New to boards, not to CFS or Needing to get this off my chest

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by CLMroberts, Apr 8, 2009.

  1. CLMroberts

    CLMroberts New Member

    I was diagnosed with CFS about 10 years ago and have struggled with it since then. My husband knew I had this when he married me yet he still tells me that I'm faking and that I didn't get a second opinion. I went to 3 doctors before one said ok..THIS is what ya got. They all did tests and tried having me take vitamins and so on. He was the only one to provide a reason and then began telling me how to manage it and prescribed me with Allegra D at the time to help with some of the symptoms.

    My husband has dubbed me lazy, despite SEEING first hand what happens to me if I over do things. After I had my daughter I began working at home but with the economy being what it is, contract work is hard to find. EVen still working 40 hours at home he griped that he didn't like me working at home and I should go work in an office. I'm skating over some of the facts here, but suffice it to say I'm at the end of my marriage and have decided that for my own health and well being it's time I got out or I'll forever be sick and unable to do anything I want to do. I've also run a business for 7 years. Sometimes it makes money sometimes it doesn't but the only constant here is that he makes me miserable on the days I feel ill and doesn't support me in ANY way. No matter how much cleaning or cooking I do I should do more AND work 40hrs a week AND take care of my daughter. Honestly if I didn't have him as the added stress I'd be just fine. I've gotten to the point where I can manage my CFS, over the past 10 years I've learned to know when it's time to stop doing things and rest or shut down. It's him that doesn't allow me to do so. If I'm trying to rest, it becomes his mission to follow me into whatever room I'm in and turn on lights, make noise and finally ask me WHY I'm sleeping, what's wrong with you, when he knows.

    My only problem is now, after years of him accumulating debt and causing me to lose contract jobs and not allowing me to study for school, I have no degree and little to no money to get out of here. If anyone has any suggestions that won't cause me to have to completely destroy my daughter (I know she'll suffer some, but I'd like to move somewhere close by so she doesn't have to change schools) or can point me in the direction of some really good business resources so that I can really get my business going, I'd appreciate it greatly. Or even just some nice words of encouragement would be helpful now as I get none now.

    And in return I'd like to offer my own ear and shoulder to anyone needing to talk. I make a great listener and of course, I know exactly what you're going through.

  2. Forebearance

    Forebearance Member

    Welcome, C. I'm really sorry to hear about what you are going through. It sounds really tough.

  3. anj211

    anj211 New Member

    Hi c

    Firstly welcome to the board.I found out i had cfs in oct i have found it very hard to take in and my family and my hubby are also struggling. Anyway things are so bad i am considering leaving as i feel i am getting added stress put on me due to constant arguments in family about shopping etc there have been a lot of times i havent been able to get about and they have to do it which is causing a lot of conflict i also get comments like they are fed up with me not been able to do things or i am not doing enough my hubby does not work feel like leaving but just cant get the courage up to do it i.I no i will have to do something as the added stress i feel is making me much worse and not helping at all.And yes i have also been told i am lazy.

  4. SpecialK82

    SpecialK82 New Member

    Hi C - It's nice to see you here!

    I am sorry you are not getting support at home, that is so important for us. Please don't take it as your shortcoming, other people that don't understand what it is like to be ill just do not get it most of the time.

    Although my husband is supportive, I know he still doesn't understand how devastating this is to us, every single moment of every single day.

    Hang in there - you'll find people here are very supportive, I think we can all get through these tough times if we stick together.

    Hugs, Kristina
  5. jasminetee

    jasminetee Member

    Sorry to hear about your situation. That's a common problem for so many of us with CFS. You sound like you're doing all that you can and you know when to stop and take care of yourself. That's the best you can do so basically he's telling you that your best isn't good enough.

    Have you found some materials to give him about CFS that might help him understand? Sometimes that can help. Hang in there, I know it's not easy.

  6. mbofov

    mbofov Active Member

    If you're seriously thinking of leaving your husband, you need to talk to a lawyer to see what your rights and obligations are. Child support and alimony are some of the things you need to find out about.

    When my husband of 20+ years and I split up, we sold our house (lucky we had a house to sell). He was ordered to pay me spousal support because I couldn't work due to CFIDS.

    Anyways, there's a lot of legal issues to be resolved and for that you need a lawyer. Many of them will give a free initial consultation.

    Counseling might be useful too, to help clarify what you want and need to do. He doesn't have to go with you, though if there's any hope of saving your marriage, it would be good if he did.

    Take care -