Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by atiledsner, Feb 5, 2007.
He still doesn't have a job and no he is not a chef.He was here today so we baked cookies.
He does cater to me a lot.He loves to clean the house and wash clothes.He will dust,vacuum,sweep,mop,do laundry and he will even fold them and put them away.
He will cook or help me cook, he doesn't like to do dishes but will if I don't feel like it.
It's darling, this and darling that to me.He's the one I have had an on again and off again relationship with over the past few months,almost 2 years.
He had a lot of anger and took it out on me in the beginning.With some therapy and the fact that I told him I would not live that way, he has settled down a lot.
He has a really good heart.HE has been hurt in many ways in his life time.Abandonment by his mother and his father moved away to another state and never supported him in any way.
He was raised by his grandparents until his teens.He was then sent to his Dad.He has just told me his Dad is african american but very light in color.
I don't know how long he has known this. He had to dig very deep in his sole to tell me this.
While at his Dad's his stepmother became very obsessed with him, is his story.She came on to him time and time again then finally she crawled in bed with him nude and wanted him to have sex with her.
This then went on for months until his dad got a little suspious.They were not caught in the act but just touchy,feely stuff. His dad blamed it all on him and almost choked him to death.He was then sent home on a bus and told he was never to contact them again.
He told me that she called him and said she would alwys love him.
She tried to get him to leave with her and leave her two daughters behind with his dad.His story is that he considered this.He told her he had been raised without a dad and wasn't going to be the reason his half sisters didn't have a dad.
She according to his story begged him to leave with her and take the two girls.Her promise was that he would never have to work she had plenty of money, and her family was rich too. She would make the living.
Well, what do you all think?I'd say that he has a reason for some anger.
In his family at home there were several boys, all but 2 had different fathers.The one closest to his age had a wreck in front of a huge company.It was early in the morning.
The guard hear a big noise but didn't go and investigate it. His brother laid there for hours bleeding out and then died after they got him to the hospital.
He could have been saved if someone was doing their job.The man in the picture had to go in and identify the body of his brother.
He told me he cried once, a little, but had to be strong for his family.
I just listen and try to understand,and want to believe.
I've seen the anger.I told him a person teaches you how to treat them, and i will not be treated badly, I deserve better than that.
What a past this man has! Anyone with this kind of history would have anger! I don't really have any advice except to take it a day at a time and see what happens. You have made it clear that you will not be the brunt of his anger, that is a good thing.
You said that he has just told you about his father and that it was hard for him to tell you. Perhaps there's more he hasn't told you as well, and it will take time for him to tell you everything. Talking to you may help him in his healing process.
He's very helpful to you around the house, so that is very good. What's up with the no job thing? Him getting a job would be a plus.
Good luck to you. Relationship's are always tricky, this one sounds a little bit more than the usual.
He made about 8,500.00 dollars all year. He just had his taxes done today.
He has had 4 jobs 1 he quit working in a meat market,couldn't stand the small and cleaning the saws.
I understand that.But the rest of the jobs he got fired.
He's knowledge is very limited in more areas than I thought possible.
He has no craft, not interested in enough of anything to persue it.No ambition to do something out of someone saying this is the job do it. Then he does a good production, but something always happens so he is fired.
He asks me questions all day long. Today for instance he asked me a bout a rapid refund for his taxes.I didn't know about them so I called H&R block and they wouldn't tell me anything over the phone.
There is an H&R block 3 miles from my home.1 st time it has been there,wasn't the one I called. So my daughter takes him there.
His refund was going to be 791.00.They charged him 198.00 for about 10 minutes work.He had 4 little slips of paper in his hand.That is all they had to do.
He comes back and says would you have paid that?I said no.I would have asked them up front for an estimate of doing them.He said I did ask and they told me 198.00.
He asked was I disappointed he didn't call me and ask me what he should do.
I was, but I was nice about it.
My son called last night and we talked 2to 3 hours. I hadn't heard from him since Christmas.He had a bit....g fit.
I am so tired of him being under my feet.
He went outside yesterday and asked me what room i would be in when he came back in.
I have already told you what he does do.He is very helpful in the house. Will fix drinks for me, bring me food.
He doesn't have a drivers lincense so I have to do all the driving.He can drive he just hasn't ever gotten his lincense.
He owns nothing but the clothes on his back.
He is fun to be around but I din't want anyone around all the time.
When he does gat ajob I have to take him and go get him.I feel like I have another child.
I used to have a business, home based and there were people here all the time.People being in my space for hours was hard to get used to.
If I had another business I wouldn't want people working in my home again.
I have met his Mom and step dad.His real dad loves in Wisconsin.
I feel that his Mom goes averboard to make up now for not being there for him when he was growing up.Make no mistake here, she has nothing either, but gives him lots of love and attention.
The phone call from my son I mentioned earlier made him mad because he is not one of my son's favorite people.
My son wanted to introduce me to other men to date.
I do not feel like I am in the relationship I need. I'm so tired of it.The longest he's worked at one time is 3 months.
All he says and all he does just doesn't add up to all I need.
I know a lot of you have hubby at home a lot. Am I being unreasonable? Should I be glad to have someone in my life that is good to me most of the time?
I tell myself that I should just be happy to have someone in my life that cares and does what he does for me, because after all I am 57, overweight, and disabled.
All togather I draw about 637.00 a month and have a house payment of 585.00.So he's not here for the money.
Sometimes I feel like just having everything cut off. Electricity,phone,cable etc.and just leaving in my camper.
I just don't know where and when to go.Suggestions.
I have a realtor that sold my parents place. I would feel safe in giving them the keys to my home and saying sell it.
I agree with fight, only you can decide what's best for you. But it seems to me like you are wishing he was not around so much. (or not at all?) A good solution for that is for him to get a job!! But he doesnt' have much luck in that area does he!
You could give him ultimatim to get a job, but I don't know how that would work.
I wish you the best of luck with this.
I too hesitate to tell you what to do but I can tell you what I would do. You see have been down this road myself.
You follow what you feel in your soul at your quietest time. Don't ever "settle" just because your afraid you will be alone forever.
I walked away in 1994 because the 4 year relationship was not working for me. I had pretty much been in a realtionship all of my life.
So here I am 40, have cancer and alone. It was hard but I took the time to find me instead of pleasing everyone else.
I have been alone since and am very happy. I created my life the way I needed it to be. If I never meet another man in my life I will still be fine. I found out I could do more than I thought was possible.
It has not always been a happy journey, I have been to the depths of hell and back...more than once. You have to believe in yourself and you have a lot to offer a person in a relationship and you deserve someone who can give it back to you.
Just listen to your soul and the answer will come-stay strong. Carla
I never thought about what you said, but you are so right about this! Personal info and a photo to go with. I'm sure atiledsner didn't consider this when she posted.
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