Need To Vent about Finances and this DD

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Empower, Aug 24, 2008.

  1. Empower

    Empower New Member

    Okay, so I am feeling bad enough as it is, that I can't work (I am on SSDI).

    I had a very good job (made more money than my husband) that I had to quit about 6 years ago

    I am trying to find a "work from home" job, but we know how that goes.

    Well, hubby decides to rant and rave today about how we have no money and why is that (he wants to know)

    He tells me I have to cut back on running the dishwasher, washing clothes, can't buy that candy bar that I love and that makes my day at the grocery store, blah, blah, blah.

    WELL, I take off in a huff and when I cool down and come back, he is gone. As I went to the basement, I notice his golf clubs are gone!!!! I am BEYOND furious, can't even describe the fury I have in me right now.

    I can't buy a $1.25 candy bar, but he can go golfing!!!!!! We all know how expensive golf is!!!

    It is SO hard for me not to work, spiritually and financially. I HATE being dependent upon him for money, like a kid, asking for my allowance.

    I am very depressed about this. Believe me, if I was well, I would be divorced, but can't even do that, because I would never make it on my own.

    I feel very very trapped. Can't even afford to go to a therapist at this point.

    Sorry, just had to vent

  2. Empower

    Empower New Member

    For listening and Happy Belated Birthday

    I am a Leo too
  3. justmestephd

    justmestephd New Member

    I know if this marriage of mine doesn't work out I will never ever get married again and will stay by myself. I did it before and would find a way to do it again sick and all!
  4. Crispangel66

    Crispangel66 New Member

    I wish everyone were as lucky as I am. My hubby has never treated me like that.

    He understands I hurt all the time, today I was working washing clothes and putting them away, washing dishes and putting them away and he warned me that I would hurt but I kept working with school being tomarrow I wanted things to be put away in order and he was right of course.

    He loves unconditonally and I wish there were hubby's like that for everyone.

    I will pray for you and him.

  5. Empower

    Empower New Member

    Thanks all for listening to me vent

    Grammy 27, I had to thoughts EXACTLY. Hmmmmm, that will mean LESS work for me to do, as you said, I can do my laundry (I don't have as much as his)

    Since I have to cut back on groceries, that is less cooking to do (PB & J and Cereal works for me)

    I can sit like a Queen!!!
  6. Empower

    Empower New Member

    OMG, you are funny

    Thanks, that made me laugh this morning, and it takes alot to make me laugh this morning

    For the past couple of nights, I have not made dinner and when he asks "what is for dinner" I say, "PB&J or cereal

  7. Janalynn

    Janalynn New Member

    Not a funny situation but you guys sure had me laughing with some of your suggestions!

    I'm like crispangel and have a wonderful husband. Yes he has his flaws and he gets on my nerves, like I'm sure I do his (ha)My husband just lost his job. Golf was definitely his passion. He hasn't golfed once and I know he's wishing he could. My Mom even tried to hand him money so he could go.

    It doesn't surprise me that your husband went golfing or to do anything that cost money. Very often people do that -it's almost a "I'm going to do it anyway" type thing. Have you ever noticed when you have money, you can't find anything at the store, when you don't have anything, suddenly you see tons of things you want?

    Financial troubles stink (I could use a much stronger word!). They are very tough on a marriage. Although wrong, it's not uncommon for people to lash at each other as opposed to being rational, showing understanding or working together to either change things or accept them.

    Except for the money issues, how is your relationship otherwise? How was it when you were working? Maybe he feels like he can't support the family like he would like to and he is frustrated and being a jerk about it? I don't know - don't know the situation well enough.

    At any rate - you can vent any time you want! Believe me, even with my 'gem' of a husband, there have been times I've wanted to scream from the roof. As a matter of fact I may be on here soon venting myself! =)
  8. tjwestie1

    tjwestie1 New Member

    You need to vent, as if this fibro wasn't bad enough, life itsef can make you nuts and the fibro and wham a major melt down ensues. I go though a lot of them. Sorry you are having a bad time. Hope things are better soon.
  9. kellyann

    kellyann New Member

    I'd go buy a case of the candy bars and eat them right in front of him! I'd let him do the dishes and the laundry too!
    He just sounds horrid! I hope you get out of this mess soon! Or he gets a good wakeup call!

    I am so sorry you are having such a hard time!

    Your friend,
  10. munch1958

    munch1958 Member

    My DH is wonderful most of the time. We lived together for 17 years before getting married 2 1/3 years ago. Most of the time men just don't get us women. Empower, it's too bad that you are going through this!

    I feel like I'm always asking for my allowance too. I just HATE it. I finally suggested that he give me all of the household expense money at the beginning of the money to budget out as I see fit.

    Sometimes I feel physically up to going to the store or just want to get out of the house. But he's not around
    to dole out funds which is even more irritating. Or he has my van. I could drive the pick up but it doesn't have cruise control so it's not comfy for long distances.

    Since Lyme, CFS, and FM treatment are so expensive almost all of our money "discussions" end with nasty comments about me being high maintenance. All true ( I confess!) because I simply don't want to look as bad as I feel. I'd scare little children.

    The DH considers the money that I spend getting my nails done at a salon "wasted". I decided to get a full set of gel nails as a treat when I started on heparin shots twice a day. It was just the perk up I needed to make me feel good about myself.

    My own nails split and peel all of the time. I've had a thyroid and growth hormone release problem since
    childhood. Plus as a kid I had a severe Lyme rash that was diagnosed as eczema or contact dermatitis.

    I've always felt my hands were one of my worst features. Now they are one of my best because I get compliments from others about the color of my polish or the length of my nails. Gel nails changed the shape of my hands. Now I enjoy looking at them for a change instead of hiding them behind my back.

    For the first time in years, I wasn't resorting to food types of treats or chocolate as a reward. This is a HUGE amount of progress to me as I've always battled my weight. I'd just lost 30 pounds and felt so much better about myself to begin with.

    I needed all new clothes too but didn't go out and buy a whole new wardrobe of expensive designer clothes. I've added some pieces that I love and focused on buying a wardrobe that fits and looks nice ala Stacy and Clinton.

    Grammy's suggestions (and a few others from the other wise people on this thread) cracked me up! As bizzare as the suggestions are the messages get through to the men. Humor works better with my DH than anything else.

    My guy thought all I did all day long was read, watch TV and movies, spend time on my computer and lie around the house all day long. This changed after I broke some disks in my back. My doc ordered total bedrest.

    You wouldn't believe how fast the laundry piled up. Our home became a messy house in just 5 days. It looked like a clutter bomb had exploded.

    There were meals to cook. Then there was the dreaded dishwasher (loading and unloading), taking care of the pets, gifts to buy and wrap, cards to send for friends and family, laundry, vacuuming, dusting, etc.

    Everything that he didn't think twice about (or took for granted) wasn't getting done. After a few weeks of this, he finally asked me how I managed to do it all so effortlessly!

    I struggle with the feeling trapped part too. I'm stuck in a uncooperative body that I hate. It's hard to have any self esteem when you have these illnesses.

    Try concentrating on your good points. Make a list of the reasons why your DH is lucky to have you! Stop feeling like your a damaged goods and focus on the things you are good at or reasons you both still want to be together.

    Look at all of your bills. I found by cutting satellite dish service and premium movie channels to the 2 TVs we don't use because we favor the big screen I found some ways to cut corners.

    Cutting back on driving is another good one. Gas money is insane! We also cut our home garbage pick up and now drive our 2 bags (we have a trash compactor) a week into town to dump in the dumpster at our business. We were paying on two accounts.

    I'd also call the golf course and get an idea on how much is being spent. Then multiply it out for the year. When he suggests cutting back hand him a list of candidates for cutting back.

    When he sees his golf fees per month figured in there with your $1.25 or $37.50 per month for candy he might drop the whole nasty thing.

    I try to give him an alternative and always present a cheaper solution when it's something I want. For example mulch for my garden is $2 a bag. We can buy a pick up truck load or a cubic yard for $24. It sounds like more but when I say I'm getting 4-5 bags for free by buying in bulk he doesn't mind parting with the money.

    My DH seems much less angry if I throw out a few ideas a month from my list for saving money. Just small doable changes like cutting out Netflix for 6 months are enough to make him feel like I was making an effort. I hope this helps!

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