If you don't want to read my scream/post...just click off of this right now. I'll leave a good gap between the body of my message here so you won't have to see any of it. I want to scream. Just scream . Allow me to do this on this board please. AAAAAGGGGGHHHHH !!! I am in such pain, weakness and body sickness and haywire nervous system feelings right now. Just the same as I have been for the last 14 months. My shoulders feel like they are seperating from their sockets. The back of my neck in the disc area is like a hot knife is in there. My legs are so sore and weak. Ankles, knees, sides of legs, even hip areas. My arms and forarms and even hands too. Hard to type, hard to keep my hands up on the steering wheel half the time! And to think 14 months ago I was FINE !!! My body is so weak and tired and sick feeling and just haywire feeling and this makes me scared and depressed and discouraged...because I have felt this way for 14 months now with no relief ! But, most of all I want to scream at the inability to get better study and treatment during my 14 month long struggle here. I don't mean pain medicine like vicodine or anti-inflamatories. I don't mean anti-anxiety pills and anti-depressants. All these temporary with side effects and addiction problem band-aids are as easy to get as candy. And doctors hand these out like candy. I believe doing so makes them feel somehow more justified in their charging you to treat you when they can't find out what is the main cause and reason for all your mind blowing pain and weakness and other incredible medical problems. They constantly give you tons of these addictive band aid agents ( usually free samples ) to temporarily lobotomize these parts of your system to chemically block your sensors from feeling this pain. We are not even talking about help for the weakness and all the other symptoms. I take these things when I am about to pass out. But I am tired of putting "band aids on major wounds that never heal." And beyond this band aid approach, it seems so common ( based on thousands of similar reports like mine ) that when American doctors can't find what is wrong with you they either put you off, dismiss your complaints as exaggerated or psychologically caused ( often in an irritated or condescending way ) and refuse to send you to more well staffed and clinically equipped facilites to get more thorough studies and treatment done. This ending your search-and-recovery road here is my biggest scream! AAAGGGHHHH !!! And I don't know where else to look for more hope and real help in a clinical way! Here is my experience: I live in a fairly well to do area but it is not very populated. There is a limited number of doctors here and most don't even take my insurance. If you don't hit it off with say the local GI group...and they bounce you...there is no where else to go unless you want to drive 50 to 100 miles a way. This GI group did drop my insurance as well as saying they couldn't do any more for me. Since GI problems have been a big part of my suffering, you can imagine how traumatic and devastating it has been to have to find GI doctors so far away and to have to schedule and drive so far away to get even simple tests done. This has happened with several other specialties I have needed to seek out for testing. Like so many of you...I have developed these incredibly disabling medical maladies and immune system problems. Seemingly out of nowhere ( although I seriously believe these started after I took a 7 day course of a super powerful broad spectrum antibiotic called Levaquin when my electrolytes were already out of balance ) And on top of these it has been an added incredible struggle to organize getting seen and tested on my own during this last nightmare year when I could barely walk, was in so much pain I felt like I was dying and felt like I was going to lose it from all the stress, anxiety and depression. Add complete financial devastation to boot. And all in an area that is so limited in doctors and highly trained specialists and well equipped facilities. But, I have done the best I could do and I tell you. If I put this much time and effort and expense in any other area I would have a college degree by now. I give myself credit for fighting through all these obstacles. But I am hitting a point of exhaustion and dispair and hopelessness now. And this is the reason for my last big scream. AAAAGGGGHHHH !!! No doctors here can yet say ( after 14 months ) why all these devastatingly painful and disabling symptoms have all taken hold in the last year. I have been in such dire conditions of not just pain but weakness and nerve system damage and endocrinology problems ( I have been diagnosed with super low B-12 levels and low testosterone recently ) and even perhaps electrolyte or blood sugar imbalances. I have developed bronchial asthma, sinusitis, I now have scarring in my left lung. I have torn roator cuff, fractured vertebrae, tendinitis, and so many other symptoms like GERD, gastritis, you name it. But all I ever get is...We see these diagnosed symptoms, but we can't see why they have appeared and taken hold all at once...so here, take these anti-anxiety meds and these anti-depressants and go home" Go home ? Go home to suffer and realize these docs won't do anymore for you? But what I have been begging all of them for a year now...is to get me to a university hospital setting where they can retest me in every area all at once in a facility that is much better equipped and staffed to study and evaluate everything more thorougly! So that I don't get a random test here one month and then another one two months later and the doctors don't even get together and share their feelings about what they see. And so often doctors have misdiagnosed what they are seeing! My asthma and lung scarring and sinusitis and GI problems and torn roator cuff and fractured vertebraes were ALL MISSED at first by primary care doctors who were dismissing my complaints of pain in these areas as " depression!!!" I had to ignore their dismissals and make appointments "on my own" with specialists and "only" because of my doing this ...were these very real medical problems discovered! If I had listened to my first 2 or 3 pcp's I would be curled up in bed at home, doped up on sedatives and anti-depressants and telling myself that all these pains I was feeling must be in my head. I would be almost crying out in pain and thinking I was crazy at the same time! Talk about shaking your confidence in our medical community. The quality of diagnostic talent here stinks! My care here has been so disjointed, so scattered, so misread and so purposely limited it's a crime! And I can't get one doctor in this smaller community to refer me to some super staffed facility where at least they can combine all these studies and do a better job of reading the results ! It' almost as if their egos just can't allow them to do this. I can't figure out any other reason. And PLEASE ! Quit with the anti-depressants and anti-anxiety pushing! I want to find out what has happened to me and HEAL IT !!! Not keep numbing my sensors. I have personally called and e-mailed most of the top research and treating medical university hospitals around the country and they all say the same thing or never get back at all. "You must be referred here!" You name it...Mayo Clinic, Cedars Sinai, U.C.L.A., Stanford, Harvard....I don't know how else to break out of this small town-good-ole-boy, limited but nonreferring situation here. I suppose if I were rich I could just show up at their doors and tell their admissions clerk I am paying cash...and I think then I might get taken in. But I don't have even enough money for anymore co-pays here! I have even contacted senators and congress people. They never get back. My insurance company says they leave it up to the doctors. I have told them many times it would be more efficient if I just went to a great facility and had an all at once and more thorough study. But they just say it has to be done through a doctor. So, here I am ...wondering what to do now and in my year long pain. Just wanting to scream at the blocked access to better care and study.