New to this board

Discussion in 'Caregivers' started by pammy52, Mar 27, 2004.

  1. pammy52

    pammy52 New Member

    I have been part of the immunesupport site for almost a year.
    I have FM and mostly hang out on the chitchat board at this point. I have learned alot from the fibro board and have visited some of the other boards too.

    I see that this board is not too active but am hoping to find a bit of support and/or info from those who have experience with stroke victims and/or just the stuff that goes with aging parents.

    My dad who is 82 had a stroke in Feb. of this year. Up to that point he was very active. Still working as a caretaker for 2 families, out and about every day. Has always done the grocery shopping,laundry,bill paying etc..

    My mom is almost 79 and basically healthy and functional but has agoraphobia (fear of open spaces,going out in public etc.) and for the past 10 yrs. only leaves thier house 2x a yr. to come here for Thanksgiving and Easter.
    She has major anxiety issues which cause her to become
    completely overwhelmed with fielding calls about dads
    health situation and appts. etc.
    She also is very impatient with the new Dad..his impairments from the stroke and his being home all the time now.

    Dad was very lucky that his stroke left him with very little damage. None to speak of physically.
    His short term memory is considerably worse now and he lost the ability to read. He is easily confused when conversing.
    Some of that can be attributed to being hearing impaired.
    Almost deaf in one ear and tinnitus in the other.

    He is going to speech therapy and cardio rehab therapy 2x weekly. Speech therapy is for working on regaining his reading ability. Slow progress but progress none the less.
    His disability is called 'alexia'.
    Has anyone here had experience with alexia in thier family or friends lives?

    Of course the whole situation has created the need for myself and brothers to become involved on an almost daily basis in some form or other with our folks lives.

    I am the medical/healthcare coordinator,liason and overseer.
    Just getting his appts. scheduled for therapy is quite the
    task because its 18 miles to the hosp. and although there
    is a transport system for eldercare its schedule is fairly limited. I spend about an hour and 1/2 coordinating this each week while I am at work.
    Also because I live the closest I stop daily after
    work to drop off groceries,pick up laundry,help dad with
    his homework from speech therapy, listen to mom vent about
    dad etc..

    My brother Chad is overseeing thier financial situation which by the way is a total trainwreck in the respect of dad not really having kept up with the times in the past 20 yrs. ie: filing taxes, no homeowners ins. etc..
    He also goes there on Sat. to pick up thier trash, do odd jobs etc.
    Our older brother John is on the fringes of the new lifestyle changes with our dad.Not so much because he wont help but because of dad and us kind of keeping him and his wife at arms length. Thats another part of the situation I wont go into right now.

    I know this post is of short story content but I would so appreciate touching base with someone to just get support
    in coming to terms with all the changes in the parent/child relationship that goes with parents getting old and infirm.
    We are so grateful that Dad was one of the lucky ones in
    terms of his stroke. Obviously though it has created major lifestyle changes for him and us.I know this is just the beginning of things to come and at least have time to gradually reverse the roles of providing care for the ones
    who cared for me growing up.

    BTW...although dad is capable of driving,in the going thru the motions sense, he was told by the doc cannot for the next 6 mo. to a yr. because of a defibrillator implant done at the time of his stroke in Feb...
    Of course now he has started driving again even tho we thought he was willing to wait til the o.k. was given by his cardio doc..
    I had a talk with him about how much he is putting himself and others at risk by doing this. He feels by just limiting himself to the 5 miles to town and back things will be fine.
    I think mostly he is doing it to get out of the house away from mom. They have never spent whole days together in thier entire marraige of 58 yrs.

    Chad and I are still talking about the best thing to do concerning this issue. I called dads cardiologist and am waiting for a call back.

    Thanks for listening and would love to just be able to vent and share the craziness that goes with this chapter of life with those of you living it.

    [This Message was Edited on 03/28/2004]
  2. tom-r

    tom-r New Member

    I am not in the same situation but your story hits close to home for my dad is 82 going on 83 in July and my mom is 80 going on 81 in May.

    My dad is very active and still works part time at the church and pretty much takes care of my mom and himself. But the day is comming that us kids will have to deal with the same things that you are dealing with now.

    I am currently the caregiver of my wife and family, although the situations are different the problems that the caregivers have to deal with are a lot alike.

    Sorry that I didn't have any help for you, but I will check in to see if you have been here or not. I spend most of my time on the chit chat board because this board is real slow.

    Just remember that I will keep you in my prayers for it isn't an easy road that we travel.

  3. pammy52

    pammy52 New Member

    I really appreciate your understanding and support.

    I know how much you do on the homefront and truly admire
    the support and understanding you give your wife.
    I dont think I have seen you mention much in the way of family support for you and your wife.

    I hope your folks continue to stay well. You are so tapped out as it is that having to provide much in the way of care for them would stretch you even thinner.

    I am going to search around for a website that is more involved with the care of family members,especially parents.
    I will let you know if I find one thats more active then this board on this subject.

    Hugs, Pammy
  4. tom-r

    tom-r New Member

    beable to offer them much in the way of support, I do have two brothers here in town that have been helping out my folks, I do have a sister that has said that if anything happens to my dad that she will have my mom go and live with her.

    My wife and I pretty much handle everything ourselves, it is tough sometimes but we survive. I think we survive anyway lol,