Hello everyone. I am new to the board but hope to become a facet of it yet. I have a question about how any of you would handle this situation or if you have any advice. I am very young and still a student. I have been married for a short time to a wonderful man of whom I could ask nothing more; he is so good to me. The only problem is that he sees me going through all this pain and he shuts down, because it hurts him so much and he feels guilty that he can't fix it or take it away. I know he would if he could. I don't know how to help him understand that I don't expect him to fix it, but it hurts more when he closes himself off to me. The other issue is that he is a T-5 paraplegic, complete. That means he uses a manual wheelchair to get around, has no feeling or control below his chest and is incontinent. For the most part he takes care of himself, even the incontinence. He doesn't require me to be his caregiver but sometimes he asks me to do things that, while more convenient for him, put me in that position. In many ways I don't mind this except that he doesn't seem to understand that as the pain has been getting worse it is harder for me to take care of him. There have been times he has so exhausted himself I have had to literally haul his 200lb body into bed. He seems to think his disability is more legitimate than mine because his you can see. I hope that over time we can find a good balance for both of us, but it sure is difficult right now with both of us trying not to get frustrated or upset with the other about things we can't control. Any advice would be much appreciated.