Not feeling great more pain than normal

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia and ME & Chronic Fatigue Syndrome' started by rosemarie, Nov 25, 2012.

  1. rosemarie

    rosemarie Member

    I have been going thru a great period of stress. My Mom fell last August and spent a month and a half in rehab where she imporved and also declined. She had to be put on an IV drip for a day and a half. She was so confused for days after and still is. She still has days where she is confused and disorinted and is so malnurished and dehydrated . She is not getting enough fluids and she is not acting like her self. She is so confused about so much. She has been haivng home health care comming in three times a week and now both the nurse and teh phyicla threapy feel that mom has declined so much that she is not safe in her own home alone most of the day,
    My daughter lives with her and she and her husband have just bought a house and are fixing it up. They are taking their time so that Mom does not feel rushed in any thing that may happen.
    She has been going thru some rough times thinking that everyone is not talking to her or telling her the whole story. She thinks they are not telling her every thing and that they talk to me or my sister before they talk to her. And every thing they discuss is discussed in front of her. She does not remember any thing.
    I have been going in to talk to her every day to make sure that she gets enough to eat and drink but in the past week I have stopped trying to force her to drink as it only upsets her and makes her mad at me. I have been taking her to her doctors and she thinks that she needs to see teh dermitologist asap but it has been less than a month since she last saw him.

    I have talked to my brother about mom and that she can't be left alone any more all day long , then a week ago she went to the ER to be treated for a bad UTI and was treated with an IV antibitoic as wewll as an oral one. She was so nasuous taking the oral meds but made it thru it ok.

    She still is having days where she can't remember what happened the day before. She tells me that she thinks that my brother is going to put her in a nurseing home and she does not want to go. She called me and was in tears the other day because she feels so alone and not wanted around.
    I am so stressed about all of this and it is causeing me to flare really badly. I am under so much stress that I can't deal with my life.

    I know that my mom can't live forever and that she won't ever be the same person she once was. It may be nessary to put her in a home. I don't know how I am going to deal with this. I know that she needs to have more care.
    I am hurting so much I want to cry and I don't know how to deal with all the family stress I am dealing with. I am so upset and stressed I can't deal with this much longer. How do you deal with wathcing your mom die becasue she will do that when put in a nurseing home.

    I don't know how to cope with all the stress and the pain that is with me all the time , I can't stand it any more.
    I don't mean to cripe or complain or whine. I just need to know that I am not going nuts and that I have a real reason for all the darn constant pain I have to live with.
    Thanks for the listen.
    Rosemarie
  2. sunflowergirl

    sunflowergirl Active Member

    You're going thru such a hard time. You love your mom and it's hard when we see them going down hill. It's doubly hard when the rest of the family isn't on the same wave length as you. You CAN'T continue to take all the burden of your mom on yourself. I did that with my mom, totally ignoring my own body. We HAD to put her into assisted living. She fought us about it, but once she saw that this is the way it had to be, she actually improved for a good two years. My mother was a passive aggressive, and knew when she was controlling things. It took me a long time to realize that.

    All I can offer is a prayer and advising you to give it all to God and let him take care of it. I think we all get to that point when we have a hard time coping. Take care.
  3. gb66

    gb66 Active Member

    I hate that you're having to go through so much. No, you're not going nuts. What you have to deal with would make a healthy person feel stressed out.

    I wish I could help you feel better. I know it's hard.
    One thing I would check into if I were in your situation is the kind of medication and the amounts that your mother is on. Doctors sometimes over prescribe for the elderly and they should under prescribe if anything.

    Also, some medications interact. If I took all the stuff that doctors have wanted to prescribe for me I wouldn't know my name! This is important to check out.

    I have CFS/MF and some other issues as well, and I'm also in the elderly category, so I worry about the nursing home stuff for my future. I would check out assisted living places first, not nursing homes. Some of the apartments are really nice and they also offer meals and transportation to shopping and medical appointments.

    This is not like nursing home living. Maybe your mother is still well enough to do this. GB66
  4. rosemarie

    rosemarie Member

    I have been to her doctor every time she has seen him. Her meds included metatorpol, coumidim{WArfarin}, synthroid and a new throyid med. She has been dehydrated alot and is malnurshied, and is suffering greatly from memory problems, and so much other medical porblems, she has A-fib and had an attack last week her heart was racing, quivering and the heart monitor was getting strange readings. They would go from 25 beats per minute. to 195 and then to a more normal of 85 this went on all night in the ER.
    We have been thru her meds thru a fine tune comb as her last fall was due to an antibitoic that cuased her to not asrob fluids and messed up her thryoid in how it worked.

    Mom has days like to day where she is very lucid and others where she is way off beat and not in the real world.

    My sister was to have gone over on SAturday to fix mom some supper but never showed up so mom didn't get dinner or any thing to drink till 9 pm when my daughter got home.

    My brother is going in to talk to a social worker about mom and her going down hill fast. She is upset about possialbe going to a nursing home as she wil just sit in her bed and watch TV and dose just as she does at home. She will not go out to the entertainment that they have there. MOm is so lonely and hates being left alone.
    For the past many years I have been the one to stay with her when she is sick and in the hospital. I have stayed over nights with her so that she won't be alone and afraid of being so alone and lost.
    She feels that she does not want to go to heaven as there will be no one to greet her but I know my dad will be there even tho it has been forty years since he passed away. Daddy will be there to great her and she wil be mad at him for dieing and leaving ehr wtih 3 kids to raise alone in 1969.

    I am hurting so badly that i really want to scream and cry. My bldy aches so deeply from the waist down and my hips, thighs, and feet are in so much pain that I want to cry. I am getting zapped and having sharp pains in my butt cheeks and in so much pain I can't deal with this much more.

    I am so close to screamoing from the never ending pain I am in. I have not had leeg hip pain or calf pain like I have now. Sunday I played with my grandkids adn pushed them on teh swings and it was so much fun except for all the standing but I will stand and push them any time they want to swing. I love playing with my grandkids so much and hate it that I struggle with it so much. I want to be a normal grandma who can run push h er grandkids in the swings and not pay for it for days afterwards. I am so tired, fatiqued exhusted but not like you would think, I am not drooping and as soon as I sit down my eye's close and my mind starts to stop thinking aobut how much pain I am in. I dozed off but I could hear the TV going and I could hear my hubby talking on his cell but I was not really allert. When my hubby spoke to me I was suddenly wide awake and alert. I can't sleep most nights and I am in so much pain that when I do sleep it is at teh wrong time of night. I need to stay awake earliiier and go to sleep later on.

    I hate feeling like an old lady and I am sick of feeling like I failed my grandkids asI can't play with them with out causing me alot of pain that lasts for days.


    What can I do? I want to be around for my grandkids so much and I love them and want to be abel to see them often and be around to love them. I don't want them to see me like I was today and maybe tomorrow. This pain is so bad taht I can't think straight and I am in so much pain that I can't do what I want to do with my grandkids. Please help me to know what to do.
    I love my life and want my mom to be happy and to be in a safe place. I just dont' like feeling like it is my fault putting her in teh home. I know that it is no longer safe for her to be alone. But my biggest fesar is that when she goes in to a nursing home she will not get the best care as no nursing home that will watch her and check on her to get her to drink water or juice. I knowq that they are understaffed and I have worked in them, and i know that when you put little old people living in a nursing home as soon as they get forgetfull and don't remember things teh staff don't belive in checking on her and how she is really doing. They don't pay attention to her and how she really is doing there. I want her to get teh best care possialbe but i don't know if that is possialbe to have.

    Just like I don't know how long I will bed albe to play with my grandkids as much as I want to . I hate fibro, CMP, DDD, spinal stenosis, and end stage oesteo-aarthrtiiis in both knees. I can'at afford to get my knee's replaced and I don't qualify for any assistance for the surgery or for my meds that will go up jan 1. Between my husband and I we make just over $100 per month too much to qualify for any extra assistance for me. So I am up a creek with out a paddle and won't get the money help I really need. I don't have any dental or vision care and I don't have any one that can help me out. So I am up a rock and a hard spot. I am so screwed in that area, I don't know what to do or how or who could help me. IF we go in to the fiscal cliff I am screwed up big time. I get $322.10 a month after mediacre is taken out and tax's too so I am just screwed and the presdient and goverment profit from people like me. There is nothing I can do aobut it at all. I will have to work things out for my self. I guess.
    Sorry for the gr iping about the goverment it is not all their fault as well. Sorry about that comment.
    HUGS
    Rosemarie
  5. sunflowergirl

    sunflowergirl Active Member

    and that's the reason you don't qualify. If I was in that position and the benefits you could be receiving from government are way above the $l00 you bring in, I think I would tell my husband to go talk to his company. Some companies allow you to defer $ for health care or IRA......I'm assuming your husband does that. I believe then the government looks at the bottom line/take home pay. Perhaps you could find a financial person to discuss this with. Your tax man if you use one. There are also free call in shows where you could ask some questions.

    And I hope you take this in the context I'm offering it.......have you been made to feel guilty your whole life because your father died at an early age and left your mother to raise you 3?
  6. rosemarie

    rosemarie Member

    My hubby does not like it that I have applied for any assistance. But he does not have the money to help out like I really need. His feelings are a totally male thing he is the provider and teh father of the family but he does not understand my illness or any thing that comes with it. the doctor visits the pain meds. ect. Just stop them is the feeling I get he would like to tell me. But it is like telling him to stop his insluin and to eat right stop eating the bag of chips and dips and don't eat the full two servings of mac and cheese that is pre packaged. IF he ate better he would feel better and not need as much insluin . But it is his body and he is the one that has to choose how to live his life and how he handles his dibetes. I don't tell him how to handle his illness so I think he should not tell me how to cope with what I have. That also inclued the money part of it.

    I dont' work and am on disability and have been for almost 6 yrs. I get a small alotment under $400 a month.Buy the time that my medicare payment is taken out and tax's are out I am left with $322.10 and that has to buy my meds, any doctor visits, gas for my car, other bills I have and still have enough to do buy things that I need shoe's clothes ect. I dont' have any real spoending money and I don't have enough to pay for my meds when they get increased next year. I dont' know what to do or who to ask for any help. I have gone thru Social Security and two other aganicies and all tell me the same thing with my husband we make too much money for any assistance and in every case I have to include my husbands income. So I have to learn to deal with it. I will find a way to make things work.
    IN answer to your question have I been amde to feel guilty about because my dad dies early the answer is no. Mom went back to school and got a job and worked for the same doctor for 26 years. We had every thing we needed and most of the things that we wanted.

    The part I feel bad about it that I don't want my mom to get old and die, this watching her get weaker and weaker is making me sick. My sister does not help out as much as she could she does not do even things that she has said she would do. She says that her phone does not work right and drops calls and won't ring when it's called. Some times seh answers her phone and other times the world could be falling down and my sister would not answer her phone. It drives me nuts.
    I know that she has her issues too and she has a lousy husband but he does not live with her and she could answer her darn phone..
    She has said that she can't handle watching mom die so who can? Waht does she think that my daughter who lives with my mom can handle it and still make mom's getting worse not seem sad to her two boys who are 5 and 2 yrs.?
    I am so stressed out that I am struggleing to deal with it . My brother only comes when we think mom is getting worse and could die or need to go in to a nursing home. Scream !!!!!! I don't know what the answer is and I don't know how to get my family to stop being so selfish and be more supporting of mom. HElp her more come see her more often and don't leave it up to me to take care of her every holiday we have as my daughter is going out opf town fore christmas and there will be four to five days where someone will need to stay with mom most of the day and all night and it is not going to be all me. I can't do it. I don't know how to get them to help but I am not going to be around to stay with MOm for 5 days and nights.
    Well I am done gripping for now, I have to go and see MOm.
    HUGs to you for listening to me venting
    HUGS
    Rosemarie