Not sure where to post this?

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by seireiofhope, Dec 12, 2010.

  1. seireiofhope

    seireiofhope New Member

    Ugh, so, gonna vent a little first before I ask for advice. My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 months now, and care very much for each other. He is tries to be very understanding of my fibro, even when i ask him to take me out back and shoot me. Ha ha. But anyways, because of all the medication changes (birth control, and stuff for my pain and sleep; I am a newly diagnosed) it has made my libido go down so much I haven't been aroused in a month and a half. Or when I have been, I am usually in a flare up. This frustrates him (and me as well) and he starts to make jokes about it. We actually just had a fight over that...still haven't forgiven him, but anyways.
    Have any of you had this problem? I am 20 years old and usually have a very high libido. What can I do? I am trying to level out my medications, but even then I am having flare up's every few days, so it doesn't work out well. I want to be intimate with my boyfriend, but I just haven't felt up to it physically. Tips would be wonderful!
    Sorry for the awkward question >.<
  2. ilovepink4

    ilovepink4 Member

    Hello Seirei* I am sorry about your diagnosis of fibro....You are so young to have this isn't weird but it is unfortunate....I have fibro, too...I am 43, married for a long time and might be able to help.

    You didn't way what other meds you are taking besides the BC pills...If you are taking any anti depressants, which are commonly prescribed for us, that will kill your desire for sex. You will forget it exists! Some anti depressants are worse than others so discuss this with your doc....

    Also, I think that pain medication can get in the dulls your can dull your can dull what you feel....everywhere...

    Pain and lack of sleep can do a number on us....also just feeling disgusting from constipation caused by the pain meds....gas, bloating, pain, yeah, come here baby, lets get real cozy.....NOT! and then if you have Irritable Bowel Sydrome you will have both constipation and diarrhea....

    Sounds oh so sexy, right? heehee! I think, most of all, you probably are getting shut down by anti depressants....even a low dose...

    I am not sure about sleep meds....they could possibly mess with your libido, too....

    Get on the phone with your doc or even his/her nurse and ask if that is a side effect of your meds and they could prob RX a new anti depressant over the phone....

    it may take a while for your sexy self to re appear....but you will get your sexy back since you are so young and it can't possibly be menopause....or problems with your hormones....BUT you are on BC pills and those are hormones so this could also be a cause???

    I promise you, it is almost for sure it is something you are taking. Get on The Google and you will find some answers there....

    Because you are so young, you haven't had time to figure this one out....Try to avoid as many medications as you can....they can cause so many other problems and don't work as well as we want them to....and the docs seem to like to experiment with us....and every time they prescribe something new, we have to wean off the old stuff, and suffer, and try out the new stuff and suffer (from side effects) and then give up....while we wean off the stuff again...It is a big decision to start taking a prescribed medication. You can find some relief from more natural sources...vitamins, and supplements, melatonin to help with sleep and SAMe for a natural antidepressant....without the sex killing side johns wort is another AD...just don't take more than one kind or you could get serotonin syndrome which is too much serotonin in your body....and let you doc know if you want to try those....

    If you quit taking an antidepressant, do it with your doc's directions!!! You can't just quit taking that stuff cold turkey! You will be sicker than you ever thought possible.
    Okay, i will be quiet and let someone else talk now....

    good luck,seireiofhope!

  3. ellikers

    ellikers New Member

    Oh huge hugs to you first off! I was 22 when I started having OBNOXIOUS and completely confusing symptoms which later was diagnosed as CFIDS and now I have what fits the description of fibro. I've had super good "remission" periods in between as well but I so understand what you are struggling with right now.

    I've had two serious relationships while in the midst of coping with illness and pain and sex/intimacy was the biggest problem it posed for me and my partners. The first relationship ended with ex saying "we just don't have enough sex" (yeah, touching huh? and over the phone no less ... P.S. I was living with him at the time ... he broke up with me while I was out of town, but that's a WHOLE other story) and it posed issues in my last relationship that just ended this summer.

    I've had a fair amount of experience with this and I'd love to share my thoughts and I hope they help.

    First, the most important thing in my opinion is make sure you can TALK ABOUT THIS. Communication is vital when it comes to this!! No relationship survives without communication. My relationships didn't work out in the end not because the people were evil or bad but because in two really different ways, we didn't talk openly enough about this topic and the impacts my struggles had on the relationship. (And turns out they weren't the ones for me because I needed them, or any partner, to be able to communicate about these topics).

    No matter how embarrassing or frustrating or upsetting it is, for you two to have a relationship, you need to be able to talk about how you are feeling about sex ... wanting it, not wanting it, the whole thing. And you BOTH need to feel heard and understood, which can be difficult I know. It can help to talk about what you both are wanting and needing from sex ... my therapist had this great description (albeit a little generalizing, not ALL men and women think this way) that we as people have all these different needs (affection, stress relief, nurturing, feeling understood and accepted, etc) and women tend to get those needs met by a variety of places and people (talking and venting to friends, being affectionate and hugging and snuggling family, good conversations with co-workers, etc.) whereas men tend to get A LOT of their needs met from ONE THING- sex, so there are all these pressures and expectations put upon sex because they are trying to achieve so many of their needs through it. This was true for me at least.

    Plus, like was already mentioned by jam and pink, meds can really mess up your sex drive. We can be dealing with a pile up of things that make us less "sexy feeling" ... being in pain, exhausted, stressed out, frustrated/mad at our bodies, anti-depressant and pain or sleep meds lower our libido, birth control can lower our libido ... it's amazing people in pain/illness actually HAVE a sex drive! In my case I also had pain with sex due to undiagnosed pelvic muscle problems, so that didn't really increase my desire to get frisky ... ;)

    Learn more about the topic ... there are lots of things all over the internet about sexuality and relationships when someone is dealing with chronic pain and health issues. It can help to read about what helps other people, and read other people's experiences and know that you are not alone. There are articles and interviews with "experts" on the topic, there are books, websites, brochures, blah blah blah. I'll find my links and post them here later. :)

    A lot of the resources I have seen talk about finding ways to be sexual that DO feel good (and sometimes none of them will work of us in the moment, and that's okay too) but there are many ways to be sexual, affectionate and loving that don't have to mean sexual intercourse ... there are ways to be close and get some of those super important needs met that can satisfy BOTH partners.

    And of course if all those lovely things are still not helping enough, there you can start (or continue if you already started) talking to medical people about it. You can try changing meds around, using different forms of birth control, talk to a therapist, find a specialist who works with people around issues with chronic pain, etc (they are especially likely to have experience helping people with these issues).

    And know you are NOT alone.

    That was good and long. Hopefully at least some of it was helpful. :) Take care!