Needed to talk and to get this out...

Discussion in 'Spirituality/Worship' started by Elisa, Dec 6, 2008.

  1. Elisa

    Elisa Member

    Have gone through another abusive event with my sister and Mother...and so deeply sad and hurt.

    I am pretty certain they literally hate me because I am disabled. I have CFS/FM (12 yrs and a fever for 1.5 yrs) and severe breathing/asthma issues (MCS contributes).

    Sister, who I have written about before, last time her boyfriend hit me. This time she shows up for a family event with massive perfume and we have to drive in an enclosed car 2.5 hrs each way to my Aunt's home for an annual dinner. My extended family comes from all over US. It is a big deal for us - and especially for my Dad (his family).

    Anyway, when my sister arrives at my parents home - she refuses to remove perfume or take her sweater off...(I ask her to just until we get there.) I tried to use personal air cleaner and two masks - but it is too hard and I had an asthma attack from the strong smell and the emotional strain.

    She raged and raged hate at me (before we leave) for 1.5 hrs and calls me the worst names I have ever heard, including fc (which no one has ever called me.)

    My Father falls silent and my Mother supports my sister - if you can even wrap you head around that - Cause I certainly can't.

    Anyway...we didn't end up going - which is so sad because i prepared for two months (christmas crafts for the little ones.) My poor father is so sad and devestated.

    I was afraid I would die...and now I am just devastated.

    I just can't understand how people can WANT to hurt another - under any circumstance.

    Because her boyfriend has been physically abusive to me - I never see her. But this was unreal - I feel like I am in shock. How do they live with themselves?
    I needed to get this out...sometimes I think I am just going to disaapear from the pain of all of this. I am going to go watch Joel Osteen (he often perks me up) now and check back later with you guys...

    Being disabled is so grueling and a tough fight for survival every day - but with abuse on top of it it feels unbearable.

    It may sound funny - but their behavior was so bad and evil I fear God will hurt them. I guess I must trust He knows what to do.

    I never thought things this bad could happen in my family. I have very traditional values and believe in loving and protecting your family no matter what.

    Please Lord help me and protect me.

    God Bless,

    Elisabeth

    [This Message was Edited on 12/06/2008]
    [This Message was Edited on 12/06/2008]
    [This Message was Edited on 12/06/2008]
  2. Sweetpotatoe

    Sweetpotatoe New Member

    Elisabeth I'm so sorry for what you have been through.

    What is happening is not right, Forgive them Father for they do not know what they are doing.

    Eternity is the goal, no suffering, hatred, injustice.

    I pray for your protection, watch Joel Osteen and build yourself up in mighty Faith, be good to yourself, You are the daughter of the King, He loves you with an everlasting love, He knows everything, I'm so sorry you have to live this way, Lord make a way for Elizabeth.

    In Christ.

    Cindy.
  3. Elisa

    Elisa Member

    Dear Cindy,

    I so needed to hear from someone and you replied and I burst into tears - which I had been holding back.

    Thank you so much for your words.

    I know the Father was speaking through you because I always say to myself "You are a daughter of the most High God!"

    Bless you so so much and thank you from the bottom of my heart. I was so lonely today...

    Your voice lessened my hurt!


    God Bless you,

    Elisabeth
    [This Message was Edited on 12/06/2008]
  4. Elisa

    Elisa Member

    Thank you so so much for your suppport and the kind words...they mean so much to me. I can feel in your words that you know how it feels and it is aweful.

    For me - I want no one to suffer - ever...I want to help when I can and yet...it is impossible for me to comprehend my mother and sister.

    I have a yellow lab that I love...and she is my family. And I feel bad even scolding her - because I never want her to think EVER that I do not love her. That is me... so I feel that way about my family. So I am devestated by the abuse - and can not believe they can do what they do and sleep at night. It is a horror story - so terrible that I have trouble just thinking about it. My brain hiccups - like it was a bad dream and just couldn't be true. It's the shock, I guess, and the time of year - when we all wish for happiness and joy.

    Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with me BDTMU516!

    God Bless,

    Elisabeth
  5. Elisa

    Elisa Member

    Oh Tiggy, you are a gifted and compassionate writer and friend!

    I so appreciate your thoughts and for sharing with me your experience. it is so easy to feel so so alone in this.

    I just want to run away - but am captive of this illness. Isnt that the truth...

    You are right the abuse is getting worse as I had read and was warned it would. I can't stop it and it is hurting me.

    They won't change and i can't change them or even help them understand...I think these are character and moral issues. Each one of us must choose in life what level we will fall or rise to...hurting others is the line in the sand.

    I guess I could live with not being loved/liked by my Mother and sister - BUT I can't live with the wanting harm to come to me (hurting me emotionally and physically).

    I wish I understood what would make a Mother or sister do these things...

    My parents have watched me suffer trying to breath so many times and ER visits etc. But my mother often was just cold about it - it is so odd. My sister never would even call went I was in the hospital. So there were and have been signs for a long long time.

    I knew as a child that my sister hated me from a very early age. I have no idea why. Maybe I am not easy to love and being sick - for fear of having to help me - they keep their distance.

    My mother tells me in a thousand ways what a burden I am - I have known for a long time that this is very bad for me. No one should ever feel that way.

    I have had a fever for 1.5 yrs and have gotten so weak it is hard to do much of anything. But this has made everything worse. My mother believes I just haven't tried hard enough or thought the right thoughts - that is pretty cruel too.

    Anyway Tiggy you are really an Angel and I am grateful for your sage advice - it really helps to hear your voice and it is comforting too!

    God Bless You,

    Elisabeth

    P.S. When I see the moon tonight I will smile and think of you and your kindness![This Message was Edited on 12/06/2008]
  6. Elisa

    Elisa Member

    Hi Tiggy,

    My Dad is suffering over this so much...I tried to talk to him by phone and he is barely able to speak...

    What a terrible situation - he is so afraid that he will lose my sister's love.

    My Mother actually buys gifts for my sister's boyfriend (the one who was physically abusive to me in Aug '07).

    Now everything is falling apart - I can't be around them. This is tough for me because I am disabled and I rec'd help from my Mother to get groceries. It is so hard to order everything you need on the Internet. If anyone has suggestions - I need them!

    You are so kind to help me and to offer me such uplifting words.

    Maybe you are right about my Dad - we are so similar that Mom and sis may have issues.

    Thank you for reminding me that I am loved.

    "I am a child of the most high God!" This is what I say to myself often...

    God Bless You,

    Elisabeth

  7. lrning2cope

    lrning2cope New Member

    Rejection is such a horrible thing. This is especially rotten because you already don't feel well . It just isn't right. These people are really the sick ones , not you. If your spirit inside is well with the Lord , then you are well and whole no matter what anyone says.

    I agree with Tiggy in all that she says and I thank God for her wisdom and ministry on this board. She is right about being a daughter of the most high. What a gift to have that was given by the Author of the Universe ! Nothing can top that !

    I will keep you in my prayers , and this will be close to my heart as I have suffered much rejection in my life and I emphathize a lot with this story . I am so glad that God in His Grace , Loves me no matter what.

    If God is for you , it doesn't matter what person stands against you . God is the victor in this life.

    Holly
  8. lrning2cope

    lrning2cope New Member

    I just found something really cool . I took a break from the computer and I found this in the "break room" I think this is a God moment.

    Confidence is ...
    " true condindence doesn't come from your looks ( they don't last) or your money ( your can't take it with you) or your job ( that isn't guaranteed tommorrow) or even from peace you find within yourself.

    True confidence comes from knowing that through Jesus Christ , God loves you without condition, without limit , no matter what. Through His love , you become the amazing woman you were born to be.( this is just as it is written in the pamphlet 'woman' )

    " But because of His great love for us , God , who is rich in mercy , made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions- it is by grace you have been saved . And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with Him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages He might show the incomparable riches of His grace, expressed in His kindness to us in Christ Jesus."( Ephesiaans 2: 4-7)


    Isn't God good ? He loves us , just as we are and we didn't do anything to deserve it , yet here He is and we get to bask in His Glory because of His Love.

    Holly

    Note : from a Lutheran Hour Ministries pamphlet. I am not Lutheran , but I sent for this pamphlet quite a while ago because I needed a boost of " True Confidence."link www.lhm.org
    [This Message was Edited on 12/08/2008]