Nervous breakdown?? Kind of lengthy, but would love some input

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Kinsie, Sep 20, 2008.

  1. Kinsie

    Kinsie New Member

    I haven't posted in quite a while. Maybe some of the "old timers" here on the message board will remember me.

    I have had FM, osteoarthritis, and several other ailments that are associated with FM for many years.

    I wanted to see if anyone can relate to my situation, and how did you cope with it?............

    I really don't know exactly what a nervous breakdown is, but I think I've had one.

    Less than two years ago, I was laid off from my job I had held for 23 years. It just came out of the blue. Then, I had to give up my beloved little dog so she could live with someone else because she got very sick. I was told that she was picking up on my anxiety, and it was giving her horrible bowel problems (tiny little chihuahua). She was just like my little baby, but for her sake and mine I had to make the most heartbreaking decision I have had to make in long time. I had to let her go live with a lady that raises these little dogs, and is an expert in nursing them back to health. I only let her go because I was going to get her back when she was well ( or so I thought)

    We had been looking for land to have a house built. Right in the middle of this extreme anxiety state that I was in, we made the decision to have a house built. The minute we signed the contract with the builder I took what I call a "nose dive". I went into a horrible panic state about how much money it was going to cost. We live on investments, and just the minute we contracted to build the house the stock market started doing very bad.

    Right in the middle of having this house built, my mother had a stroke. Had to be in the hospital, then rehab, then I had to make all the decisions about putting her in assisted living, the whole while she was heart broken about having to leave her home. It tore me up every day when I would visit her,and she was so sad.

    Then, my husband's vehicle that was new (only a few months old), developed a problem that could not be fixed. We had no choice but to trade it in. We got a lot of our money back, but we had to take a loss.

    I could not eat, sleep, think straight. I had such anxiety I thought I was actually losing my mind. I finally went to the doctor. He prescribed Lexapro (which did nothing for me), and Xanax. He told me to try not to take the xanax for an extended period of time because I would become dependent on it. To just use it occaisonally.

    Thank the good Lord, nearly 10 months later, I am better. Not completely well, but much better. We are in our new home. It was just as I expected, it cost more than it was supposed to, but we love it. Although, the physical and mental state I was in the move was very hard on me.

    I hate to admit that I still cry every day over my little dog. She has adjusted to her new life, and is now healthy. I am reluctant to bring her home. I don't think it would be fair to disrupt her life again. But, I can't get over it.

    I must have become dependant on the xanax. I still have to take a tablet every day ( .50 mil.) I would love to get off of it the same way I did Lexapro, but I don't seem to be able to.

    I'm sorry this is so long. But,since I don't work anymore, and have no one to talk to but my husband, I sure would like to know if anyone else had what I call a nervous breakdown, when one event after another in a short period of time turned a regular everyday person ( other than FM, etc) into a shaking, panic stricken, racing mind type of person for a period of almost a year.

    Your friend,

  2. SkeptikSharon

    SkeptikSharon New Member

    Hi Kinsie,

    I don't know if I would classify what happened to me as a nervous breakdown, but back in 1998, I did have an extremely hard time of things (this was before FM). Within a year's time, I had basically been excommunicated from the religion I grew up in, lost my best friends (because of leaving the religion they were no longer "allowed" to speak to me), moved away from my immediate family in TX and moved to CA, moved in with my then-boyfriend, got engaged, was planning my wedding mainly by myself, suffering terrible migraines and ended up leaving the job I had. I ended up unable to eat, sleep or function for a while and was put on Zoloft and Xanax (.5mg 3x a day). I think the Xanax was really what helped me get back into the swing of things and I did use it for quite a while. It definitely helped me get through the wedding and all the other emotional stuff.

    I definitely sympathize with you, as going through that many emotional things in such a short period of time is so hard to deal with. It just becomes too much for both our bodies and our minds to deal with. I know it was really hard for me to get through (I was only 20 at the time, and didn't have a lot of "life experience") and I didn't even have the FM to deal with at the time, just the migraines mainly. I can't imagine how I would have dealt if I had full-blown FM at the time, the way I do now. Or maybe all that is what helped me get to this point. Who knows. =)

    The Xanax is pretty easy to become dependant upon and can be hard to get off of. One suggestion I have is to maybe ask your doc for a prescription of the .25 tablets instead of the .5 as a way to wean down. It will probably still be hard to get off of them, but that may make it a little easier.

    I'm glad to hear that you are doing better now and hope things continue to get better for you.

    Take care,

    Sharon =)
  3. goofgirl

    goofgirl New Member

    Hi Kinsie,

    Wow, when it rains it pours, huh? Sounds like you've really had a lot to deal with all at once. If you've ever taken a test about stress, you will know that you have many of the major stressors- relocating, changing or losing a job, having a sick loved one... you really got hit hard. Hang in there, and don't be so tough on yourself. The healthiest of us would have trouble with all that change, let alone with you dealing with your FM too.

    I think your little dog would be the perfect thing for you right now, you really should get him back! There is nothing quite like an animal we love to be there for us when we are sad or anxious. I don't think he would feel his life was being disrupted; he'd probably be thrilled to be reunited with you.

    Since you don't have many people to talk with, have you considered going to counselling? it really helps me to put things in perspective to talk to a professional person about what is troubling me. I know many people feel there is a stigma about counselling, but when you are going through a stressful time, it really helps.

    On a personal note, I have been through what I felt was a "nervous breakdown" early on when I started getting sick all the time with CFS, before I knew what it was. I had many stressful things happen at work all at once, with coworkers trying to undermind me, and I was just under so much pressure, and then had someone start yelling at me on the phone... and I just lost it! Started crying, couldn't stop, was hyperventilating and had to go home... it was an awful feeling! I felt silly, because people I work with saw me a total mess, but I couldn't help it. I'd had enough I guess. Since then I've learned to try not to take things so personally, and only be responsible for what I CAN do, but no more. The bad stuff? I just try to let it go and move on. Easier said than done most of the time, but I still try.

    Let us all know how you are getting along, ok? We'll all be keeping you in our thoughts!

    Take care,
  4. tonakay

    tonakay New Member

    I too have been through something similar in the last few months and also went to my doctor. He put me on buspar which has helped. Anyway... I agree with one of the above posters, go get your little dog, she will adjust to being back with you and love being back with MOM. It will help to heal both your hearts in the long run!

  5. CanBrit

    CanBrit Member

    Nice to see you on the board again. Boy, it sounds like you've had a really tough year. I think you've done awfully well under the circumstances, and even though you might not think so, you seem to have been on top of everything, even "breaking down".

    With out conditions, stress is so much harder to handle. It's a full time job just trying to take care of our health, pain and suffering. Throw in a job loss, loss of a beloved pet, your house woes and your mothers stroke.....well that's pretty much way over the top for anyone.

    My years been rather similar. I had to stop working earlier this summer. I had a concussion and shoulder injury in February that really messed me up, on top of my FM. Then we had to put down my beloved Sammy (16 1/2 year old cat) due to cancer. Driving to work and back became too much and my shoulder problems were not resolving, so my Dr has put me on short term disability (whenever they get around to paying me). Thank God my husband has a good job or we'd be out of a home.

    You're on the mend, take heart in that. It's going to get brighter and me.

    It's nice to hear (see?) your voice again.


    Eileen aka Canbrit
  6. greatgran

    greatgran Member

    Kinsie, sorry you have had such a hard time but so happy to hear you are doing much better.

    I won't go into all my details but my life has been and still is in a very stressful situation. Yes, I have had what I call a "nervous breakdown" don't think they call it that anymore. Whatever you call it, it is h---.

    As far as the xanax goes, don't worry if they help take them. I have been on them for 4 years now everyday. I take .25 four times a day, can take more if needed.

    I agree with the person that said you will know when the time comes to stop them.

    Several years back, before CFS/FM etc., there was some major family issures and I had a hysterectomy well the anxiety, panic came big time the doc put me on xanax. I was on the same dose I am now ,.25 four times a day . After about 2 years not sure what happened but I would forget to take a dose just didn't need it and it wasn't long before I noticed I hadn't had a xanax that day, so slowly my own body took me off them.

    Had no problems at all just one day I wasn't taking any .

    Now, with CFS/FM its a different story, I truly believe I will be on them the rest of my life as long as the doctor gives them to me. I have never increased my doseage, that doesn't mean I won't. The anxeity/depression is so different and worse since the CFS/FM.

    If the xanax helps and you need it take them and don't worry about dependence or whatever. I went thru that and my doc said if they help take them . They have been a good drug for me as I can't tolerate antidepressants.

    If your little doggie is happy and has a good home, can you just visit . I lost my little dog of 13 years in April and miss him so much so can relate to your sadness.

    Just my input and be so thankful you are feeling much improved.

    God Bless,
  7. Kinsie

    Kinsie New Member

    You don't know how much I appreciate your replies to my post. It brought me a lot of comfort. I hate to think that others have, and are going through times with such severe anxiety.

    Ya'll (you can tell I'm from East Texas!) are the best!!!

  8. BluePetals

    BluePetals New Member

    Oh I have a chihuahua too and he is the love of my life, is always there for me. I bet he would be very happy to be with you again. Maybe just give it a try, visit him and see how he reacts to you. Our pets are our family and can give us so much more than we give them.

    I do hope things are better for you. I have been thru the wringer myself in the past and have serious anxiety issues today. Your dog needs to know how much you love him.
  9. Kinsie

    Kinsie New Member

    I really feel like I should go get my dog. It's been 9 months since I had to let her go so she could get well.

    Thanks for your reply - I really appreciate it.

  10. goldengoddess

    goldengoddess New Member

    Every thing happens for a reason, and what you've been through can only make you stronger!!

  11. Beadlady

    Beadlady Member

    Our pets are so forgiving and it sounds like really need your pet to care of.
  12. lillieblake

    lillieblake New Member

    Kinsie, my dog, Anna, is my savior, without her I wouldn't get out of bed. Go get yours.

    Please, please, please.

    Love, Lillie
  13. PVLady

    PVLady New Member

    Yes I believe I had a complete breakdown. It happened after years of stress and illness. I just completely shut down.

    From 1983-1996 when my dad became sick - I was only one to oversee his illness including nursing home experience until he passed in 1996.

    1996- 2008 - Then mother was ill and required alot of attention from 1996 until she passed in April 2008. This was huge financial burden due to Assisted Living costs and caregivers in nursing home. (not to mention emotional stress)

    2006 - Brother was ill and also lost job and needed financial support for over a year.

    2004-2006 Husband had three major surgeries.

    1996-present - I started business in 1996 and worked hard. In the beginning many days I was in bed on a heating pad.

    2001-2006 Was very ill with "undiagnosed" gallstones for 5 years - lost over 50 lbs, in ER twice a month.

    Gallbladder surgery 11/2006 - took a year to get better.

    2003 - Also lost my dear dog, a huge beautiful Akita. He had a rare form of cancer.

    2005 - We purchased a home that is now upside down on equity. If we would have sold three years ago would have made alot of money.

    I wound up with no stress tolerance. Its a good thing I had employees in the business because I was unable to do anything. (Also anxiety attacks).

    Today I am in recovery mode. Doing much better. We are downsizing and happy. I am no longer supporting mother and brother...

    No more stresses and can focus on the business. I feel so much better but still have to overcome sleep problems.

    I have not gone into all the details but it was unbelievable. I was also put on MS Contin for 9 months while sick with gallstones. This was disastrous.

    Today I am very optimistic and feel this is behind me. I have plans to grow my business and feel I have learned to protect myself. There has to be some lessons....