Need To Vent

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by janie056, Dec 30, 2006.

  1. janie056

    janie056 New Member

    I am having major back surgery Jan 17th, I've been in a flare for a week and tonight my husband says we never have sex anymore!
    If I do I cry for two days with the back pain, I've told him that. He knows how I am stressing about this surgery, and all he can say is, it's always something isn't it!
    I'm so pissed off at him that I called him brain dead. I know not nice but it just came out.
    I asked him to help me get the laundry out of the basement, did he? NO, I even made him dinner and cleaned up in so much pain I was going nuts. I took an extra pain pill to get through it.
    He works nights and does not do one thing around here, he thinks because he works he should not have to.
    I don't know what to do. I just want to get this surgery done and hopefully the pain will stop and if not I don't think this marriage is going to last.
    He is a spoiled brat, all his life he was mommies baby, never had to do a thing.
    Sorry, just needed to get this off my chest when he left tonight.
    He might just want out of this and is afraid to say it, I don't know.
    I just do not need anymore stress at the moment, I need support, but he does not give it!
    Maybe I am answering my own questions as what to do.

    Thanks for reading this,

    Happy Crappy New Year,
    Love to you all,
    Jane
  2. mindbender

    mindbender New Member

    my wife just bailed out on me a few days ago. i'ld say from ohio to kansas city is a pretty sure sign she's not coming back soon. she also to my 3 kids with her.

    i worked the first 12 yrs of this marraige [spl] she ended up having to get a job. she was a stay at home nagger.

    my carreer never amounted to much so we've always had a lot of stress. i'ld say neither picture has great ressults.

    dan,
    i hope things get better
  3. ETN

    ETN New Member

    I kind of know how you feel. It sounds like we have the same hubby.
    we just had our 16th anniversary yesterday and you would think he would get that I am not the same person as I was years ago.
    I have been really sick since the birth of my last child in 99. Since then it's just been a nigthmare.

    I have 3 kids and hubby works. I worked up until about 3 years ago.
    For a long time my hub kept telling me I needed to go to work. I was like ya and how is that going to happen.
    We have been struggling financially but I always tell him that things work out and they always have for us.
    I am waiting for my hearing with disability. I have gotten a lawyer. I applied in Aug 04. My lawyer thinks she can win it without even going to the trial .
    I have so much going on. Fibro,CFS, neck injury, back injury which I am still treating both of those. From a lovely car accident 2/1/02. What a nightmare that was. That threw my fibro into a whirlwind.
    I could go on and on but I am not going to bore you.
    Hang in there..keep your chin up...believe me I know what you are going thru and it's NOT FUN
    Hang in there ok...
    write back if you want to chat
  4. PVLady

    PVLady New Member

    I hope your husband has other redeeming qualities because it sounds like he is very inconsiderate.

    I mean, is sex all that matters when your spouse is facing surgery and suffering with pain?

    I would also be be angry, but we always have choices. You may not always have the pain and disability - but you will remember his inconsiderate behavior.

    It seems like marriages fall apart brick by brick - not one thing but alot of things like this.

    I would stop doing anything for him and focus on taking care of yourself. In your condition, he should be making your dinner, cleaning up, basically everything.

    Your job right now is to take care of yourself and prepare for the surgery.

    After you recover from your surgery you might think about some major life changes. You deserve better.
  5. MelaC

    MelaC New Member

    Hi Jane I can imagine how much pain you are in as I also suffer the severe back problems. I to have had a couple ops done and most lie will have to have another one in the very near future. What are you having done?

    Unfortunately once husbands have been spoilt by there mothers and then marry and are still served hand and foot there wives there is no hope of changing them. I guess its up to you to decide if you are willing to suffer and serve him hand and foot or whether ending your marriage and just coping with the pain. As you say you don't need the added stress now especially when you are about to have a major operation and have fibro to contend with.

    My hubby was also a mama's boy but I changed that from when we met. My boys help as I have made a point of making them pull there weight. When I am sick or had surgery they take over what I would normally be doing. I think it is very important as it also helps them for when they move out someday or when they get married.

    If hubby doesn't want to help you then just leave everything in a mess you shouldn't be doing all the chores with your back let alone your fibro.

    I guess all boils down to the the things you can change and the things you can't changing what you can and accepting what you can't

    I hope your surgery goes well I will pray for you.

    Hugs Mela
  6. Catseye

    Catseye Member

    Janie, I'm so sorry, you make me realize what a saint I'm married to. My first husband used to whine if he didn't get it twice a day. If I had gotten ill with cfs back then, I would have died. That only lasted 3 years. I should have known better that a college girl is not going to last with someone who dropped outin 8th grade. I got him to go back for his GED, but he used to get mad when I was trying to explain algebra to him and he wasn't getting it.

    Actuallly, there were alot of things he didn't get. Once we got in a fight because I made the comment that raisins sure taste alot different from the grapes they start out as. He did not believe a raisin was a dried grape. I showed him the little Sunmaid raisin box with the lady carrying a basket of grapes. He still said I was trying to pull one over on him. I asked him "okay, where do you think raisins come from?" He said, "a raisin bush". I finally left and told him he needed a "dumb girl" to be happy.

    My Tony is a real saint. We,ve been married 11 years. I don't think we've even had sex this year and he doesn't complain and is in good spirits! I make jokes that it's been so long that my hole has long since closed up like an earlobe without an earring in it. And he says his "richard" has since atrophied and fell off.

    I'm recovering pretty fast and this should change real soon, but I am so lucky!
    He has fed me, carried me to the bathroom, done all the shopping and almost gave himself cfs from taking care of me for 4 years. Of course, we have no kids and that right there is alot less pressure.

    happy new year to you, too, janie, I hope it gets better for you

    karen
  7. janie056

    janie056 New Member

    You guys are great and I love it here!
    I will not make any decisions until after my recovery, which by the way is 6-12-weeks! I am sure he won't be looking to have sex during that time, if so I might have to shove a large spoon up his butt!
    I finally won my disability case a few months ago after four years and I wish I had taken my retro check and put it in my own name. We did have large bills to pay, most of them because of me, so after all was paid it is not enough to think of moving into my own apt.
    I do have some options I am thinking about though.
    I will have plenty of time after surgery to think about what to do. I wish I had a laptop so I can keep in touch. I don't know how long it will be until I can sit here and type after I am home.
    I will tell you all one thing, this is my third time around and the time I was single living in my own apt was the best!
    I had no stress, well not the husband stress, and I want that again.
    I've lost all my girlfriends except for one, my real friend, so I only have her, and she is busy with her own life so I don't put much on her, and I have my Mom, but she is almost 80 and I don't want to put ANY stress on her, she gets enough from my Father.
    Well I will keep you all posted and if anyone needs a roomie let me know. LOL
    I actually sent him a text message on his phone last night, saying I was sorry for calling him a name.
    It's not a good thing to call anyone brain dead, but, if the brain fits!

    Love and Happy New Year to all of you,

    Jane
  8. NyroFan

    NyroFan New Member

    Jane:

    I am so sorry you have to go through this.
    Hopefully you have talked to your doctor.

    Maybe your husband needs some time to get used to your being sick.

    Sometimes a doctor will write a note of the diagnosis for loved ones to see.

    Hopefully all will work for you. Make sure you get enough rest even if you have to do things little by litte, for example: dust as much as you can, then rest. Clean a little bit up, then rest. Finish the tasks at your own rate.

    You will be fine especially if you stay here on the board.

    nyrofan
  9. janie056

    janie056 New Member

    I;m not going anywhere. I consider this my home!

    Happy New Year,
    Jane