Not doing good

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Sheila1366, Feb 1, 2006.

  1. Sheila1366

    Sheila1366 New Member

    Hey everybody.I am not doing real good right now.Been crying and can't stop.My depressin has hit rock bottom thanks to my most recent look at our checking account.I seem to keep causing us to have overdraft fees.But all I am doing is paying bills and gettting groceries.I never buy for myself never.I don't buy clothes,I never shop.We hav gotten so far behind.I had no idea it was this bad.My husband has told me that I am the reason for most of our money problems and I guess he is right.But how can I make things so bad whe I buy the only things we need?I gotta stop crying before carrie wakes up.I don't want to call my psych. cause she will make me come in.When I get like that I scare myself.If it weren't for Carrie I wouldn't fight so hard.Just when I thought things were going to be better this year this has to happen again.And it's all my fault.God I feel like I am falling apart.I need to be alone for awhile.I think I am going to call husband and have him leave the firestation early.Fortunately it doesn't affect his pay.I need to calm down and take my medicine.Probaly what I need right now is to sleep for a couple of days.I am so tired of fighting to be positive,to take care of things and just trying be ok.Usually my medicine helps but lately I have been down and thanks to bipolar the lows are just as bad as the highs.Please don't think of me as a credit junky or super spender.I swear I'm not.I just get what we need and pay bills.It's the darn overdraft fees that have gotten us behind.I just can't believe things haven't gotten so bad again and it is all my fault.All me.And this pain is not helping.My mind is just racing with crazy thoughts.I better go call my dr. You all rpay for me.The dark times do a number on me and it is so hard to crawl out them so hard.I am scared.Thank you for listening to me and helping and please pray for me.
    Sheila
  2. bozey

    bozey New Member

    I will pray for you. I am so sorry for all you are going through. I do know what you mean about the checking account balance. I too would get so depressed every week when I would pay bills. I would pay the utilities just a little over what the bill was for as I owed almost $500. If I did that, it at least looked like I was trying to catch up.

    But, I was still depressed about it. Tho' I am lucky enough to have never bounced a check but at one point, we were down to $6. in our account. I don't even remember being that broke as a teenager!!

    Things will get better in time. Call your honey and have him come home so you can relax and take a nap. Tommorrow is another day. Hopefully it will be better for you.

    HUGS!!

    bozey
  3. WoodstocksMusic

    WoodstocksMusic New Member

    I had an overdraft fee for the first time in years last month myself.

    about 5 years ago we were doing fine financially and so when this DD sent me spiraling down I stopped keeping my bank account balanced... I usually had 3 or 4 thousand extra sitting there and as long as over 3 or 4 months the balance was about the same I figured I was ok....and then I had to quit my job and things got tighter....but I still did fine for 3 years....but then Hubby's company stopped paying quarterly bonuses and that was another 10k a year that dissappeared and now I have to really watch what I pay and.... well I still cannot figure out how to keep a check register... and I was an accountant... managed the books for my company when I worked and spent hours on end hunting for even a penny off in my personal check book....

    Those days are gone now.... so I hear you loud and clear my friend...

    First thing you probably need to do is sit down and list all your fixed expenses... (house note...auto loan...etc.)

    Next list all your monthly expense that change some but not much....electric bills, gas bills, Telephone bills, Water bills...etc...

    Now don't forget any credit card bills you are paying on...

    once you have all your monthly expenses listed... list your monthly income..... take the difference between the income and fixed expenses and you get the money that is left for groceries and gaseoline for autos and such....always toss in about 100.00 per month for miscellaneous expenses....(that is just 25.00 per week and it covers medicines, a flat tire, or things of that nature that pop up only occasionally.)

    once you find what your actualy budget is...you will see that if your expense exceed your income then something has to give....if not then you will just have to buckle down and stay within that budget...

    One way to check yourself is to not keep very much cash in your wallet but write a check for everything for a month or 2 and you will see where it is going....(in your memo note if the check is for FOOD/CLOTHING/BABY EXPENSES) this month or 2 will help you get a good idea of where it is going!

    Good luck with your health...maybe you canget hubby to help you make a household spending plan (I hate budgets so I call mine a spending plan)... if he helps you make the spending plan he will help you stay within that budget....

    Remember to put away ATM cards (or keep them at home only for special weekend type emergency use... ATM cards will drain you of the flexible spending cash faster then you realize it is happening....and next thing you know somebody pulls out a hundred or 2 and forgets to record it!
  4. lin-z

    lin-z New Member

    It is absolutely not your fault about the money probs and I am not going to tell you about how much debt we are in,but we are ,and I cant work cuz of this dd. Your husband is venting and doesnt really blame you. It may be his guilt of not being able to provide for his family right now and "you always hurt the ones you love."

    Everyones finances, needs , etc. are different and if things are as bad as you say it may not be a bad idea to sit with a professional...Yes another expense but maybe one that can save you alot down the road.

    And I read your profile, saw your adorable picture, and you are def much too cool to be so hard on yourself!!


    Here's to brighter days!!

    Linds
  5. cjr2003

    cjr2003 New Member

    It can be so hard to make ends meet these days - even when both the husband and wife are working. Everything is so expensive. We just go to McD's and get two combo meals and there goes $11.00 out the account! I know what it is like to struggle with money, although we are doing better than what I thought we would w/ me not working right now. It can be so stressful when we feel guilty for not being able to help pay the bills; and there just isn't any thing than we can do about it. This disease can make life so hard sometimes. I don't have bipolar but I know that when a "low" comes for me due to stress from illness/disappointment from dealing with a chronic disease that sometimes it just seems like I cannot snap out of it no matter what! Getting outside and getting sunshine on the brain, and seeing nature seems to help me, and it is proven that lack of sunshine in the winter time can cause serious depression in many. I know how pain can bring you down, but try to focus on the blessings that you do have - your husband and Carrie (daughter?) . Sometimes it is the little things that I think of that really bring me the greatest comfort. And praying! Pray your deepest,most heartfelt prayer to the Lord and ask Him to help you,guide you, comfort you, and heal you. I will pray for you dear. You are not alone in your pain! Hope this helps! :>) LOL Carla
  6. NyroFan

    NyroFan New Member

    Sheila:
    Yes, rest sounds best. And everything is not your fault.
    It may seem like that, but you have to live with things that need to be bought. Do not stress. Like you said: rest might be best. I know it helped me. Like what has been said to me: I would like to give you a big hug. You rest up and do not stress.
    Hugs,
    NyroFan
  7. marmay35050

    marmay35050 New Member

    Sheila,

    Have you looked into help with your utility bills? Here in my town the Salvation Army and the American Red Cross can help with the heating bill, at least once a winter. This can be a very big help. I think you should go to a dollar store and spend $1 or $2 on just yourself - some bath powder or a pretty comb - and see that the world won't end if you do it. I hope you are getting your much needed rest. I will pray for you.
    Marlene
  8. achyinarkansas

    achyinarkansas New Member

    I'm so sorry you are feeling like this and in such deep depression. You will be in my prayers.

    Mandy
  9. PVLady

    PVLady New Member

    Honey, things will be better tomorrow. I agree, when you feel better - sit down a make a list of all your expenses. By the way, who pays the bills, you or your husband?

    If it is you, then you will feel much better when you start tracking every penny. I know it takes time but you won't have anymore overdrafts. I know overdrafts are very expensive and is is discouraging to have them.

    This is NOT your fault - forget that comment from your husband. You are doing the best you can, probably better than most.

    Get some rest... Hugs..
  10. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    maybe it is time for your husband to take over the bills and the grocery shopping then you will have a break and let go of the guilt you have...

    it doesn not need to be permanetly...but it would be less stress for you and guilt...

    or maybe you both can and should sit together and write out the bills...and both of you should go spend some quality time together and go gorcery shopping together...let him pay it.

    also i know you can do alot of automatic payments out of your accounts for auto insurance to phonebills...

    just some suggestions to help alliviate the guilt...until you can get yourself in a better place mentally....

    jodie
  11. Sheila1366

    Sheila1366 New Member

    I just love you all.Thank you.
    Today is a little better.I did take some medicine to calm me down and slpet til this morning.
    We are suppose to be on a budget.My husband saud he would take over the bills but the envelopes just lay there never being opened.I have tried to organize things just a few months ago.He just doesn't want to write the checks and balance the account.I have begged him to take over the account.I am tired of being the blame.I did get online and filled out an apllication working in a medical records dept. for a hospital working 4:00pm til 11:30.I gotta do something.I want so bad to sel some of my crafts,I thin they are cute but we need money now.
    Well I am going tothe gym this morning.Drinking aot of coffee.A bit hungover from the klonopin and flexeril.

    You all just don't know how much it means to me to have you all as my friends.I hate to be alone when I am sick,it scares me,but here on the board I am never alone.

    Thank you,
    Sheila