Need to Vent about Inconsiderate Friends

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by diva42597, Aug 7, 2006.

  1. diva42597

    diva42597 New Member

    Hey Everyone!

    I've been on and off this board for some time now. Tonight I am simply throwing my thoughts into the void for no other reason but to vent about one of my formerly close friends who is a very selfish person.

    We have been friends for about 5 or 6 years now. She is the type of person that calls and talks for hours when something is wrong in her life, but does not reciprocate if I have a problem. She has always been like this. I recently moved cross country from New York to Nevada (Vegas) and I was content to leave the friendship in New York because she is such a selfish person and I feel that I am giving so much to her and not getting ANYTHING in return.

    To my surprise, we actually became closer with the distance and she ended up coming to visit this week with another friend of hers. Unfortunately, all week I have been their cheuffer, maid, tour guide, and general servant. They were upset when I told them that things were tight and we didn't have a vast array of food in the house even though I volunteered to drive them to the supermarket.

    The complaining continued all week. From the location of the bathroom to the fact that my fiance and I were not planning on giving up OUR bed for them to sleep in. We don't have a guest room, but I told them this before they made the plans for the trip. We do have two of the most comfortable couches in the world, but that was just not good enough!!!!

    I feel like I jumped through hoops to accomidate my friend and that not only was my effort not recognized, but it was not even enough to please them. She even had the nerve to call me the day before she came to make sure I had cleaned the house thouroughly and locked my cat up in our room (she doesn't like cats...not allergic...just doesn't like them).

    Today I hit my boiling point. After putting up with all of their crap all week and neglecting my job responsibilities to make sure their needs were met, my friend had the nerve to yell at me. I had given them directions to get somewhere and they did not follow them correctly and they got very upset saying it was my fault. I yelled back and hung up on her. At this point, I don't care if I lost a "friend" she is not a friend or at least not a good friend with her behavior. And, oh by the way...she also is WELL aware of my FM and still put me through all this. Some people just don't think of others. Oh well, one friend lost another gained. :(

  2. PVLady

    PVLady New Member

    I was deeply hurt by a person I thought was a friend who was actually just using me. I helped her start a successful business, and she would not have a business if not for my intervention to help her.

    Once she had all she needed I never heard from her. She was very insincere. I have now accepted and let go.

    I recently heard from her via email and just deleted her message. No more using me!!!
  3. rachel432

    rachel432 New Member

    with everything that we go through the last thing that we all need is to put up with toxic people. i'm so sorry to hear that this person is treating you this way. the best thing you could do is let her go back to new york and promtly lose contact with her. life is to short and to precious to deal with people like her.
  4. CarolynAnne

    CarolynAnne New Member


    I know the feeling. I also had a "toxic" friend like this. Believe me, you are better off without her. It sounds like she "premeditated" this visit - knowing just what she could get out of it. Did you know/ever meet her friend she was brining? Was this a visit to see you or for her to entertain her friend at your expense?

    Is she gone now? Did she even thank you for letting her stay? Its sounds like she was "All about me."

    Know its not the quanity of friends you have, but the quality of friends you have. Get rid of the waste, life is too short.


    [This Message was Edited on 08/08/2006]
    [This Message was Edited on 08/08/2006]
  5. onlythestrong

    onlythestrong New Member

    How's the saying go"Friends like that who needs enemies"!
    Sounds like you would be alot better off if you told this friend to go jump in the first lake she comes to.
    You sound like a very caring person don't let her bring you down.
    Take care,
  6. libra55

    libra55 New Member

    is not a friend at all, she is a user. if she calls you again, be "unavailable".

  7. justlooking

    justlooking New Member

    Sounds like she expected you to be a hotel with service. It doesn't sound like she came to visit you, but Las Vegas and wanted a free place to stay along with free meals and taxi service.

    I agree with the other poster who said she should be taking you out to dinner, as well as contributing to the food they are eating. Also there is no reason you should ever have to give up your bedroom to a guest unless they need it more than you due to health problems. If they wanted more than a couch to sleep on they could have brought an air mattress or stayed at a hotel.

    I always tell my kids to be a good guest if they ever want to be invited back again. I believe a good guest offers to assist in costs, cleans up after themselves, provides the host with a present of appreciation during the stay and always offers to assist in the daily management (helping to cook, clean, etc).

    Your friend was a bad guest and should be told so. If she gets defensive or upset, no big deal, you know where your "friendship" stands and if she realizes her mistake maybe your friendship can be salvaged. Sometimes people only change and learn consideration and responsibility when someone calls them on their bad behavior.

    Good luck
  8. KMD90603

    KMD90603 New Member

    I can't believe the nerve of your "friend." You were nice enough to allow her into your home while she visited, and she was so ungrateful. You definitely don't need a toxic friend like that in your life.

    I definitely can relate as far as having selfish friends. My best friend and I have been best friends for about 8 years. We've been extremely close, practically sisters. We've been through thick and thin together, however, recently she's been extremely selfish. Within the last 2 years, she met a guy who's an alcoholic, bipolar and has been physically abusive. They are constantly going back and forth between not talking at all, "just friends," and back together again. Everytime something goes wrong and she's depressed, she comes crying to me. I normally don't mind, except that for 2 years all she ever talks about is this guy. I can barely get 10 minutes in about my self. When things are going "good" with them, I'm lucky if she calls me once a week. And God forbid I needed to talk to her for support.

    It's extremely frustrating, and I can relate to how you are feeling. I'm starting to realize that I don't need this kind of bad energy in my life. I've distanced myself from her quite a bit, and I've told her that I don't want anything to do with him. I have even stopped calling her. Instead, I let her call me. Surprisingly, she called me today. She did end up talking about him a bit. But I think she could tell I was getting frustrated, and she ended up asking me how I was feeling. What a change!

    I think if she is a true friend, you should be able to tell her how you feel. If she really values your friendship, she'll take into consideration how you are feeling. She may become defensive at first, but you should be able to talk to her about what you are going through.

    Gentle hugs,
  9. getfitat40

    getfitat40 New Member

    Most recently for me it was a work 'friend'. I been at my company for 5 years and have not really connected to many people - my department is rather odd, so I missed that connection. I tried hard with a person here but my theory is if the relationship is harder then the payback (ie: compassion, help, etc) then it is time to let it go.

    The last straw for me was her asking permission for me to take a long lunch for her b-day. She asked my boss (she is very aware of the issues I have with him) if I could take more then an hour for my lunch. I am 44 years old and I don't need someone asking permission. She thought that because she really wanted me to go that asking him would be cool - right. And as I type this it sounds like kindergartners and I am glad I removed any engagement in this friendship.

    You are better off without this woman! It is so hard to make friends as we age isn't it? Nancy
  10. Empower

    Empower New Member

    I am sorry to say that it sounds like they used you so they could have an inexpensive vacation

    Their behavior is appalling

    You don't need people like that in your life
  11. Lalania1970

    Lalania1970 New Member

    Sorry to hear about the friendship being so hard. But by the sounds of it you are better off without your so called friend.
    I have also lost a good friend due to beck and calling to her and then one time I couldnt give her a ride (4 hrs one way) she got all pissy and I havent heard from her since.
    I have found for me, men make better friends than women as the women I have became friends with are either users or back stabbers. I have 4 good male friends that support and understand what I am going through and I support them also.
    Good Luck with your new life in your new place. Heads up!!
  12. sisland

    sisland New Member

    I know this sounds strange but it's very true that what goes around comes around!! so i'm guessing that she will get taken advantge of one of these days and she and her friend will know what it all feels like!!............................Take care of you! Stand up for yourself! you'll be surprised what a firm "No" will do for your peace of mind !.......................................Hugs..................Sydney
  13. I'm just gonna go ahead and start. So my best friend, who is cooler and better looking than me and knows it, knows I have a crush on a girl. So what does the guy start doing? Texting her, snap chatting, and now hanging out with her. He doesn't understand how that makes me feel. Her and I were so close before they met. Now it's like she likes him more and it really really SUCKS. Last night they went out for sushi. Yet he's still like "calm down we're just friends" yes. I know that. And that's perfectly fine. What's not fine is that you blatantly and in considerately started to go out and hang out with this girl you KNOW I LIKE. Of you ever see this I want you to know that you are A TOOL-DOUCHE XLXL