New to the world of a relationship with someone dx with FMS

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by luvmygirl, Apr 27, 2009.

  1. luvmygirl

    luvmygirl New Member

    I am currently dating a very nice loving woman who has FMS. She informed me early on when we first started seeing each other. She has expressed her concerns with regards to the symptoms and how she is (or was) afraid that I would not be able to deal or handle her (our) situation.

    I care very deeply for and about her and her well being. I have read a couple of books albeit I am sure they covered enough for me to be dangerous with the information they gave me.

    I am looking for some guidance as far as what I can do to help her or at the very least not cause any flare-ups for her.

    ANYBODY, who has some helpful guidelines of what I can do or not do other than what I have read, I look forward to any input.

    I want, yet know that all of our ime spent together will not be pain free for her. she and I discussed this and we will settle for tolerable.

    Thank you

  2. Shananegans

    Shananegans New Member

    The best advice I can give someone dating someone with an illness is Never Doubt Them. Unfortunately you cannot physically see pain and this causes doubt, don't let the doubt get to you. The man I married was fully aware that I was ill and I explained so much to him and he read books and educated himself but then he started to doubt me because sometimes I seemed perfectly healthy. I'm not much of a complainer so I didn't always announce I was in pain and sometimes I would push myself so we could spend time together but sometimes I just couldn't. Our marriage ended because he started accusing me of being a liar and told me I was just lazy and didn't want to do anything so I faked the illness. All of which was of course very untrue, I never faked a thing.

    It ended our marriage after a year because he wasn't truly prepared to deal with someone with health problems. I'm not at all implying that this might happen with you, I'm just saying don't ever doubt her. Trust when she says she not up to something and be prepared for disappointment when you make plans and then she cancels because she just doesn't have the energy or she's in too much pain. All you can do is be there and let her know you care. And don't let her push herself, nothing is worth the suffering it causes.

    You are starting in the right place tho and I commend you for wanting to know as much as you can so you can try to understand. I wish you the best and I hope everything works out.

  3. butterflydream

    butterflydream New Member

    is what can be very powerful in a relationship with a loved one having fibromyalgia.
    You seem to care very much for this woman and willing to be there for her. Bless you

    Stress can set fibro into a flare, i doubt their is any relationship that is stress free, economy alone can stress a relationship.

    Be patient and please don't put a Blame on her or yourself when plans are cancelled.

    I'm living proof a relationship can work out with a loved one having fibromyalgia,
    i have a very caring understanding husband and i also have fibromyalgia.

    This woman you are dating is very fortunate to have someone like you whom is willing to
    learn of her illness and be there for her. You're one in a million to post this topic and i wish you two the very best in your relationship.

    Ask as many questions as you need too.

    Your Welcome,