Not here for a while - I'm beaten.

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by kjfms, Oct 16, 2011.

  1. kjfms

    kjfms Member

    I just keep getting worse. I have tried every thing, it seems, but my FMS pain continues to get worse each year. I can't type very much any more because my fingers hurt but I continue each day like my physician tells me. I cry through exercise every day too. I just feel so beaten. My physician is sending me to a rheumatologist because of the new and worsening pain issue. Muscles creams are helping, pain medication help some, exercise makes it worse but I understand that we need to keep moving (I guess). I don't sleep. I'm tired. Just tired and so tired of constant pain. Thanks for reading.


    LEFTYGG Member

    im sorry youre gettingworse. jamin also hate to see you in more pain. i get so aggravated when people tell me to walk.I CANT WALK! if I walk any distance I literaly cant walk the next day. i used a massager on my feet and the next day i had to crawl to the bathroom.

    we all are different so do what your body tells you. i know sugar makes me worse but i still eat things i shouldnt. stress is the worst but how do you get away from that?

    cold weather is a killer for me. i really respect jamins info on supps and now its all coming to light about thyroid and vit d.

    hang in there and try to keep your head up. love gail
  3. kjfms

    kjfms Member

    Many thanks. I'm sorry can't sit at the computer very long today. Will return as soon as able.

  4. nah.stacey

    nah.stacey Member

    What have they got you on for pain? sleep?

    I too haven't been on here for quite some time. I had been too busy trying to figure out a way to do myself in that wouldn't cause my husband soo much pain or have a mess to clean up. I wanted everything taken care of so it would be as painless as possible. He deserves so much better than I am giving him.

    I have tried everything, been to every doctor, made every complaint, had surgery, took drugs, get site injections, got more drugs. Then last month I hit the low mark. I put my plan in place.
    But DAMMIT I am still here. Oh but wait, it gets worse, or better depending upon your take.

    I ran out of oxycodone too early so I took more Ambien to compensate for the screaming withdrawals. Did you know that after four hours of taking my last oxy the withdrawals began. Acute anxiety, HEAVY sweating, and pain so deep in my legs it feels like it is in your very bone marrow. I wanted to die. So I thought this was the perfect time to execute my plan. Took 15 ambien and waited for the end. and woulnd't you know it, here I sit one month later still typing on the pain site. But let me tell you something. After I came to and found I was still here, I realized I was OUT of Ambien and OUT of Oxycodone. The plain and simple truth was, I WAS JUST SCREWED.

    I got my next oxy refill two days later but my RX for ambien wasn't available for another three weeks minimum. Luckily, or not so luckily, I had an RX for Lorazapam, used for adult insomnia even though it is an anti-seizure. Phew, dodged that bullet. But hey that only lasts for two weeks, I am getting a little nervous. NO SLEEP is not an option, what will I do???? So I start dipping into my oxy to compensate for the Ambien withdrawals, AGAIN, ACUTE anxiety, Even heavier sweating, and manic dreams that would rival anything Stephen King AND Stephen Spielberg could put together for a "motion picture of the year" award. Scared spitless, I take more oxy trying to stave them off. but oh SH....crap I am running out of oxy too fast THOSE withdrawals are even WORSE!!!!! So I throw the brake on this runaway train now that I realize I have no way OUT!!!! I see the sparks just flying off the handle as I try to slow down the oxy use. I went from 160 mg a day to 80, to 40 to 15mg within a two week time. The withdrawals are sssoooo acute I am praying for death, but it isn't coming and I think my heart will explode. I have lost 20 lbs. and my skin is as clear as a baby's.
    Then one morning I wake up and realize, wait a minute........ where are the body aches? the acute joint pain???????? the achy bone marrow?????? The tiredness is still there I am not sleeping very well, but wait I haven't had ambien or anything stronger than Tylenol PM since...... a month ago. Could it be true????? Could it be, I was at a toxic level of ambien that was causing more than I reallly have????? Not pain free, not less sleepy, but the fluish symptoms are missing. The bone marrow deep ache is missing. Joints are easing up. What is this???????

    HOLY CRAP!!!!!!! I have been being poisoned for soooooo long and I didn't even know it.

    We never get here by taking meds for fun. We take them as legitimate uses for chronic pain, or sleep issues, which is the first to usually go on this. We are not in this for the fun. Yet there are sooo many things the pain doc's don't tell us about what we are taking. Big pharmaceuticals are their tools of the trade. It is actually what we are seeking after we have tried everything else out there. We NEVER asked for the pain, or the sickness, but we also don't realize that the more we take the more withdrawals we will start to manifest with the longer we are on them. I had started out taking nothing more than ambien, I was just soo very tired. The beginning of the end for me. I left a post on here titled: Long time Ambien useres??? Beware. if you want to read my whole story.

    I don't recommend the method I took to get where I am now and it will take a deep catalyst for you to get to a point that you can look elsewhere. But God willing you won't get to where I got and make your family suffer what I have put mine through.

    I am only on day six of complete drug-free, other than Savella (anti-depressant) and blood pressure meds and continue to fight my own demons daily. But I see hope in my husbands eyes for the first time in ten years. I am coming awake from the inside out and it's like being microwaved from hot to cold, but I know I needed to do this for myself as well as my Hubby.
    Bless his soul for staying with me, he is all I have left to show for a beloved mother of 48, with five children (one deceased) who don't know who their mother is.

    I pray you find HOPE and HELP anyway you can. Don't do anything alone.
    [This Message was Edited on 10/19/2011]
  5. pastorwife

    pastorwife Member

    I was told by a physical therapist that we FMS/CFS patients need tender care. She said if you have CFS, she has to be sure not to overheat your body. Maybe that's happening when you're exercising? I agree with the suggestion of GENTLE stretches. Slow movement. No exertion of any kind. Walk as much as you can tolerate and no further. I'm hoping that this is just one of those bad phases for you and that it will get better.