New here need help

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by leobear, Sep 16, 2006.

  1. leobear

    leobear New Member

    Hi Im new here, cant believe Ive missed this site all this time. Im having a hard time, my husband died in a bad car crash a few months ago and Im finding life pretty tough. I have physical help, but the sadness and grief is hard, and its not easy to keep busy and get my mind off the loss. He helped me such right through, now its just me trying to make sense of this crazy world. On 'good'days Im ok but then do too much and get overtired and then depressed. I went to a grief site and they are wonderful but of course dont understand this illness which makes this all so much harder. Is there anyone out there who has been or is in this situation and can offer some thoughts and support. Thanks
  2. caperkat

    caperkat New Member

    I can't begin to imagine how you're feeling right now, but I know this is a good place to come for support & friendship. Love & best wishes to you.

  3. Redwillow

    Redwillow New Member

    Hi Leobear

    Welcome. This is a wonderful site.

    I live in Ontario Canada. I have always wanted to visit your country.

    I have had Fibromyalgia for about 30 years.

    I am sorry for your loss. These conditions are so isolating that loosing your husband must be terrible.

    There are many people here on this site who are alone and I am sure you will make a lot of friends.

    I hope you will keep posting. I look forward to getting to know you better.

    hugs Marion (Redwillow)
  4. Bren2135

    Bren2135 New Member

    I'm so sorry for your loss. I can only imagine how it feels to lose your husband, and want to offer my condolences and prayers.

    I have FM, and suspect CFS, so I do know how you're feeling in that regard. My thoughts are that it makes it more bearable to gather people around, who understand. There are so many loving hearts here.

    Maybe you would like to tell us more about your husband? When my dad passed away suddenly, I found great comfort in sharing my memories of him. I know it's not quite the same, and everyone is different -- but if you need to talk, we're listening.


  5. lptopcat

    lptopcat New Member

    Welcome, I am pretty new here myself. Sorry about your loss. I too lost my husband. It will be 5 years ago on 9-27. He was only 46 and had a massive heart attack.

    For me, keeping busy with family & my grandkids was the only thing that kept me from going insane. Time does ease the pain some, just the fact that you get used to being alone and realize that you can do it. I let myself cry when I felt like it, beat my pillows to death, LOL, etc.

    This is a great support site with lots of good info and warm, caring people.

    My thoughts & prayers will be with you,

  6. lptopcat

    lptopcat New Member

    bump please
  7. lobot_84

    lobot_84 New Member

    I am so sorry for your loss.

    I can only imagine how hard it must be for you to have to face the DD without your support system - not to mention you partner and best friend in life.

    Hang in there. EVERYONE on the board will do their best to support you, encourage you and pray for you. Just please stay in touch, and let someone know you are having a bad day, and need a word of encouragement.

  8. leobear

    leobear New Member

    It has helped so much to receive all your replies to my desparate call. I really dont know how to go on but I will. I know he is with me...and helping me through this. It is awful to be left with this DD to deal with. I do have good family so that helps.
    Just need some wellness to have a life!!!
  9. findmind

    findmind New Member

    I am so sorry for you. Such a devastating loss to bear. My deepest condolences, dear person.

    This is, I think a time not to be alone too too much. Is there someone who can be with you a while, regularly? Someone you can talk to about your dear husband? A good friend?

    With CFS, the grief if already there, for the things we have lost because of such a devastating illness. To have this loss to bear can feel like too much, I'm sure.

    Know that although you are so far away from most of us that we care about you and hope you will continue to reach out and also share your memories and good times (or even bad, if you want!) with us, so we can help you keep your husband's memory alive in your heart and ours.

    Many hugs to you,
  10. misskoji

    misskoji Member

    I can't even pretend to know what you are going through. I'm so so sorry for your horrible loss. I guess I just wanted to say please take care of you. It's hard to limit yourself, but with all you're going through, I think you need lots of rest and you time.

  11. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    As you have already seen, there are lots of nice people on this board to share experiences, etc.

    I know some people battle grief by working hard and throwing themselves into projects, but those of us w/ CFS and our limited energy can't do that.

    Did the advice regarding grief suggest writing or talking to the one who is gone? Do you find the serenity prayer helpful. It is a big part of 12 step programs.

    I hople the grief resource and this board can help you.
  12. StephieBee

    StephieBee New Member

    I am so sorry to hear about your husband. I could never understand what you are going though, but I wanted to lend you my support and welcome you to the board.

    It must be so hard along with this DD, to deal with. The stress can make it just that much worse.

    You will find so much support here, even if it has nothing to do with our conditions. Everyone here is willing to lend an ear and support you with love and compassion unconditionally. We are a family here. Welcome to the family.

    I wish I could help you, but as people that dont have our conditions cant help us unless theyve had it, I cannot help you because I have never lost a husband (ive never been only 25). My bf of 7 years is like a husband, and I dont know what Id do without him.

    We are here for you 24/7. Just ask!

    Love and Hugs,
  13. lptopcat

    lptopcat New Member

    bump for leobear please
  14. charlenef

    charlenef New Member

    im sorry to hear you are having such a hard time my mom is going through this also. her huband of 28yrs passed away almost a year ago .although it s very sad for me i couldnt imagine if something happened to my hubby, i am so bad i think i would end up in a home and i am only 37 pretty sad huh? my mom takes one day at a time some days are worse than others but she says you just got to get up the next day and hopfully it will be better. god bless charlene
  15. charlenef

    charlenef New Member

  16. sascha

    sascha Member

    my husband died a long time ago. he was only 30. it was such a shock. i thought life would stop and was surprised when it didn't. gradually i started realizing my life would go on. that was such a long time ago.

    having chronic illness probably adds to how hard it is because of being unable to be out there, doing and connecting with people.

    it is very very hard- there's no getting around it. it takes time before you start pulling out of the terrible grief.

    i recently went through period of severe losses within relatively short periof of time- my mother, my brother-in-law, then most recently, my sister died. each one a profound blow. there are times when it seems unbearable, but then somehow you carry on.

    at some point, you may make some new and amazing discoveries about yourself!! you are not alone in your grief. i send healing thoughts and best wishes for the life lying ahead of you- very best from Sascha
  17. BlueSky555

    BlueSky555 New Member

    Hi leobear,

    I am so sorry that you are having to deal with such a loss and also dealing with this DD.

    I can't relate to your feelings of loss but can tell you that having this DD is a day to day issue and difficult in itself to deal with.

    Everyone here on this board has been very supportive and like a second family to me. I'm sure you will feel the same.

    I give you a warm welcome to the board,