Newby going through stages of acceptance

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by maggie_d, Mar 27, 2006.

  1. maggie_d

    maggie_d New Member

    Hi everyone, I have been visiting this message board since I was diagnosed 2 months ago. I really needed to post today as last night I had a meltdown which, I think, is one step closer to acceptance. I was relieved to finally get a firm diagnosis from a rhematologist after suffering for years. The relief (and denial) has slowly turned to anger and frustration.

    The anger hit at the gym, I am slowing accepting not being able to exercise as I use to, but it really hit me last night and the tears flowed - sobbing. It is so hard to put on a brave front all the time and while I try not to mention my pain or limitations, sometimes I feel like screaming. I know it was a step in the right direction by letting the tears flow and my husband really got it. He is so supportive, but like you all know when you don't look sick it is hard for others to understand what we go through every single day.

    Thanks for letting me vent, I am enjoying this site and wish you all a great day.

    Maggie

  2. Crispangel66

    Crispangel66 New Member

    Good but also bad to have you here I hate to hear of one more person who has to suffer with this dd.

    The people saying oh but you look so good, or your just not trying, or your not putting it all in God's hands, don't get me wrong I am a christian but all of those are so annoying.

    Then having to deal with the fibro fog, pain, weakness, just getting over the fact that you need to slow down.

    What is bad is sometimes I still go through denial, I am applying for disability and each time I have been turned down by them, I began thinking well maybe I am just lazy and can work, WRONG!

    Anyway I was diagnosed by 3 different drs that didn't know my medical history, I didn't mention other dr's had said I had fms.

    That was a major time of denial, the first dr told me I had fms and said you may need to quit your job, I worked at a nursing home at the time.

    Well I kept working and when I came home I couldn't even stay awake and I was in horrible pain.

    Then we moved and I had already decided that I was fine and didn't have fms, I went to a dr and told him how I was feeling and he said well it sounds like you have fms, and it was the same old song and dance, I didn't believe it so I worked and finally, one more dr said I had fms and I finally started to believe them.

    He is still the dr I see today, and the dr I love, he actually listens to what you say and doesn't try to push you out the door so he can get to his next patient.

    If I do too much laundry or dishes or dusting I feel horrible and am in bed for days flaring.

    So now I have learned to slow down and my husband and son do alot. My son is only 12yrs old so he doesn't do toomuch and he is also disabled by seizures so I don't let him overdo it.

    But I am so blessed to have them in my life, and the other thing that helps me get through this, besides family, & doctor, is this board, they are so supportive.

    Well sorry this was so long, Good luck to you, Pamela

  3. IntuneJune

    IntuneJune New Member

    Welcome!

    I used to be a jogger/runner, loved running through the neighborhoods, always changing with the seasons, got to notice people, animals, etc.

    Anyway, those days are gone.

    But did not have to "give up" my exercising but did have to change styles, now it is pool (not repetitive swimming---oh yes, I had done that also, on alternative days from running), exercising in the water aerobically with stretching, tai chi, yoga...yep in the water.

    Also, on land, pilates, GENTLE yoga, stretching, physioball.

    Change your mind.....learn to like the new....

    (I know, not easy)

    Fondly, June
  4. mme_curie68

    mme_curie68 New Member

    Hi Maggie -

    I was just diagnosed in February of this year after 13 months of being on the doctor parade.

    I had tremendous difficulty with my dx at first. I am a scientist by background and an EMT and I desperately wanted a dx that found abnormal values - something that could be quantified, known and eradicated. Unfortunately, there is still so much unknown about FM - a lot of theories but not a lot of hard data yet.

    I have had to give up my conventional gym workout. I can't do it anymore anyhow - it caused too much pain and exacerbated my weakness instead of eradicating it. I was also dx'd with osteoarthritis in my feet and so much of a conventional workout is too hard on the feet.

    My rheumatologist recommended yoga and pilates. I finally jumped in yesterday and signed up for yoga again. I had my first class last night - the room is kept dark and warm and it really enables you to focus on your breathing and movement. I was sweating up a storm at the end, completely relaxed and surprisingly, this morning aside from a little additional achiness feel pretty darn good.

    Living with a chronic illness definitely takes adjustment - you have to do everything differently and it takes a while to accept this.

    I feel like I have a little leg up because I am in recovery - and part and parcel of my 12-step program is acceptance and living a new way of life that is completely in opposition with my old way that caused so much misery. It's helped with the acceptance and with getting over my anger.

    But with that acceptance is also my resolve to fight this DD on as many fronts as possible: diet, vitamins and supplements, medications, exercise and spirituality. I know all too well that life is too short - I've already been given a second life free of substance abuse - I don't want to waste the miracle that God returned to me with sobriety.

    You have to pace yourself and listen to your body. For me I have to do everything more slowly and it requires more planning than I used to have to do. I find this board to be helpful in every area, and a great place to vent when I feel like crap and everyone is expecting the "old me" from me when I can't produce.

    Welcome!
    Hugs,
    Madame Curie
  5. bunnyfluff

    bunnyfluff Member

    Sorry we have to meet this way. Just when I think I've accepted this (I've been Dx'd 4+ yrs) I melt down again.

    I was in almost complete remission last summer, and then had a nasty flare, and now I am worse than before. I do okay with acceptance, and then sometimes when i think about the next 30 years being like this, with no hope, I just break down again.

    And you're right, we don't look as bad as we feel- Thank God, or we would be scaring small animals and children on the street for sure!! :)
  6. maggie_d

    maggie_d New Member

    Thank you all for the warm welcome. I am so grateful for finding this site. It is one of my favourite times of the day. First thing in the morning I make a coffee when the house is still quiet and go online for 20 mins before getting ready for the day. I am home on lunch right now -I know I am lucky to be able to do that - and look forward to visiting later.
    Take Care,
    Maggie