Not working any more

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by HeavenlyRN, Jun 15, 2010.

  1. HeavenlyRN

    HeavenlyRN New Member

    I've been on disability for 6 months (I have FM, as well as some other medical issues). I've come to the depressing realization that I may never be able to work again. This is not a "for sure" thing, but I'm trying to prepare myself.

    For those of you who have not been able to return to work, how in the h*ll did you handle it? This is not just a rhetorical question. I'm really scared. Besides, "take a walk every day," or "read a good book," what else did you do? How did you handle no longer being a "meaningful member of society?" I mean, that's how I feel about it. I'm just so scared.
  2. Misfit101

    Misfit101 New Member

    Im not going to be any help here...i didnt take it too well. Not working never occurred to doc had to drag me into it kicking all the way. It was a fact of life tho. Everyone told me to get a hobby but im not a hobby person. It might help if you change your mindset..try to look at it as a different chapter in your life that now frees you up to do whatever you want within your limitations. Think of all the things you wanted to do but didnt have the time. Take some classes. Its a challenge but it can be done.
  3. HeavenlyRN

    HeavenlyRN New Member

    Thanks to y'all for your comments and thoughts.

    As I was reading your responses I was thinking, "yup, she's right," "yup, I can do that," "oh yeah, that makes sense."

    But I think one of my biggest problems is/will be GUILT. For instance, my father just retired several years ago at the age of 82! Now he has a full time job taking care of my mother (she has multiple medical issues and the beginning stages of dementia). My family just doesn't "get" people who don't work when it "looks" like they should be able to or who have depression.

    I'm an adult. I shouldn't have to worry about what my family thinks. But, for some strange reason I do. I geez, I'm such a mess. One of my favorite quotes is......"I'm on a guilt trip and my mother is my travel agent."

    That should give you an idea of where I'm coming from!
  4. shari1677

    shari1677 New Member

    Maybe look into volunteering!! I love to volunteer, but given the fact that I work full-time, outside of that I am pretty much a useless human being - a waste of good skin if you would.

    If I didnt have to work, I would definitely look into volunteering. You could call various places, explain your situation and see if they could find something for you.
  5. Misfit101

    Misfit101 New Member

    Listen family were big on the work ethic too. And if i can do it so can you. Im sorry that youre made to feel guilty for something you had no control over. Ive always said no one in their right mind would choose this life (ignore aussiewoman...shes not playing with a full deck). This is your one shot life. No do overs. You have the right to live it guilt free. I like the idea of an under water garden. I have some very old stuff i printed off long ago. Theyre beautiful! I had to print off ideas cos i have no imagination. Youve no doubt given all of your life...theres no shame in it being your turn now. What would you LIKE to do? Learn to paint? Take some classes?
  6. glenda2

    glenda2 New Member

    i can no longer work & it is hard to deal with but it is harder to try to work in all the pain taking the pain meds messing with your head making your job even harder.. just the little bit if things i do not working is a chore for me. taking a shower is a chore..if & when i fix my hair i have to rest in between start & finish. my daughter had a wedding & they could all dance have fun, not me...just being there made my feet swell so much & they stayed that way for 3 days! hurt for a week..but it all seems normal one would hire me! if they did they would fire me for missing days or messing up due to the fog!

    i am on disability & i would rather work but that is out of the question for me. so i pray when my review is up it continues! if it doesnt i will have to give up more than i already have. as long as we do the best we can that will have to be enough.

    i love to read when i don't forget what i'm reading.i have no hobbies because pain took them away so i just do what i can in that day.try to keep my house as best i can, read,computer, laundry,grandson...all of these only when i can.
  7. victoria

    victoria New Member

    Sort of overlaps with my post about reinventing your past to make the future easier. So, reinvent your past to not have all the guilt going on now? I know, easier said than done. Acceptance does take time.

    I think the best advice, not matter what you choose to do, was the old adage, Rome wasn't built in a day. Whatever you choose to do, work at it bit by bit when you can.

    At any rate, it's better to be on this side of the underwater garden than the other...? Seems to me that with your training and experience on both sides of the bed itself now, that IF you can manage some volunteer work wherever, it would be great for you...

  8. Debra49659

    Debra49659 New Member

    Step away from the! Nah....keep up the humor I am not usually this giddy at 3:23 am.

  9. Doober

    Doober New Member

    To think about what your interests are? Maybe find new hobbies, return to old ones.

    Volunteering is a good option. It does not have to be a strenuous volunteer thing. Some organizations out there could use people at home to make phone calls (Get reimbursed on the costs of the calls?). Or maybe an animal shelter for a few hours.

    Also, who says you HAVE to stop working. Being a nurse who is familiar with the medical terms, DRs ethics and other medical related things, that could turn into a medical transcriptionist who works from home, taking DR's voice recordings and putting them onto the computer, or other medical documentation work from home? The medical field will be rapidly expanding and there will be a strong need to make sure the documentation is stored electronically. Especially when it comes to billing since the government will be doing a lot of paying.

    So, just take the time and find out what it is that YOU think you will be happy with doing?

    Who knows, you may end up trying out hang gliding, sky diving or bungee jumping from ( most likely not these things)

  10. Daisys

    Daisys Member

    Being raised by a Marine who didn't believe in pain or illness, I denied this illness for years, even though it's kept me from working for 30 years. I don't even qualify for social security.

    I do love my volunteer work, and it's a very important contribution to make, but it takes a lot out of me and I need about 2 days to recover from a partial day of activity. It's hard to balance doing something meaningful and staying within the body's activity tolerance. It's easy to say what's best, but the reality is, it's a constant juggling act to find satisfaction in activity and not push the limits of energy reserves. I've been juggling that for many years.

    One thing that I've found to be very therapeutic is jewelry making. I can sit up for quite a while, and get so absorbed, I forget everything else. It refreshes me like a nice nap. The bonus is I'm now selling locally, and while I may never be self sustaining economically (So thankful for my husband with his great attitude and good job!), I did find something that takes me outside myself and this situation, and it's even paying off. Having professional buyers eager for my work to be in their stores, and then the pieces selling--Wow, what a boost. So, if underwater gardening or jewelry making doesn't suit your style, as other's have said "find your passion."

    To add to what's already been said on the subject, I am always in my own head (painting, reading, puzzles, jewelry making), I can go a long time without getting lonely. This illness is bound to be worse for those who are real "people persons" and need interaction to feel good. I suspect anyone who becomes a nurse is that sort of person. Maybe you could find some way of interacting thru skype or telephone that is using your experience and knowledge. (Home check shut-ins thru phone?)

    I still struggle with guilt about not holding my own in household duties, but I really feel for someone who is used to interacting with people in a meaningful way to lose that part of their life. I'm not saying I don't like being with people: at least twice a week I meet with friends in my volunteer work. That's my life's work and I love it, but it's enough for me to do that much with this illness (I actually have Lyme disease, with ME and FM involved). I have at times in the past, been healthy enough to go out every day in my vocation, and it took a while for me to accept that I may never be that active again. I haven't given up hope--I just have accepted that for now, I have a "part-time" life, and in accepting that, I've been a lot less frustrated.
  11. Daisys

    Daisys Member

    posted in the wrong thread, sorry.[This Message was Edited on 11/25/2011]
  12. gapsych

    gapsych New Member

  13. Goatwoman

    Goatwoman Member