New Here, Please Help

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by a121558, Mar 12, 2003.

  1. a121558

    a121558 New Member

    Hi, I'm recently diagnosed 6 mths. Have been on Celebrex( no help)Elavil(hangover in A.M.)and Vicodin which I'm taking about every 4-5 hrs for the last 2 mths off and on. More on lately. It's the only way I can do anything in the morning when I get up. I can hardly walk or move. My primary only wants me to take them every 8 hrs. I have an appt with the pain Dr. the 18th. He suggested darvocet or percocet. But I really would like to be able to function some. I think I'll ask him about ultram. I've been doing alot of research and that seems to be O.K. I've tried to explain this to my husband of only 8 mths. He's not too understanding. We went to dinner tonight. I asked him if he was unhappy and wanted to stay with me. He said he didn't know. We've had other problems too. This just makes it worse. He said I was lazy. So when we got home I took a vicodin I've been going since. Scrub kitchen and I think I'm on the last load of laundry. It's only 4:30 A.M. I know I'll pay for it for the next couple of days. Sorry for the whining. Just needed to talk to some one who might understand. Not sure what I'm going to do about this not knowing about my marriage. Thanks for listening. Anna
  2. samjenkin

    samjenkin New Member

    I think most of us can sympathise with your predicament. I am fairly lucky - I fell ill two months after my boyfriend and I got together and he can hardly remember me being "well". When your hubbie has calmed down, perhaps show him this site so he can see it is not "all in your head" and you are not being "lazy".

    Take care of yourself though - crashing won't help you long term.

    Hope things work out for you (you can also do without the additional stress I am sure).

    Sam

  3. pamela

    pamela New Member

    Well where do I start...I had 2 ex husbands that were not compassionate at all. It gets worse if you do not have a caring and understanding husband. Of course mine liked the other women all to well if you know what I mean. I would say let him either look at this website and talk to your doctor and/ or go to counseling. When you marry you are suppost to do it for ...good or bad sickness or health...the vows...he should remember. I feel for you and I hope you can find out soon if he is in this for real or not. You dont need to be jumping over hurdles if you are not up to it. It will only make it worse. You will end up worse. Have you tried Magnesium with malic acid and the (B-5) pantheonic acid? That helped me tremendously!! Also MSM helps with achyness in your joints. You can get this stuff at the health food store. There are so many guys out there that really do not know what they want. Do you work? Let us know whats going on in your work life and all that..it will help when we reply back. Im so sorry you have this and I totally know how you feel..dear. You sound so sweet and NOBODY deserves to be treated like this from their significant other!!! Hang in there and write back...HUGS...Pamela Again I have been through this and hope to help you if I can...
    [This Message was Edited on 03/13/2003]
  4. EllenComstock

    EllenComstock New Member

    would help. You didn't say, but I assume it was FM you were diagnosed with. On this website there are two letters-one for people with fibromyalgia and one for normals. I would read both and print off the one for normals for your husband. Some books would also be helpful for you and hubby. That's what I did. I felt bad for my husband. I have been sick ever since he has known me. I started out with a heart condition (had palpitations, dizzy and fainting spells). I finally had heart surgery to correct the electrical system of my heart and have been fine since. Then we discover I have endometriosis (have had several surgeries that he's taken me to the hospital for). Now I have fibromyalgia and there's no cure for this just like the endometriosis. I think at first my husband thought I was a hypochondriac, but after the surgeries and doctor visits, he knew it wasn't just in my head. He was also there when I had to be rushed to the hospital with one of my heart palpitation problems. I bought books to educate myself and left them out for him to read on both the endo and FM and he has read plus met with my doctors.

    Sorry this is so long, but that's all you can do. You can't force your husband to read and take an interest in finding out what's going on with you. If and when he does, I am sure he will feel really bad for saying you were "lazy".

    I've had pretty good luck with Ultracet for pain, although I have never found anything that totally blocks it, but I don't think that's possible. But just having it take the edge off of it really helps. I hope things work out for you and your husband. He needs to remember that marriage is "for better and for worse, in sickness and in health" and you have to be there for your partner whatever happens. I know it's not easy. My mother just passed away after five years of being ill. It was a relief for me and for her when she passed away. No more suffering for her. I wasn't sure how much longer I could go on, but somehow I knew I had to.

    I hope this has helped. Keep us posted.

    Ellen
  5. griswoldgirl

    griswoldgirl New Member

    If you took the same wedding vows I did 15 years ago, there is a part that states through sickness and in health. My husband and I have been through a very rough road and have been on the verge of divorce for a few years now. I am happy to say I think we are working our way back to each other. I have fibro, CFS, IC(interstital cystitis), post hysterectomy from years of painful surgeries and stuff from endometriosis, I have osteo arthritis beyond my years, screws in my knee and screws in my back-heck I am the bionic woman. he suffers from very bad depression which is medication resistent along with other thingss, sleep apnea, asthma etc

    I have been ill on and off for 20 years. I am 43 years old and have two kids 14 and 9. right now my husband works traveling assignments as a CT technologist because the money is better and he is making up for my loss of income. I have a long story-I'll make it short I have had 5 surgeries in 3 years which have caused me to loose my job as an ultrasound technologist. Right now I am on the mend from ACL reconstruction in my knee and about two months away from being able to work full time. I have been without income for 6 months which has been very hard on us. He is gone a lot of the times. Sometimes months at a time, so in essence I am a single mom half the time.

    he does not care if the house is a mess, or the laundry is not done. etc--just if the kids are doing there chores. Me he worries that I will not go back to work. Me I am worried that I will not be able to. When I injured my knee and lost my job of 3 years it was a blessing in disquise because I was crashing and burning from being in overdrive for years. His only harping he does at me is he gets after me to study for my certification boards and to exercise so I can get back to work. I do not want to go back too early as I did with my back surgery a little over a year ago. that was a big mistake. I was not ready at all mentally or physically. This time i want to be fully recovered(well as much as I can be)

    Staying up til 4 am to clean is only going to hurt yourself. I remember vicodin makes me want to clean too LOL. I am on pain meds and under the care of a pain doc. It does make life more bearable. It does however effect my fatigue level and brain fog so it is a trade off to ease the pain. I chose to be foggy and out of pain so I can do things. Right now I have to exercise my knee to the tune of 2-3 hours a day to get back on track. It is grueling at times, but I do it. I also nap afterwords and sleep in when I can to rest up for the next day. My kids are older and they can get themselves up and out to school, so that helps.

    I figure it this way, noone wants to be alone. Being alone with this illness is especailly scary. I am quilty of staying with my husband at times for that very reason. But you guys are just starting out. I do not know how old you are, I looked up your profile, but nothing there. i hope and pray he can accept you for you, disease and all. I hope he will help you when you need help.

    I wish you luck and am sorry that you are in pain. keep coming back there are women here with lots of words of wisdom.

    I am an oldster and My husband has is own demans to deal with, depression and obesity (overeating his way to a size 50 waiste here lately). I guess we just accept each others demans and try and lean on each other.

    cathy
  6. a121558

    a121558 New Member

    I just wanted to thank you for your words of encouragement. I'm 44. I have FM. No I'm not working. I think I'd rather not work than work for a couple of days and have to call in sick and job hop. Although the little extra money would help. Maybe once I get on a medicine that will help me feel human again. It seems when it rains it pours. I too have had numerous surgeries in the past 2 years. Gallbladder, bone from hip to elbow for crushed elbow, and a hysterectomy for fibroid tumors. Never had an abnormal pap in my life till now. Now I need a biopsy Tuesday. What is left in there to biopsy. It wasn't until after all my surgeries that I started to feel like this. Do you ever feel like running away? Thats just how I feel today. Maybe just get a hotel room and stay a few days. Does this emotional rollar coaster go along with all this? I've been on paxil 20mg for a year. But little things just reaaly upset me. The fact our house is still in his ex's name, even thier wedding stuff is still in the cabinet. And the fact that he still talks to her and e-mails her continously has me really upset. I try to blame this on the FM. any one else have the emotion ups and downs? Once again Thank you for your ear. I wish nothing but the best days ahead for you all, LOL, Anna
  7. Shirl

    Shirl New Member

    Hello Anna, wow you sure have your plate full. Read both of your posts here.

    I don't know how you are managing at all. You are under way too much stress.

    The ex-wife 'thing' would be enough to make me blow the roof off the house.

    Somehow I think you need to get to a de-stress point before you will be able to heal at all. Is that possible for you?

    That taking a pain killer in the middle of the night to clean house is out of the ballpark for sure. You will pay dearly for that one today.

    I am not saying anymore, I am very angry at such a man as you have there, its obivious he does not deserve a good woman like you seem to be.

    Please stay with us, we have some super great people on this board, and they will help you, and support you as much as they can. But dear lady, you need to rethink your lifestyle. You are hurting yourself so very much.

    Again, a big welcome to the board, and I do hope things get better for you very soon, so that you can begin to heal.

    Shalom, Shirl
    [This Message was Edited on 03/13/2003]
  8. pamela

    pamela New Member

    Glad you wrote back. Im at home til Monday so I'll be checking in alot and hopefully we all can give you some great advice. First I want to say that the hysterectomy you had...well I have been told that it does cause the moods to go up and down. If you had your ovaries removed then your hormones are not all there. I guess you know all that but I have heard of what your going through emotionally can be caused by the hysterectomy. Second...and this one is the clincher!!!! How dare your ex talk on e-mails back and forth to YOUR husband!! I dated a guy that was divorced (the wife ran around on him) and he and her remained friends and talked ont he phone and sent e-mails to. It turned out they were having an affair under my nose and it was shocking! Im not saying this is happening but you need to be careful. If they are still talking and all cutsy with each other then you need to watch out. I dont know this just brought back some horrid memories for me. This is probably not happening but when people divorce there is sometimes feelings still involved. The wedding gifts in the cabinets need to be put up or go away. If he has a problem with it then you two need to have a serious talk. This is your life together and it needs a fresh start. He needs to rid himself of all the past if her cares about you and your marriage together. You have only been married for 8 months right? Keep your guard up until you know all the facts on where he stands with you and the ex. Just wnat you to be safe from any hurt thats all. To me some couples never get over each other. What was their reason for their break up? I dont want to upset you but this is a serious deal here. It will affect you. Your now dx'd with FMS like most of us here. We all know what stress can do to people like us. You dont need soemone in your life that is going to throw you off balance any more than it already is. I could never get that guy I was dating to quit talking to his ex. Off course they had a kid together but he still used the kid as an excuse. He would even go over to her house and visit and even spend the night. Thats when I threw in the towel. I knew for me it would never work. My situation is a bit different from yours... but it still can esculate.
    You may need an adjustment on your paxil for the depression. A girl at work had to double her dose and it did help her. I think some of your depression is from what your going through with your husband. Seems to me when we get ourselves in these situations it all revolves around the "I gotta fix it" syndrome. YOu already stayed up all night and worked on the house. Thats not the answer. Where is he...can he help around the house? I did things like that to in order to try to create something that was not there with that guy. Write back please and let us know more. How do you feel? How does he treat you? We all can give you great advice and you need to take it in and think about it. Analyze the situation. How do you feel about him? What do you wnat out of this realtionship? Can you live with him talking to her forever? Why does he talk to her? DO they have a child together? Write back...HUGS...Pammy
  9. jeanderek

    jeanderek New Member

    If fighting this disease day in and day out you have to worry about your marriage as well. My heart goes out to you. I wish I could reach through the computer and give you a hug, I don't know what I would do if I didn't have a supportive husband. I wish you all the best. I hope you find some relief for your pain it took me several months to find what worked for me. I will keep you in my prayers and I agree, you both took the same vows doesn't that mean anything any more. Best wishes to you

    hugs,
    Jeanna

    ps
    About the housework, Don't kill yourself, the dishes are not going anywhere, neither is the laundry. There is nothing wrong with him taking on some of the chores. Just because your the women doesnt mean that you have to do it all. I don't like that mentality a bit. I do house work When I feel like it and not a minute sooner. I tried for years to keep everything caught up till one day I said forget it. The house might be a mess but I am not going to hit myself trying to make someone else happy. [This Message was Edited on 03/13/2003]
  10. allie124

    allie124 New Member

    Why on earth are you killing yourself to clean a house that belongs to your husband's ex-wife. You have enough to deal with! If she has the time to e-mail your husband, why doesn't she just come on over and she can do the cleaning!!!
    Anyway, welcome aboard.

    allie
  11. pamela

    pamela New Member

    How are you today? Are you out there? Just checking on you I hope I did not make you mad at my last post to you. I just really feel for you. Please let us know how you are and keep your head up.. We all are here for you no matter what... Hope to hear from you soon...Love Lots and Soft Hugs...Pammy
  12. a121558

    a121558 New Member

    I want to thank you all for your words of wisdom. Sorry I didn't get back sooner. I really felt crappy yesterday. Some better today. I finally have an appt. with a specialist Apr. 3. Thank God. I really need to find something for this so I can get back to working. My husband said today that he is the only bread winner in the house so he will be the only one handling the money. I have tried to explain the amount stress can play on this FM. I even gave him the web site and asked him to take just a little time to check it out. Him and his ex got divorced because she was having an affair. The second time. She wanted out. All our children are grown and on thier own. I guess I'm moving in the spare bedroom today. My husband is the kind of person that needs all the control. And right now I'm not willing to give up what little control I have left. I am so worried about this biopsy Mon. I'm praying I have a good weekend so I can keep busy to keep it off my mind. And I'll be out of meds today. And my PCP won't give me any right now, it's to soon. Oh well. I am really sorry for always laying this on you guys. But it so hard to try and explain how you feel to anyone who hasn't experienced it. So how are you all feeling? Take Care of yourselfs, Anna
  13. pamela

    pamela New Member

    I have been through what you are going through!!! Yes!!! My first husband was a control freak too. And he had no compassion either for me or my health or anybody else's either. He was a womanizer. Also ended up telling me about his affair one night after he got drunk. Just palinly adimitted crawling into bed with another woman. WOW!! Best news I had heard of in forever.. That was my out. My second husband forgot he was married and decided to start running around on me after the first month we were married. That went on for 5 years and I did not find out until the bitter end. He was a good player if you know what I mean. But your husband sounds alot like men in my past other than my 2 ex's. I really feel sorry for you and wish I could be there to chit chat. So he or you are moving into a spare (can't remember from your post - fibro-fog)...well maybe that might be best for now as it might give time for things to chill out. Hope your biopsy goes well. These days they have so much going on in medicene to combat so much..you have alot on your side..so don't worry. Just pray and keep busy as that always helps me..but don't over do it if you know what I mean. Take care and write when you feel up to it. Love Pammy

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