Need to stop therapy, uncomfortable :(

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Chelz, Feb 6, 2012.

  1. Chelz

    Chelz New Member

    Hi everyone, I haven't been on the boards for a while. Too much stress going on, so tired, etc. etc.

    I decided to give "talk therapy" another try. Oh boy, what a huge mistake. I will not go into a lot of details, but I have to say, me and this therapist do not click at all, as a matter of fact, this has to be the worst ever.

    First of all, is therapy suppose to make you feel patronized? I feel so patronized by this woman. She talks down to me, and this is what I was afraid of to begin with.

    I still think there is such a "stigma" as far as mental health therapy goes, and seeing this therapist proves it. She keeps mentioning my "anxiety and depression", I am not ALWAYS anxious or even depressed all the time. I have a hard life, anyone would be depressed with that. Also, I do work full time, take care of my elderly mother, who by the way, can drive me nuts, but that is another story. She keeps saying "we have to find a way for you to cope with your illness", but her tone is patronizing, and for the record, I have been coping with my illness for decades, she is not telling me anything that I don't already know.

    Also, last week she gave me a worksheet to fill out. Every time I feel upset, or anxious, I need to write down the time it happened, a brief description, and my feelings. I did do this and brought the worksheet with me when I met with her on Saturday, she asked me what did I have in my hand, I said "The worksheet you wanted me to do? She forgot about it? I thought that was unprofessional.

    I guess I am just one of those people who just doesn't like to "spill the beans" about my life to a therapist. Two of them that I saw came across the exact same way, patronizing, almost like as if I didn't have a brain in my head, it pissed me off, sorry for the language. I am done with this.

    My next issue is, how do I tell her I do not want to continue therapy with her? There is a lot more, but I won't go into it. Hugs to all and also, miss you all too. Chelz. PS, so far I have gone to three sessions and spent $35.00 for each, what a waste of money that I don't have, and time.
  2. poetrist

    poetrist Member


    I 'feel' you and have been there as well. I often wondered the what ifs when I had decided to stop seeing a therapist because we just did not click or I felt less than human or unintelligent. Just weight the pros and cons: money, insurance, travel, time-off, your best interest... the latter is the most important.

    If you can afford to switch therapists, do so and do not place yourself in more unnecessary worrying. Tell this therapist why you are going elsewhere and again, do not worry about your opinion or what she may think of you. One thing I despise in people is when they think they know me or they place a label on me when they just met me.

    Try the internet for reviews on therapists made by patients. They have this for the area where I live and I think this may help you with your decision.

    good luck; blessings

  3. mbofov

    mbofov Active Member

    Unfortunately, a good therapist who you "click" with is hard to find. All you have to tell her is that the therapy is not working for you, or that it's not a good fit, that you don't feel comfortable working with her, and that's all you have to say. You don't have to go into great detail. You're paying her.

    And I'm sure it makes things more difficult trying to find someone who understands or at least tries to understand FM and CFS.

    I saw a lot of therapists when I was younger dealing with childhood abuse stuff and most really did not know what to do. I highly recommend finding someone who does EMDR (eye movement desensitisation reprocessing) - it's a therapeutic technique which is extremely effective in dealing with trauma and stress, also anxiety. I dont' know your issues but you might want to look into this. Go to for more info, or just google, and the main website does have a list of practitioners who are trained in this technique. My life really started to change with EMDR, and it works much quicker than traditional talk therapy alone.

    Best wishes,

  4. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    First, yes it is important to click with your therapist, but it appears that you have felt patronized with more than one. Are these therapists really treating you with less than respect for your intelligence or are you feeling patronized due to your discomfort with talk therapy? Please know I'm not criticizing you or taking sides here. I'm just posing some questions as I've been fortunate to have had therapy available to me over the years and it has been a life saver. I had a couple of shrinks who did not click with me but most of them did. Therapists often approach patients carefully because they never know when they may step on a land mine and open an old wound too harshly.

    I would suggest you tell your therapist that you feel her approach makes you feel patronized. If she gets all defensive, you know she's not the right shrink for you. On the other hand, it just may open up a dialog on a better level. You recognize that it's difficult for you to open up and I'd suggest you also tell her that. It's the stuff we don't like to talk about that we usually most need to talk about. It isn't easy but it's a two-way street between therapist and patient. She may be waiting for you to get to the nitty-gritty. Good luck.

    Love, Mikie
  5. Chelz

    Chelz New Member

    Hi everyone, and thank you all for your posts. For Mikie, I have a discomfort with talk therapy when the therapist "talks" down to me, other than that, I wouldn't have such issues with the therapy.

    Actually, now that I think back, the first therapist I went to is when the patronizing started. I told her I did not want medications because the meds caused extreme weight gain and sooooo many other problems, she barely looked at me while I was talking and basically dismissed what I just said. She told me I wouln't get better unless I took meds, and this was on the very first visit she saw me, so obviously, this horrible experience I had with meds was not validated or even believed by her. Her approach was cold, and once again, like as if I didn't have a brain in my head.

    This other therapist I have now seen THINKS she knows fibro, she really doesn't. She also dismissed by med problems and she would talk over me whenever I tried to say or explain something, so in my opinion, that is dismissive and patronizing.

    I also have issues with my 83 year old mom, and she asked me if I had her evaluated for dementia or Alzheimers yet, I said no, that I couldn't deal with that at the moment, then she started to tell me what dementia and Alzheimers was all about..................unless people are living under a rock, they pretty much know about these things. She knows I work in a hospital and see this kind of thing a lot since I live in an area with a large geriatric population.

    This therapist also tends to look at my nails, my hair and my clothes while I am talking to her, does she think I don't notice this? It's condescending to me.

    So, anyway, I do understand what you are saying Mikie and I do appreciate your feedback, I just feel that when a person has a chronic illness and anxiety and depression that can, at times, go along with that, it can make one feel vulnerable, and at least for me these therapists make me feel childlike and talked down too. So, that has been my experience with them.

    I will take your advice if I can get up the nerve to tell her she's patronizing, LOL, I do not want to offend her, but I feel in a roundabout way she is offending me. I think a therapist is supposed to help one feel more secure and empowered and they are the ones who come across as the power ones as far as I have noticed.

    I know therapy can make one feel vulnerable, I can handle that in time, but just because I have problems and am unhappy with the way my life is turning, doesn't mean that I am less intelligent, and that is the way they have made me feel. Thanks again Mikie :) Hugs, Chelz.

  6. Beadlady

    Beadlady Member

    for a referall of a good therapist?
  7. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    It does sound as though you've had very bad luck finding a competent therapist. The behavior you have described is very unprofessional. I'm so sorry you haven't found an understanding and caring therapist. I know that there are a lot of shrinks who are sicker than their patients. A lot of people with complexes go into careers where they want to have the upper hand: Teaching, medicine, business. One of the reasons so many bussinesses are so stressful to work for is because only the worst, most aggressive, people get to the top. My Dad was a doc and he hated other docs with a God complex. He cared for and respected his patients and they loved him. Too bad there aren't more like him.

    I hope you can find a good therapist. My last PCP was a nurse practitioner and she was very condescending and athoritative to me. I asked her whether I had done anything to upset her and she flippantly said, "No." I told her she acted as though she were offended. So, I figured she had a problem and I found another PCP. You can learn a lot about them by asking about how they are treating you. Good luck.

    Love, Mikie