Not so great of a day today

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by rosemarie, Apr 12, 2006.

  1. rosemarie

    rosemarie Member

    How can a week go down hill so fast is amazing to me. As most of you know I got to spend the weekend with my grandson and I now have the cutest vidieo of him sleeping and he would smile and make the cutest faces.
    But alas the weekend is long gone and I hurt like hell today. My right knee makes more noice's than most, it groans, grinds, sratches, squeaks, squeals. And much more .And it just hurts too.

    Yes I know that I need a total knee replacement but I have had so many surgeries in the past few years that I am just not about to have thiis one done any time soon. I watched one of my dear friends go thru this surgery last year and she was off work for 6 months and it almost cost her the job she has. And she had to have the adheasions broken up under total ansthiesa. Far more money and pain than I am will to go through right now.

    I get kinda bummed that just as the last flare has ended I can feel another comming on. Or maybe it is this darn weather that changes with each minute. They have a saying here in Utah, " If you don't like the weather, just wait 5 minutes ". And it is about right. Right now it is every 3 days , it gets warm then rains then snows and then it repeats again . OVer and over again. I am so tired of it. I could just scream.

    So I don't know if I am really starting to flare again or if it is just this darn weather. I guess I will have to wait a day or so. But I am just so sick of this pain. And the sleepiness I get during the day time. I know it is after midnite here and what am I doing? Playing on the computer. I should be sleeping but as soon as my head hits that pillow I am wide awake and there is no sleep for me, I have to get up and walk around, climb up the stairs and get a glass of milk to take the break through pain meds so that the pain will ease up for a few minutes to let me relax.

    I just saw the PA and she is nice enough and wants me to be on a shcedule for my MSContin. I am to take 5 pills a day. And I don't, I have had so much BS from family that I have suffered and not taken the pills when I should just so that I don't get told once again "Mom your taking too many pain pills again" Not that the family knows anything about how to take pain meds when you have chronic pain but they all think they know what is best for me and tell me this as often as they feel I need it. And one daughter has firmly told me that when she has kids I will NEVER be allowed to baby sit them as long as I am on any kind of narcotic pain pill. She feels really strong about it. But so did my youngest daughter.

    She had a tough time letting me carry my grandson when he was born but about a5 months suddenly it was fine for me to carry the baby and now that he is one I get him handed to me to carry and I put him down and hang on to his fingers and let him walk. HE trys to run and it hurts to have him walk between my legs or on the side of me. But I can carry him and she does not care about that.

    I was handing him to her and letting him walk he pulled his hand from mine and took the door for support and fell and bit the dust and almost hit his head on the frame of the door and could have been really hurt badly but she didn't think that I was at fault to this . And the baby He was more pissed off that she was wipeing the dirt out of his face than he was hurt. But I was really upset that I must have let go of him to soon and he could have gotten hurt.

    I am tired and I have been worried about the middle daughter as she has been going through alot of tests for stomach pain and has no family around her or any where near her as she is a nanny in Conniticut. And I don't have the cash to fly out there and stay with her for the tests she needs
    done. But I feel like I should be there for her support. And I can't, so maybe that is the reason I am feeling so much pain this week from STRESS! And if that is not enough I have been bitten by some darn bug most likely a spider and when I find it I will kill the darn thing. So I have this bright red bite on my leg, it is the size of a small button just a few cm. And the first day it itched so badly that I strached the head off of it and it was icky and bled for a while. So I put a cold pack on it and to my surpirse it went from being cold to bright red and very hot to the touch .
    I called the doc on call and what I am doing is what he said to do. ICe and a antiflamitory and watch it and since then it has been just fine.
    No red streaks or heat but it does itch. The darn bugs. I am going to get the hubby a new week end chore on that HONEY DO list. Spray for spiders and all bugs in the house and outside of the house.
    And since he is SCARED of SPIDERS he better do it soon or I will have the son in law do it and that means I will clean up the bed room and around the floors and in other rooms so that he can spray the base boards and then spray out side too.

    So what has made this week go from being really nice and oless pain to please shoot me now and "can I have more of that pain medicatation because I need more than most people do because I can't handle pain like any one else." See I watch too much TV that was from :"Look who;s talking" Just as she is in labor she tells the doctor that pharse about her needing more than anyone else did because she had more pain and did not cope with pain as well as others did. And it fits my feelings today.

    Only thing is that I do need more pain meds than the regualr people do. I take more narcotics than they do and I am used to it so it takes more to make the pain ease up and sometimes even then it does not help. That is where I was going about the PA putting me on a schedule with the pain meds. I have a script that says to take my MSContin 5 times a day and the MSIR 4 times a day. And I take them when I the pain gets to me instead of keeping the pain undercontrol.

    But I have been usuing 3 pills a day and doing quite well but not as good as I should be doing, IF I take all 5 some how my husband thinks that my being sleepy all day is all from the pain meds instead of the fibro. Well part of the being tired is from the meds but some of it is the fibro.

    But no one gets that part of it.I don't want much just someone who will understand that I hurt all day 24/7 and it never takes a day off. And I have been in pain for so long that I really do hurt far worse than most people think I do. Or so I have been told. \Some thing about the nervouse system is always sending sygnals to my brain telling it that I am in pain so it has run out of the chemical for pain. { Brain fart cant think of the name of this} And there for the pain does not get help. It was explained to me like this,

    She put her hands out in front of me and said that when there is pain the body sends this chemical and it finds all the parts that hurt adn then she put her fingers together so that they fit inside each one. But with me there is not enough to go around so I dont get the pain releif that I need. Sorry I am not so good at explaining this to you.

    So she worked out a schedule for me and that was great but I will still take the morning pain pills and do some chores and then I am so tired and my muscles are twisting so that I will take a soma and I will sleep. Then I sleep off and on all day and I forget to take the pain pills when I should be taking them so this is not working for me.

    And I have gotten so used to takeing the mimumin amount of the meds that it is hard for me mentally to take the amount I should be takeing. I don't want the family to know that I am taking all of the pain pills I am prescribed because they think that when I take less I am more awake and fuction better than when I take all 5 of them.

    So now that I have toally confused you as to the real topic of this post I am sorry. I am just hurting and tired and fursterated by all the painI have and it is not all from the fibro as we went over all the things I need pain meds for, it didn't help to make me feel better.

    I have fibro, chronic meyofacial pain syndrome, facet syndrome, degenerative disc diease,ridulopathy {SP},2 discs that are bulging L4-L5 ** L5-S1, arthritis in my knees, wrist and back, and ankle too. I think that is all of them it sometimes is so over whelming to think that I have so many parts of me that just are not working like they should. But I can say for sure NORMAL is not what I am.

    Sorry for all the rambling on about everything but the topic I Put on that line. But I really do wonder what is going in and why does everything go down hill so fast?
    But that is anyother topic I guess. I am giveng up and trying to go to bed once more and sleep.


    Thanks for doing the one thing that my famiy can't.
    UNDERSTAND & ACCEPT ME FOR WHAT I HAVE.
    and you all BELIEVE ME WHEN I SAY I AM IN PAIN.
    That is all I want from them but it is so hard for them to do. For some reason they have to judge me instead of just accepting the fact that there is something wrong with me and all their griping & bit#$%^ will not change what my body is going through every day all day long.

    Rosemarie
  2. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    i can not really even take any darn meds...allergic to them or will make my depression worse..side effects...
    and if i wanted to take something stronger i have to make sure i do not have to drive or do anything ...

    well maybe some day i will live to see a cure for this darn stuff we have...

    hang in there and i understand...

    jodie lots of hugs too
  3. NyroFan

    NyroFan New Member

    Rosemarie:
    I am so sorry you are having such a rough time. My only suggestion would be to take the pain pills and rest.
    Who cares what your family says about narcotics? That is between you and your doctor. And if your daughter will not let you keep your grandchild while you medicate, well--let us see how long that will last. Not very long, I would imagine.

    Yes, I do know what you are going through. There are days I also want to SCREAM. The ongoing pain and never ending symptoms are maddening.

    Feel better soon and please keep in touch and let us know how it goes. Remember my one suggestion (and that is all it is): take the meds and rest. Hopefully that will help and maybe also relax you enough to get a good night's sleep, which we all need.

    hugs,

    nyrofan
  4. andnat

    andnat New Member

    I to live in Utah and know what you mean about the wheather altrough today is a beautiful day so far. Iam sorry for the rough spell your goiong through If it helps to know I will be praying for you. I have come to accept

    the fact that know matter what you say family and friends cant understand even if they try how can they? This is

    something if your not going through youll never understand, anyways accepting this fact has help me quit stressing about the fact they dont understand its really not their fault. Just like we could never understand what someone else might be going through if we never have.

    One thing is for sure We on this board understand, isnt it amazing how complete stangers can support and encourage one another when our closet family cant.

    God Bless andnat