New To Forums - Relationship/Depression Issues

Discussion in 'General Health & Wellness' started by MissyM87, Nov 6, 2008.

  1. MissyM87

    MissyM87 New Member

    Hi all,

    I have been going through some very severe depression and was hoping that I could find some help on an online community. I have two friends that care a lot about me, but neither can be a 24/7 friend because of life and other things like that. I understand, but there are many times I have difficulty and I can't reach them and need some kind of support system for when they can't be there for me.

    Over the past three weeks I have dropped out of school (For the third time in ~4 years), lost the one person I trust and love the most in the world because of me, and pretty much dropped out of my life.

    I have been suffering from depression for about 8 years now. I was really hoping to gain some insight on how you guys would handle my situation, as I'm having an insanely hard time getting through it.

    My boyfriend and I had been together for 2 and 1/2 years and I'd go through periods where because of depression issues I just didn't feel like talking. There's a little more too it, but I made him feel neglected. I have huge trust issues because of things that happened when I was younger and it is hard for me to believe people aren't going to abandon me. But this guy was it. He was perfect for me and over two years finally convinced me that he really did love me and that he wasn't going to leave me.

    We fought some and things became difficult the last six months or so and stupidly I broke up with him, not because I didn't want to be with him, but he had gotten so complacent I thought maybe it would make him feel some passion about wanting to be with me, after all, I was convinced he was in love with me. I know, it was a stupid thought. I don't know why I did it, and if I could, I would give anything to go back and fix things.

    Anyway, because I had been so attached to him and finally trusted him now not only am I having huge trust issues with anyone else (Becoming convinced again that everyone will leave, etc), but I cannot get him out of my mind. I had already been having a horrible semester depression wise and that mixed with anxiety and I kept trying to get him back. I feel ridiculous looking back, he obviously doesn't love me anymore.

    So how would you guys go about getting through this? I wake up every day wanting to be with him and faced with the reality that the one person who really helped me get through every day with my depression is no longer there. I feel awfully helpless and alone. I've tried talking to friends, but I know that it's just as difficult for them to listen to me every day as it is for me to feel this way. Besides, I can't stop asking myself or them "How could he just not love me anymore?" and nothing anyone says is going to make that any less painful.

    I try to get out and do things, but having missed so many days of school already this semester it was impossible for me to continue. I can't seem to bring myself to get up and do anything, and as my two friends are far away, I can't even find a hug. I really feel close to giving up, but I know how much that would hurt the people that I love.

    Sorry, I know this is a very long post, I just could really use a few shoulders to cry on and a little advice right now.
  2. stick2013

    stick2013 Member

    There is a depression board on here and a bunch of wonderful people too. You might try posting there to see if you can get a better response.

    In the mean time...Depression sucks, but hang in there it can get better. Are you in therapy, or on any medication to help???

    You also speak of trust issues because of what happened to you when you were younger...Not sure what happened to you, but if it was tramatic enough, it WOULD affect you NOW if the issue had not been dealt with when you were younger....

    Good luck.
  3. TwoCatDoctors

    TwoCatDoctors New Member

    What I can tell you is that it is very hard on friends or a boyfriend to expect them to be your 24/7 support for depression, instead of you reaching out and getting the professional help that will start you on taking care of your medical/depression needs. Actually, to use friends or a boyfriend as your 24/7 support is how you lose friends and loved ones because eventually they get worn out--they care about you, but you wear them down and they don't want to go through it any more and you find they aren't available to you when you call. Your boyfriend apparently walked away without much effort so that should be a sign that you needed to start getting professional help to help yourself and not lean on him so much. So its really time for you to start to help yourself.

    Contact your local mental health society and ask where you can find non cost/low cost therapy for you. When you make the appointment, ask them the telephone number of a "Warm Line" so that when you are not in crisis but MUST talk to someone, that you call the Warm Line. They sometimes have a limit to talk on the Warm Lines of something like 15 minutes, but you can call them back and that could keep you going until your appointment.

    While in your appointments, discuss about getting back into school as that is part of your life and you want that diploma. Getting help, then getting back into school, would be a good path to approaching your boyfriend as a more independent person who now doesn't need to lean on him for depression help. Good luck, hugs and my best.
    [This Message was Edited on 11/09/2008]