Needed Prayers for my family

Discussion in 'Spirituality/Worship' started by Lendy5, Feb 13, 2009.

  1. Lendy5

    Lendy5 New Member

    Hi Everyone,
    Me and my family are in need of prayers and I have tried holding this all in but I don't have no where else to turn. I really don't know where to start but I will try.

    Me and my husband are arguing everyday and they have been getting worse these past few weeks. He has a anger problem and I don't say that mildly. We have three kids 2 boys 11 & 16 and 1 girl 7. He knows he has this uncontrollable anger and for the past few months he has been going to a counselor for help but it's not been as frequent as we both would like. Its usually rescheduled or cancelled for some reason on the office part.

    He left us a couple years back (long story) and I thought it would destroy me but it made me stronger. After he left, me and the kids got along fine and I was feeling better. A few weeks went by and we would talk but about three months later we decided to give this marriage another try. When he left he moved back to his home state in Indiana. He wanted to come back home but I wanted to move up to start fresh so I quit my job and moved me and the kids up to IN. We started out ok and had to live with family but then we were asked to leave and stayed in a hotel for several weeks because we were homeless.

    We got a house and have started arguing everyday. I don't want to paint a picture of him being a bad husband because he's not. We are happy when we don't argue and I get so ILL over little stupid things and won't let it rest until he explodes. No doubt in my mind he would never argue with me and he is a great man but I can't get over him leaving me and the kids. Its like subconsciously I am trying to get back at him. I can't think of what else it would be. He works a fulltime job and wants to give me lots of love but I reject it usually. He has started getting irate when I tell him I'm leaving with the kids and will take my keys to prevent me from leaving. This scares me. He has never come out and hit me but has grabbed me a time or two. He says leaving him would destroy him and life wouldn't be worth living if he didnt have us. I can't get over the past and I don't want my marriage to end but what do I do?

    I have wanted to share this for a long while but have held it in and if anyone doesn't mind listening I would love to share where this started going wrong.

    Please let me know if this is the wrong board?

    Thanks, Linda
  2. Lendy5

    Lendy5 New Member

    I think holding it in has hurt me the most and has caused me to get cold hearted towards my husband. I am not making one excuse for him and his rage but I am questioning can a woman cause a man to get violent?

    A couple years ago my husband started downloading songs on his MP3 player and we would work together at picking out songs. I was working at the time and he has just got laid off. I seen him sinking into a depression and would approach him but he would deny it.

    I was so stressed after being told I shouldn't work again to me being the only one working and the kids were about to start school and needed their neccessities. My husband got pulled into the internet for the first time ever and would delay even getting off to eat dinner. I didn't have a problem with this other than I wanted him to start job searching. Gotta remember though I was thinking it was depression.

    One day I was home and I walked into his office and he let me in and I seen a picture on his screen. It was very hard for me but I ignored it and told him what I needed to tell and walked out. I thought about it and the hurt started taking over me and I called him and said give me an explanation of what I just saw. He had NONE. He did take me to his computer and showed me where the site had popped up but it hadn't been typed he said.

    The only thing I did have to go on was recently he had told me of this neat website that you could just stumble across and you never knew what next site was going to show next. I knew of this site but that didn't matter to me. He had told me about a week before this a virus had infected his computer. That part was truthful. I dropped it but as the days rolled by I started drilling him constantly and our marriage was falling apart. Here he was still getting on the computer and I wanted to know what was on it. I became obsessed with researching this site he had introduced me to and within days I found another username with his initals, age and location. I even had a username and then we had one together.

    I confronted him but he denied it. All I wanted was to hear the truth so I could have some closure but he never came clean. About two months later he left because he was starting to get angry with me drilling him. He didn't want to leave but he knew he was hurting me.

    Now since this over a year ago we did get back together and when we moved into our house he admitted it was his. I knew all along it was but shocked he lied for over a year about it. He said looking back he was so ashamed at what he had done and didn't know how to explain it because it was hard to talk to me. He said I blew it all out of context and made him out to be an addict. I had even gotten into his profile and looked at the content and thought it really wasn't that bad. I have heard men go through this stage but he hid it is what got me.

    Through all of our years together I had never had any suspicions of this type but since we got back together he hasn't touched a computer and said he didn't need it in his life because of what it had done to his marriage. He goes to work everyday to support us and is home within 8min of leaving. He has never been one to not come home. I always knew where he was which was usually with me. There is no doubt he changed for the better but it started detroying me in the process and broke my TRUST. I can forgive it but how do I move on.

    In closing I have started yelling at him and calling him words I never thought I would be capable of but I know I still love him. When I tell him I'm leaving is when he gets upset. When he gets to this point I refuse to let him walk away and he says this is what does it because he has to have time to cool down. I know he has done this but it hasn't given me a right to be the same. What I fear is him going overboard or was this just a faze that some men go through.

    I am sorry if this is the wrong board but I am afraid I'm creating a violent man that has not chosen to become this person and I new it was time for to ask for help and prayers.

    I don't have words to say how much I appreciate having somewhere to talk. Linda
  3. Doznclan3

    Doznclan3 New Member

    I'm so sorry that you are going through this. I've also been through a hard marriage...past.
    I was always on his case. I was very much wanting to change him, and it was to have him come to church with me, to believe as I did. Learned lesson.. how wrong I was. I so agree with CPB. Pray. You will find peace. Ask. He will answer. Whatever you need to do, for yourself, or for him, the answers will come. Pray in the morning, pray in the afternoon, pray at night. Keep the Lord in your heart all day. I believe that things will start coming to you. You want things right. Have faith. Faith that the Lord will help you. I didn't do these things in my past marriage. It ended. I was on my own for quite a while, with children. I really didn't think that I would marry agian. Then I felt that something was coming. Thoughts of more children, a child..all I could think of was, not! I wasn't ready then, but the Lord kept preparing me with these thoughts. Then, my husband of today came into my life. He had children, ahh, the children. We had a son together, ahh, the child. And then there were, the his, mine and ours story it is. But I found myself on my knees as CPB, praying with all my heart, soul, and mind, that his would work out. I learned some things from that bad marriage. I like to think that the Lord helped point those out to different times during the first part of trying to make a combined marriage work. Anyway, I found that complementing my husband does a lot! If he did anything around the house, no matter how small, he loved being told thank you. I found, I didn't need to win every argument, in fact, when I let it go, he would usually come to me to say sorry. Wow, how different things were in this marriage. Oh, it was hard to do at times, but I was still praying for help, and I got it. I didn't get it right every time, so there were times I needed to go say sorry. You've probably heard people say that to truly forgive, you have to forget. Hmm, not so sure about that. Maybe to truly see him as a son of God. To love him with that pure love of Christ. I'm sorry for going on. I've been through a lot the last few days, and it seems when I've come on here the last few posts or replys have gone on. I guess I'm like you, needing to vent, but have to say, that I've felt the presence of the Lord in my life these past few days. I know I wouldn't be doing as well as I am if not for him. I give the Lord credit for all the good that has happened lately. So, I guess I just want to talk about him. :) I feel so much love for you right now. You and your family will be in my prayers for a long while. Please keep us updated. Many Blessings.
    Love, Cynthia
  4. jole

    jole Member

    You two have been through a lot as a couple, and it sounds to me as though your hubby is trying very hard....he has changed a lot from what he was the first time around, and you need to give him a lot of credit for that. Going from the computer sites to no computer at all is wonderful, and holding down a full time job, great!!!

    It sounds like the hard part is pretty much over for him, and just beginning for you...the forgiveness and moving on. Perhaps you still haven't decided in your heart if you really, really want a life with him??

    If faith is an issue for you, perhaps the two of you could consider couple counseling? If so, please find a good counselor, and if the first one doesn't feel right for you, find another one. There are both good and bad have to search. Find one that is a believer....others are too swayed to just tell a couple to throw in the towel.

    After working through the issues together that you're holding in, maybe you can build a life together with Jesus as the head of your family....and then it will work beautifully. Yes, there will still be struggles, nothing in life is perfect, but with God as your leader, you will make it. If you really, really want it to succeed it's worth the work....and the heartbreak that no one should have to go through. We are tried on this earth, but can get stronger and better through Jesus our Saviour. Wishing you both the best***Jole***
    [This Message was Edited on 02/15/2009]
  5. Lendy5

    Lendy5 New Member

    Thank you all so much for your kind words. I have held this in for way too long and I think talking about it will allow me to hopefully start moving on from this.

    I don't get on the internet as often as I like to. We no longer have the internet at home and that was my husbands idea if it made me more comfortable. He said he was done with it. I usually come to the library to check my email and I am sorry I haven't been on until now. It's been a busy week.

    Also no I never had a suspicion of another woman. He never gave me a reason to worry. When he worked he was 1min away from our house at his place of employment. (could just about see him from our front When he wasn't working he and I were together everyday. I am not making excuses for him and I think he is truly sorry for the hurt he has caused in our marriage. He has been going to counseling for a few months now but we are currently searching for a new one.

    My husband never use to get angry but I think because he has seen it broke my trust I have seen him torture his mind over what depression caused him to go through and us suffering. Actually no he has never threatened me but I have him. This is a main part of his anger when I do it scares him. He hates for anyone to threaten. I get so mad at myself later but this has changed me and I want the old me back. I want to forgive and forget this and I pray everyday. When he left us he and I never went to church and rarely discussed the bible but while he was away he devoted himself to loving and living for the lord and was in church every Sunday. When we came up to be with him we have continued to attend church weekly. Even if there is a Sunday I feel sluggish he motivates me to go.

    Thank you all for the encouragement to keep going I really needed it and I think along with losing his job he sunk into that depression that wouldn't let go. He says looking back he can see he was not himself. I will check back tomorrow.

    [This Message was Edited on 02/19/2009]