Not even sure what to say...but I am sort of venting

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by mykas_mommy, May 27, 2006.

  1. mykas_mommy

    mykas_mommy New Member

    I feel the need to get something off my chest, maybe someone else can relate, or maybe no one will read it. I am just so frustrated with my life and I am not sure how to change it.

    I am 37 year old single mom of a son with ADD. I am overweight, broke and have fm. I am raising my son with out any help from the sperm donor and little help from my family. And the "help" I do get from my family is generally them telling me that I am not a good mother. In fact when I was pregnant my mother even told me as much. My son was sick for 6 long weeks earlier this year running a fever, and my mother actually asked me if I had done something to make him sick. How would anyone go about making there child sick with a fever and no other symptoms???? I am undermined at every turn when I try to discipline my son. Yesterday was my nephews 11th birthday, we were going to go have dinner and who knows what else. My son was coming off his meds and was being difficult again. I had given him a third chance to be good and told him if he didnt behave we were going home. He ran outside with my nephew and was half way across the street. I told him it was time to go home and he ran to his grandma to rescue him. She actually took his hand and loaded him in her car and drove off with him. I followed her and when she parked, I got him and put him in his car seat to go home. He was screaming and she kept saying give him another chance. How would she have reacted had my grandma done this when I was a child. So yet again I am a bad parent and unfair to my son. To top it off he kept telling me he didnt want to stay with me he wanted his grandma, which just killed me. Its been 24 hours and I havent talked to my mom since.


    At work, I took this job because I thought it would be better for me than working with the public. I have lost a couple of jobs because I was "rude" to people. I am very matter of fact in my talking and I am sure that it comes off as rude. My last job it was completely out of the blue because all the patients would come and wait for me to talk to instead of the other receptionist because I was the nice one with a smile on my face ALL the time. I was always told how nice I was and what a joy it was to deal with me. But the day I was let go I was told the Dr's had recieved complaints that I was rude and didnt want to deal with it anymore. They couldnt give me examples or anything but said bye bye. So I got this job as data entry working for 4 radiology centers. At first I was being praised for my work saying that they wished they would have had me a long time ago because I was so fast in getting them information in the computer. I was given more responsibility and there was talk of moving me up to have my own center to work on. I had gone from December to April without meds for my fm and I was in terrible pain and a deep deep depression. I started experiencing my first bout of fibrofog and I really thought I was going crazy. I began making errors in my data entry something very unheard of normally with me. My manager began taking work away from me and wrote me up for making too many errors. I was written up 10 days later again for errors and for being rude to my coworkers, telling me my coworkers were afraid of me. And I was told that if I was written up again, I would be fired. I have become syrupy sweet to everyone telling them yes maam and no maam. Started taking my time with data entry so my errors would go down. So far it has paid off.

    I kept hanging on in a job I really dont like because I thought I would be getting my own center this summer. Well yesterday when I came back from lunch, I heard my supervisor offer the new center to someone else. This person is very hateful to me, but is wonderful to everyone else. If I tease her about something she gets pissed off at me or goes and tells on me. I am just about at the end of my rope at this job. If I have to work under her I will never survive.

    So to sum this long vent up, I am having hard time being told that in whatever I do that I am not good enough. I am in terrible pain today. I have laid in bed most of the day and hollered at my son to leave me alone. I hate my life but I dont know how to fix it. Jobs around here are hard to come by.

    ARRRRRGGGGGG God help me!!!!

  2. mamie43

    mamie43 Member

    Wow! You sure have a lot going on right now. Its very, very stressful to have your mom not trusting you with your son, having to work where its so challenging because of the fibro, then,having a co-worker who's a trouble maker!!! No wonder you feel that you hate your life!

    I wish that I could do magic for you; just snap my fingers and make everything ok. There's one good thing in life and that is NOTHING EVER STAYS THE SAME. Maybe you can continue working there while looking for another job. You can keep your spirits up a little knowing you might be out of there soon!

    You also have the right to ask your mom to not interfere with your discipline. Asking her politely sometimes helps the situation a lot. Or you can ask her for some help with your son. It would be good for you to destress once in a while all by yourself for a couple of hours. You would get your mom's positive attention by approaching her calmly and politely. This usually works better than angry discussions.

    Right now, you are the only one who is in charge of making your life better. It would help a lot if you could talk to someone you can trust. Maybe a counselor, a friend or a relative, to vent to when you feel like life is too hard to deal with. Another option is to seek a good doctor that can help you receive a disability pension. I know it seems rough right now, but time changes everything as long as you are involved in getting a less stressful life.

    You can start with one change at a time, if you like. Its all up to you!

    Hugs,
    Mamie43

    Always remember that you have that power, we all do. Its actually putting it into play thats the key.
  3. painandagony

    painandagony New Member

    I don't know what else to say except hang in there. You are a great mom and know what to do (i.e. sticking to your discipline rules). Your mother does not seem to get how important that is, no matter where you are, or who you are with. She also seems like she has been this way from the beginning....during your pregnancy she was telling you hurtful things. Like everyone else who posted said...try to talk openly and kindly with her and if that doesn't work, I would decrease the time spent with her or talking to her. If she tries to make you feel guilty, tell her how you feel - how she makes you feel. Who needs someone telling them they're not doing a good job - at anything, much less childrearing.
    What was it that someone posted...what makes you weak, makes you stronger...I know, I know, we are all strong enough!! My husband likes to kid me and tell me my challenges are character building-I've got character coming out of my you know what! lol
  4. mykas_mommy

    mykas_mommy New Member

    I appreciate everyones posts. I felt better just writing my vent. Life just seems so overwhelming at this point in time.

    To the one who asked my son is 3. He was on focalin xr but he had a side effect of terrible diarreah. So a week ago we switched him to adderall.

    Thanks again all
  5. sfrazier

    sfrazier New Member

    I too raised a child that was adhd and it was the hardes thing i have ever done. I was married at the time but my husband was in the navy so not there very ofter. I use to cry every night wondering what i had done and what i could do. I tried ritalin and kept him on that till he reached puberty. Some children settle down after that. My sun did to a point but I still have some problems and he is 20 now. The bab mommy part is the worst cause you think that if you would just do someting different things would be better. I don't know if this will help but the way a doctor explained it to me so that I could actually understand what was going through his mind. You know a movie picture is made up of tiny little frames that all come together to make a whole pictures. Well with adhd there are days that the child might get the whole picture but other days they maybe only get a few frames so they don't understand. Take you time to talk to him and understand that it's not his fault but the way is seeing things. Some times just a quite place to call down and talk to him is all that is needed other times time outs don't work and that is when you need to take the child home to something quiet that he can settle his brain down. this is long but i hope it really helps. i know what it was explained to me that way i finally understood. as for you mother she will have to understand that disaplining a adhd is different from diaplining a normal child. good luck...SueF
    [This Message was Edited on 05/27/2006]
  6. mamie43

    mamie43 Member


    My son has ADHD and I agree with all of you. He has so many allergies that he cannot be on the meds because of severe reactions. My husband and I adopted him when he was 4.
    My F.M. was intense and I knew it would be a long rough road; because I knew of his diagnosis.

    At times I thought I was such a failure and once my husband told me he couldn't take it anymore. There were daily tantrums and the schools kept him at the office almost the whole day, everyday. I asked my husband to let me raise him because his anger became too intense I thought he would beat him to a pulp. Luckily he hadn't.

    Every night for over a year, I laid beside him at bedtime and read him a story. Once the story ended the crying would start. He cried for up to 2 hours every night eventhough I was right there beside him rubbing his back. He also suffered from migraines, still does and was very depressed because he missed his mother. I hung in there, because I love him so much and I didn't want him to go to another foster home in fear he would be abused or neglected.

    He learns when he's taught one on one. Without meds, this is a very challenging task. I'm lucky my husband works and that I can raise him. It was his birthday yesterday and my hubby brought him to a Monster Truck show. I can't believe it. This would have never happened in the first couple of years. He would have ran full speed ahead and my husband would have lost him.

    Finally the crying stopped, and we began seeing better days because now he slept through the night but had some night terrors once in a while. His life before he came to us was a living hell. He was malnourished, abused and left alone in the dark to fend for himself. My husband hung in and began to pay attention to him once more.

    I've been homeschooling him for over 2 1/2 years. He's now 11.
    Its a huge challenge but I don't give up. He's come a long way and I can't imagine what his life would have been if he slipped through the cracks like many children in the system do. So mykas_mommy and all of you don't feel like you are not good moms. You are great courageous women and you should be proud of yourselves.

    Hugs,
    mamie43
  7. Jana1

    Jana1 New Member

    VERY FEW people have the love and patience needed to take a four year old with problems and change the child's life to good. You are a hero!

    Jana
  8. mamie43

    mamie43 Member

    Thank you for your very big compliment. You are one of the very few that actually sees this as something good.

    I don't see myself as anything but a mom who loves her child. Almost everyone was against this adoption and they've even told me that I will not make it because of my F.M. His teachers said that he will never read. He reads at the level he would be in if he were in school. He can add decimals and is multiplying 4 digit numbers.

    My husband's a machine operator and my son can drive and manoeuver all of them. He can drive a car and even baits his own hook when he's fishing.

    You are a kind lady and thank you very much,
    Mamie43
  9. elastigirl

    elastigirl New Member

    I haven't been to the board in a while, but the incident with 'grandma' struck a nerve with me.

    My mother has a mental condition that causes her to be unpredictable and unstable at times. Othertimes, she's fine -- even loving and considerate, so I get lulled into trusting her.

    But one time she really, really stepped over the line. I won't go into details, but it ended in my informing my stepfather (because my mother wouldn't take me seriously) that one more incident like that would result in a restraining order (to protect my son's safety.) My stepfather knew I was serious, and my mother hasn't been that unstable since. However, I'm still cautious.

    If Grandma endangers your son's safety like that again (I'm guessing she didn't strap him in a child seat? Or ask your permission before taking him?) -- set a boundary. It's hard enough being a mom without knowing when the rug might get pulled out from under you.

    I hope things get better for you :).[This Message was Edited on 05/30/2006]