Neighbors Not Understanding

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by TeaBisqit, Aug 20, 2008.

  1. TeaBisqit

    TeaBisqit Member

    I didn't leave my apartment from Friday till Tuesday, which is totally typical of me and this disease. In fact, if I hadn't had to take out the garbage and check my mail, I probably wouldn't have gone out for another few days. So, my neighbors across from me went nuts that they didn't see me. They started to bang on my door, and they said if I hadn't shown my face when I did, they were going to call maintainance on me. And I can't get them to understand that I'm too sick to go out much.

    It's like, on the one hand, I think it's amazing that these people who barely even know me are that concerned about me. They actually care a billion times more than my blood relatives care. But then on the other hand, it's like, can you please mind your own business cause this is my life and if I need to stay in and rest because your world is killing me, please leave me be to suffer in my pain alone, thanks.

    I've told them repeatedly that I have a bad immune system disorder. I might have to put a sign on my door, Do Not Disturb, I need my rest. I don't know what else to do, except inform the building's office that if I'm not seen for long periods of time it doesn't mean I'm dead. And if I'm not answering the door, it's because I'm just not well enough to walk across the apartment or deal with anyone. I pay my rent and bills, leave me be.

    It's bad enough that I'm really struggling now to do anything I need to do. I'm probably going to have to get someone in to help me in the not too distant future, but I just wish people would let me rest in peace.
  2. Juloo

    Juloo Member

    I think you should definitely inform your apartment's office of your situation -- if they are going to be getting requests from your neighbor to break in to your apartment, they need to know what the situation is. Surely you could set up a protocol with them if your neighbor gets crazy again...perhaps they could call you and leave a message (in case you can't get to the phone in time or are not answering) and give you 24 hours to call back.

    I understand that your neighbors are trying to be GOOD neighbors by caring that you are okay, they just don't understand your situation. My husband came home one day and found our neighbor skulking about in our back yard (our yard is fenced) trying to look in the windows -- she accusatorily asked my husband just WHERE his wife was (as if he's knocked me off and hid my body). All that was going on was that I was having a bad day and needed to spend time in bed, where I couldn't hear the doorbell or phone (and didn't want to!).

    Are you on the computer every day? If so, give your apartment office (and/or neighbor) your email address -- that would give them another way to contact you without breaking the door down.
  3. mylilcherub428

    mylilcherub428 New Member

    about it I do not see why they would be doing that unless they were worried mabe they had a sick neighbor before and they are worried

    I had a neighbor 2 doors down from me who only had one friend who visited not often and no family. I had talked to her one friend once and she said how worried she was for her she was real sick with diabetes and her family did not give a poop about her

    I was younger than and busy with my own life own life did not have time to get to know my neighbor one day I came home and took her out of her apartment she had passed out from diabetes and died no one knew for 3 days she stayed in her apartment after she died till her friend came and she did not answer the lanlord let the police in and they found her...

    I always thought if I had just taken the time to know her. Know I have a neighbor who is waiting on a heart transplant and is very sick. This time I have all the time in the world to be her friend and I am.

    It does not sound as thought they are befriending u but why would they care if they do not see their neighbor unless they thought something was wrong

    If u have not talked to them u should try and find out their motives if u think they are just annoying or nosy u should thank them for their concern and tell them how u have no one else to worry about u try to get them to know u would love their help if they are rude people they will go running the other way so they do not have to help

    and mabe if they are really caring and nice they were supposed to be sent your way to help you Mabe they are angels in diguise

    unless u already know they are annoying then do what I said try to befriend them get their help they will go running if they are selfish lol-Kim

    P.S. Too tired to change my message but read post again and relized u told them about your immune system disorder So they must be worried so mabe u should talk to them and find a way to let them know u r ok like others said

    but like I said mabe they were sent your way to help you...there are no accidents....Someone said mabe fate brought them to u if they are nice they may help u and understand other days u want to be left alone

    sorry did not get that the first time need a brain tune up with my next car tune up lol

    hey wouldn't that be nice if u could get a body tune up

    Lets see my eyes need an ajustment

    umm bowels need to be flushed

    joint fluid replaced

    spinal fluid is low

    and I could think of a few things that need a lift....

    Have a good day -KIm (again)[This Message was Edited on 08/21/2008]
  4. TeaBisqit

    TeaBisqit Member

    If I go shopping, my neighbor will open her door and make a comment as I'm bringing in my stuff. And I get annoyed. It's like, how is it your business that I went shopping? I rarely go, it's really hard for me.

    If I do my laundry, they ALWAYS know I'm in the laundry room. I think they watch the security camera channel just to know what everyone in the building is doing.

    It's like I said, one the one hand, it's good that someone actually cares if I die. But on the other hand, it's like, I'm almost forty years old, it's my life, let me live it. Which I'm barely able to do anyway. But what little existence I've got, I want to do it in peace.
  5. jasminetee

    jasminetee Member

    I want to be left alone too and nosy neighbors like that would bug me to no end. It sounds like they need to get a life. I just can't believe how much you keep having to put up with. I wish I had a good answer for you. The note on the door is good but that won't help when you're actually outside your place unloading groceries etc....

    I hope you get some more answers here so I can learn other ways to deal with this too. I'd like to know. It almost makes you want to get a Restraining Order- lol! But, I think that might be overkill.

    Maybe you can say, "Leave me alone." and just keep saying it. I know it's a drag to be put in such a position in the first place. It's not like you want to be the sourpuss of the neighborhood, you just want some peace.

    Oh, I just remembered that you sell Avon in your neighborhood so they're always watching you to see if their stuff came in. Oy! I guess then maybe you can say, "I'm not well today. I just need to get this done," and then add , "Please leave me alone," if they don't get the hint.

    After you try that, if they keep doing it, maybe you can just completely ignore them.


    [This Message was Edited on 08/21/2008]
  6. TeaBisqit

    TeaBisqit Member

    I just don't need this added stress in my life. It's no one's business how many times I leave my apartment. As long as I pay my bills and follow the rules here, no one should be bugging me. I take the garbage out, I change my cat's box. I do my laundry when I have to. I clean up after I cook, even if I'm dying cause I don't want another night of the giant mutant bugs. Can't remember if I posted about that here, but yes, there was a night of roaches the size of my hand in my apartment when they were renovating the apartment above mine. Not exaggerating on the size, they were that big. I am traumatized for life over it.

    I have to go into the management office tomorrow to bring them some papers I had to sign for the annual re-eval. I can mention what happened to them and just tell them it is typical of me to not leave the apartment for very long periods of time. Maybe it will help.
  7. Janalynn

    Janalynn New Member

    Hi there-
    To me you're kind of in a Catch 22. What IF something really happened to you, you're laying there thinking...crap, no one will bother to come get me???

    We had a very sad news story here about a Mom, disabled daughter and dog that all died in a condo. Mom had a heart attack, daughter who couldn't move, died from starvation/dehydration as did the dog, because no one bothered to check on them- although they all said they hadn't seen them in 10 days.

    I say straight talk or a note on the door is a good idea. =)

    Just for the record - I don't like nosy neighbors either. I used to have one. She'd run over every time I got out of my car to see what I was doing/where I'd been/what I'd bought...I'd have to make a mad dash into the house and shut the door!
  8. Empower

    Empower New Member

    I had to laugh (sorry) because I see you are from PA (like me) and people are just caring.

    I actually was kind of touched by your post. They are just going overboard. At least they care.

    I think the email thing mentioned is a good idea

    Take care
  9. mylilcherub428

    mylilcherub428 New Member

    Like I said then start saying how glad you are to have their help do what lots of our family members can't stand whine to them let them know you need help

    start sayin all this stuff you want help with tell them how you are desperate for friends

    Most would go runnin and if they don't well then make their annoyin selfs usefull LOL-Kim
  10. TeaBisqit

    TeaBisqit Member

    I just got back. Nearly fell once I got in the building. I don't know how much longer I can walk over there. It's across street and I walked very, very slow, and I still almost fell when I got in there. I just can't do the walking.

    So I told them all about the neighbors. She said Marie is in their office twenty times a day all up in everyone's business. She knew exactly who I was talking about. She said she feels sorry for me that I live next to them. She told me that if they do get a call, they usually try to get you on the phone first and they don't just walk into your place, they knock first. Let's just hope it doesn't come to that. I rarely answer the door. I only answer the door if I'm expecting someone. And I rarely answer the phone. I like to screen the calls when I can.

    It is a double edged sword. On the one hand, it's very important that someone does check on me because I do have a cat and if something happened to me, she would be left here alone. Plus, I'm honestly not doing so well physically. And it is getting to the point where I will have to get someone in to help me in the not too distant future.

    But then on the other hand, it's like I said. I don't want someone counting how many times I go out, butting into my business, watching what I buy. She even opens her door to stare at the mailman when I get something delivered!

    I'm not originally from PA, I'm from NY. And I grew up where you minded your own business. Totally different culture. New Yorkers are just like that. We're private people. I don't like strange people all up in my business.

    If they make a problem of themselves, I'll have to put a note on my door, and maybe even put in it that it is typical of me not to leave my apartment for days. That way if maintainance comes, they will see that.

    I am grateful that someone does care if I die, seeing as how my relatives have literally left me for dead, it's just I like my privacy, and especially with this disease. I need to rest, I need peace. The only thing that ever helps me when I'm flaring is lots of quiet and rest.
  11. cookie1960

    cookie1960 New Member


    Let the neighbors know that your life needs peace & quiet. If they are concerned about you (or just being nosey roseys), let them call the office rather then banging on your door. Let the office decide if a phone call should be made to check in on your safety. And let the office make the call - not the neighbors. It's none of their business what's going on behind your closed doors.

    Maybe this will be a compromise you can all live with.

    best of luck,

  12. jasminetee

    jasminetee Member

    at least you got validation from them that your neighbor is annoying. I say don't be afraid to ignore her, cut her off if she starts talking and tell her you need to go, etc....

    I can imagine those bugs you had to deal with and I'm sorry to hear that your relatives haven't been there for you at all.

    You have my complete admiration for putting up with all that you do and still staying sane. :)

  13. TeaBisqit

    TeaBisqit Member

    LOL, it's not easy. I didn't even post about my stuckup cousin who called me this week. She made a rotten comment that, "We're all Advanced Lyme, but we go on with our lives." Then she proceeded to tell me how she's jetsetting to two different states this month and back, and she was complaining that she has to go to yet another party this weekend. I wanted to punch her. She's not sick, never been sick a day in her life. She's married to a very rich lawyer. They have tons of money, an expensive home, kids, cars, swimming pool, and maids. And she's not happy with her life because she's too bored. UGH. I felt like saying, why don't you come here and see how the real world lives. I do put up with too much. Normally, I don't even answer the phone. I was waiting to buzz the UPS guy in that day, so I had to pick it up.

    In another week, I get the new TS2 codes, so the coding will keep me sane :D
  14. charming

    charming New Member

    I know the feeling in too much pain to answer the door or even answer the phone my boyfriend rings my phone early in the morning then ring my doorbell if I don't answer the phone he knows my conditon and I have to remind him how painful it is to walk down the steps in the morning geez give my body sometime stop comming over so early. but now i have to get up early weather im in pain or not because school starts this monday for our lil girl. shoot its gonna kill me too !
  15. jasminetee

    jasminetee Member

    I really don't know how you do it. I couldn't handle that at all. I can't believe the audacity of your cousin, and I have to say, people who are bored all the time just irk me. And the last thing you need is her treating you like that. I wish your family would be there for you.

  16. Crispangel66

    Crispangel66 New Member

    It would drive me nuts to be in your situation. I am lucky being married because they see him even if they don't see me so my neighbors know I am fine.

    But I would definately talk to they apartment manager because you need your rest. It is impossible to get rest like that.

    Maybe you could get some kind of print out about our dd and show it to your neighbors, that may help.

    Good luck to you. Crispangel
  17. TeaBisqit

    TeaBisqit Member

    I really think I'm starting to be convinced my relatives made a pact with the devil. Their evil and cruelty matches the size of their bank accounts. Nothing ever happens to these people. They don't get sick, they don't get divorced, they are blessed in every way possible in life. And yet they are evil, cold, and cruel with no compassion, nothing. I was lucky they helped me financially for a few months after my mother died, but they put me through hell for it. I'm not sure they helped out of a sense of loyalty to my mother, or because I was a new pet project. Probably alittle of both. They've mostly left me alone for now, just the occasional call or email from a cousin. And they are really only bugging me because they are bored and curious as to what I'm doing. But they aren't really interested, it's more like a nosiness.

    My branch of the family has had every hell heaped upon us. Me, my mother, my father, we all lost our health. We all lost our money. Things just never worked out for us. And yet, we were the good ones. My father is a Viet Nam vet who earned purple hearts in the war. My mother helped people her whole life and had nothing to show for it. And my life basically stopped when I got sick, but I've always helped people when I can.

    I don't understand the universe. Why is cruelty and power rewarded, and kindness and compassion seems to only meet with suffering? I'll never understand it.

    I struggle just to do the most basic things every day, while my cousins who are my age are blessed with every blessing in life. Yet they are completely selfish and self absorbed. It makes no sense.
  18. jasminetee

    jasminetee Member

    I know exactly what you mean. You see this played out here time and again. I think that's what the Bible means when it says that Satan owns this world. My connection to God helps me through situations like that. I don't have it as bad as you but I have many family members that I am either estranged from or just don't have much to do with and it is a very heavy weight on my heart as I love them all but I just can't put up with their abuse, nosiness, them wanting to "fix" me, their judgments, etc....

    I can totally relate to all you're going through. I'm in admiration of how well you handle all that you've been handed, and you still stay nice and caring and sane through it all. This is making you stronger and there will be better things to come for you, I'm sure of it.


    [This Message was Edited on 08/25/2008]
  19. TeaBisqit

    TeaBisqit Member

    Hugs :) As I'm getting older, I'm starting to see how certain things in my past prepared me to handle things that are happening now. It's weird, but I'm seeing the pattern now.

    My faith is strong, too.

    I've had relatives that wanted to "fix" me as well. But their idea of fixing is a far cry from what fixing really is.
  20. baanders

    baanders New Member

    Times are not like they were 100 years ago when people truely cared and had to rely on neighbors. Everyone had to rely on eachother. The closer we get in proxemity, the more evil people get. I moved into my neighborhood 3 1/2 years ago. No one has wanted to be my friend, no matter how hard I try. People in modern America are ignorant, and doubly ignorant to people with FMS. Don't ever expect anyone to understand what you're going through, except us. If anyone understands, well, then you have a miracle.

    Last week, I tried to get to know 2 more neighbors. I acted like I was a piece of trash, no respect for myself. I wrote my name, number on a beautiful card of paper and asked them to call me if they wanted to visit. I was as sweet as pie and smiled, even though I was killing in pain. One neighbor said, "I've been around sick people my whole life (that's why I'm nice to you)", as if I owed her something because i'm sick and she's healthy. I want to go around with a bumper sticker on my shirt "Mean neighbors suck."


    [This Message was Edited on 08/25/2008]