emotional meltdown! He has high stress with his job (which I understand) but his 'energy' so to speak, which can be slamming a door b/c something I have said doesn't come out right, etc., overwhelms my system and I go off the deep end....screaming, crying and the effects can last for days.

    I am generally a happy and somewhat productive person when left on my own. I am getting to the point (maybe past it?) of just divorcing him to escape his energy. It makes me sad- we have been together over 30 yrs., but he acts like "why can't you just blow it off/get over it?" and I try to explain that the neuro pathways are broken that allow me to deal with any stress, but I, of course, do not explain things very well these days, and I think he would be able to understand an article about these issues easier than my explaination.

    Can anyone help direct me to some articles or websites discussing this? Thanks!
  2. TigerLilea

    TigerLilea Member

    I personally don't know of any websites as I've never researched this but I'm sure if you consult with Dr. Google you will find a lot of good info to share with your husband. Are you by any chance going through peri/meno? because that can be a really tough time emotionally for a lot of women as our hormones fluctuate. Good luck.
  3. jaminhealth

    jaminhealth Well-Known Member

    Very hard situation to say the least....being with your husband so long and now where you are with it all. I don't know about any websites and so happy that I'm alone in
    all this, I wouldn't want anyone to be around what I'm dealing with.....

    I need peace and a lot of quiet and able to walk away from
    stuff that can be stressful. I abhor crowds, but I am older anyway, and most older people I know and I know a lot, need peace and quiet.

    If you are alone all day, why not at least get into meditation work and keep your body calmed as much as possible...when he's home and around, etc. try to avoid as much as possible...I don't know how possible that is, but just my thinking.... I meditate daily just to work on keeping body/mind calmed.....good wishes. jam


    I know of stories of couples who ended up in divorce and both are much happier....it's a tough call.
  4. bunnyfluff

    bunnyfluff Member

    Thanks for replying! I have already been through menopause, and you're right- that did not make things better. I try to keep to myself as much as possible. I am thinking I would probably just be happier by myself, in a smaller town. I live in one of the largest metropolitan areas of the country, and try not to go out/engage with others very often. I only drive the back roads, etc. He refuses to discuss moving, even though he has many of the exact same issues but can't seem to see the forest for the trees. I guess it just makes me sad. But a lot of the time I feel like I just have to save myself.
  5. jaminhealth

    jaminhealth Well-Known Member

    So many partners are so selfish...I have a friend back East who has been trying so hard to get her longtime husband to sell their house and move to something easier to manivur....she has been dealing with so many steps from basement to upstairs...he would not hear of it.

    She's now in a county run home as she is in early stages of Alz....he visits her daily....another selfish man.

    My mom tried so hard to ge my dad to move to easier living but he would not hear of it either.....she's now gone (13yrs) and he ended up in a senior home which he "hated" and lived only a few months after that move.....

    Boy, it's so rough with marriages, a few good ones I'm sure BUT......hope you find some resolve and peace for YOU...
  6. mbofov

    mbofov Member

    Bunnyfluff - yeah, you might have trouble dealing with stress. You could have high cortisol from years of stress which ends up making it very difficult to deal with stress. Meditation is very good for this. There are other things too. There's the Adrenal Stress Index Test which will measure cortisol levels and adrenal functioning. Your adrenals may need some support. And I would bet you need extra pantothenic acid which is crucial for adrenal health and dealing with stress, together with a good B complex or brewer's yeast, which is high in B vitamins. You probably need extra B12 too.

    BUT - I don't think the main problem is that you need to learn how not to get upset when your husband behaves badly. When you say he slams a door because "something I have said doesn't come out right", you're blaming yourself for his bad behavior. This is really typical of people who are abused, and their abusers. The abusers blame the people they act badly towards for their behavior - "if only she hadn't said that, I wouldn't have hit her - it's all her fault". There's an excellent book called "Why Does He Do That: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men" by Lundy Bancroft - I cannot recommend this book highly enough. You're blaming yourself for your husband's bad behavior - not a good thing! And he probably blames you too.

    I left my marriage of 20+ years because my ex never accepted CFS as being real, he would be sarcastic etc. And it wasn't until I realized that I deserved to be treated with respect that I was able to leave him.

    So you might have some physical problems, but the more serious problem seems to be the way your husband is acting. The solution is not to be able to handle being treated badly without getting upset. The solution is to realize that you deserve to be treated well, with respect and consideration (and vice versa of course), and see where you go from there.

    You might try some counseling, but do get that book. I have a sister who was in an abusive marriage and I told her to read the book and it blew her mind. She was always making excuses for her husband - he had a bad childhood, etc. But that's BS. People who act badly towards their spouses somehow are able to act okay when they're around other people or the cops, say. There is no excuse for treating someone badly.

    Good luck -

    Mary
    bunnyfluff likes this.
  7. bunnyfluff

    bunnyfluff Member

    You know, I have thought about this a lot. And a lot of times I know in my heart I have spoiled him badly over the years and any time I try to put myself first he has issues. But I feel like this is my time now. I do see how it is abusive, and a lot of times I think "what is wrong with me that I put up with this and do not find someone who is truly supportive?" It makes you question everything you think you know.

    I do have to say he is sick, too. A lot of the reason I stay is b/c he has no family at all, and since we have know each other for 34 yrs now I guess I feel responsible for him. I know I'm not responsible for his happiness, only mine. And I'm not sure I can be happy and stay too.

    Thanks for the book suggestion!
  8. Davidsmith009

    Davidsmith009 Member

    You can meet with any of the psychologist. Always think positive, Psychologist is a person who helps your husband to recover from anxiety or depression. You also help your husband to recover from this problem. Check state wise list of psychologist.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 17, 2014